Can you help who you are attracted to, or is it beyond you ability to control?

Question

Notice, I didn't say pursue, I said atracted to.

Answer 1

I don't think you can control who you are attracted to.
We can control how far we take that attraction.

Answer 2

I think you can to some degree, if you are talking about the first physical reaction then no but I think the long term attraction is something you control, I mean really if you were physically attracted to someone and you went out on a date with them and they treated you like s**t then you wouldn't be attracted to them anymore. Being attracted to someone can be more than the first physical reaction, it can be the emotional, spiritual level of a person as well. For me the best attraction I ever had was on a spiritual and emotional level. we connected so strongly that words were not necessary to communicate with each other, a look or a touch was all that was necessary, it spoke with more volume than words ever could.

Answer 3

I am attracted to lot of people due to different reasons and natural instinct spots that immediately but after some time I might not find it so interesting any longer, through experience I would really see the whole picture altogether and reason out for that sense of attraction. Then I would choose whether I could proceed further or control myself....lol....regrets later will be too hard to tolerate and lots of explanation to do too////
I have yet to find one that I would totally beyond my ability to control......helplessly.... :)

Answer 4

I think attraction, by itself, is a gut-level thing that is beyond your control. But what you do about it is entirely under your control. Well, in theory, anyway. Say, for example, I am nuts about some handsome young man. (We won't provide any examples just now, thank you.) Now, I am a fat old witch. I can make a total fool of myself, or I can try to engage him in a backgammon game or something, perhaps interest him in intelligent conversation, and get to spend some time in his company. I prefer the latter course, and I'm sure the young man would, too.

So tell me, is your avatar photo the real you?

Answer 5

You can. But only over time. Attraction is a learned behavior. Anything than can be learned, can be learned deliberately.

That's where the phrase "Acquired Taste" comes from. People deliberately learning to like something.

Our tastes tend to change with experience anyway.

But why bother. The heart tends to have better sense than the conscious mind about some things. The gonads are a different story. They tend to get us involved with people who really aren't good for us.

Me, I agree with the band Confederate Railroad, "I like my women just a little on the trashy side...."

Answer 6

I have always found my self unable to choose who I was attracted too. You could put two people side by side that look simular, and one is attractive to me, and the other isnt. I could not tell you why, only that this is how it is for me.

I find males and females alike to be attractive, very much so. I think if I had the ability to choose who I was attracted too, then as a teenager, I would not have allowed my self to be attracted to girls. I fully believe that it is out of our controll.

Answer 7

Imagine an invisible, undetectable force that's powerful
enough to override your sense of reason yet draws you
to someone with an almost animal passion. These aren't
Cupid's mythological arrows, but real shots of human
pheromones.

http://health.discovery.com/centers/sex/aphrodisiacs/phermones.html

Welcome to The Scent of Eros:
Mysteries of Odor in Human Sexuality -

'Scientists in Philadelphia have established for the first
time that the human body produces pheromones, special
aromatic chemical compounds discharged by one individual
that affect the sexual physiology of another'....

http://www.athenainstitute.com/discovery.html

Do pheromones work in human sexual attraction?

They may be odorless and colorless and their function may be
mysterious, but human pheromones at last have the zest of
scientific truth. Researchers at the University of Chicago
have demonstrated that compounds swabbed from the
'underarms' of young women at different times of the month
can alter the length of other women's menstrual cycles,
compressing or expanding the cycles in predictable
fashion....

http://www.ishipress.com/humanodo.htm

http://www.cnn.com/HEALTH/9803/11/pheromones/index.html

What is the force that lights the fuse between two
complete strangers? What current pulses through their veins,
engorges their hearts, occupies their minds and numbs their
texting fingers? Ah, if only

I knew. As magic formulas go, sexual chemistry must surely
be the most valuable. It's intoxicating effects are more
pleasurable and more powerful than any drug and when it hits,
it hits hard. There are the rushes of ecstacy, the gut wrenching
anticipation, fluttering, dizziness, and the diminished
concentration that turns day-dreaming into a full-time job.
And then there are the side effects. A positively Colombian
annihilation of appetite and its confidence- boosting by-product,
weight loss. And it is free. And it is legal. It is bloody amazing.

But no one knows what "it" is. Scientists have managed to
map our genetic blueprint. They understand the subtleties
of hormones and the complexities of the emotional brain.
But the thing that makes two people click remains a mystery.
Theories abound as to what, or why. Those looking for a
magic bullet (or Cupid's arrow) tend to favour the notion
of pheromones - scents secreted by the sweat glands in the
'armpits' and pubic hair. And the relatively recent discovery
of the vomeronasal organ, a small chemo-sensory structure in
the human nose, lends the concept some weight.

http://findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_qn4159/is_20030629/ai_n12741733

Science of Love - Cupid's Chemistry:

There are, in fact, three distinct stages of love; each with
their own characteristic emotional profile and scientific explanation.

First is lust. Lust is driven by our sex hormones testosterone
and oestrogen. These hormones are what get us 'out on the pull'.
After lust comes attraction. This is the love-struck phase;
the time when we lose our appetite, can't sleep, and can't
concentrate. This is what we know as falling in love.

http://www.thenakedscientists.com/HTML/articles/article/clairemcloughlincolumn1.htm/

Answer 8

I have noticed that the same type of person attracts me.
As crazy as it sounds it is like being attracted to the same man over and over each just has a different face.
&
No matter what psychology says they are NOT like my father LOL

Answer 9

At the basic level, I don't think we have any influence.

Such as being fit, strong and active looking. Instinct tells us that the fit person is a better mate because your children have a better chance of being fit and should survive better. It's all about passing on your family line when it comes to basics and instinct.

Answer 10

Hmm.. I think the basic level is beyond my control.

I can generally talk myself out of getting too involved, though.

Answer 11

Haha, i watched a video in my science class and it said that we are attratced (like in a more-than a friend type of attracted of course) to people who's gene's we like.