I gave my son 30 days to find a place to live. He dropped out of Highschool, is defient, and lazy. Time is up.

Question

This Friday the movers are coming to move my things back to my house. I had to get an apartment last July, because my son, and his stepmother hate each other. At the time he was 17, and I felt since his real mother doesn't want anything to do with him it was up to me to get him through school. He skipped most of the year, and failed every subject, now since he skipped work and went to the shore for a week he just got fired. Also he got a DUI, and as of July 25th has no license. The service won't take him, he wouldn't go anyway. I've had it, and want my life back, but as rotten as he's been to me I'm having a hard time comprehending putting him on the street. He just said to me, when the movers come he'll have his bags packed, and will be sitting on them awaiting my orders as to where to go, and what to do. His friends are all bums, whose parents put up with thier garbage, but I'm sick of it. What happens to 18 year olds who are put out? Where will he stay. Fired and a drop out.

Answer 1

Throw him out.

Answer 2

I hate to say it, but this is not a situation that just happened over night. This has been coming for quite some time. Where is his other parent anyway? Has he been living in your house alone for a year? What kind of parent moves into an apartment and lets his kid take over the house? None of this makes any sense to me. I see all kinds of mistakes that have been made already.

This kid should have been knocked down a few pegs when this behavior first started. Now, he is going to have to put up or shut up. He can get a GED and get a job but he is going to have to learn some hard lessons and fast. If his other parent is still around, you should probably speak with each other and come to some sort of understanding as far as how to deal with this. Whatever you do, it won't be easy. Bottom line, he is 18 now and he is old enough to be responsible for himself.

Answer 3

He should hopefully be under your insurance still. Try therapy. there is a reason he is behaving like this, and until you find the root of the problem it will not get better.
What has he been through?
How old was he when you got divorced?
Why does his step mom hate him why does he hate her?
Maybe he wants attention.
Maybe he already feels abandoned, even though you are doing your best.
It's a tough age right now.
Was he having trouble in school, were people fighting with him?
You have to consider all the possibilites in todays day and age.
You can have him reffered to the courts get a pins order issued, and then he has to follow your rules, or get placed in foster care or juvi.
good luck, dont give up on him.
I put my parents through hell, lived out of my car, and it was a Bitc~ they always took me back though, and I'm a stronger, better person b/c they never let me fall through the cracks.

~~~ Can all you moronic ppl. keep in mind that this boy is not an adult he is a 17yr old child with minimal life expereince.... when he is 21 he should be acting as an adult. We all have screwed up and the aid of our parents should be what gets us through. Most jobs you have to be 18 and if not then 16 and you ar still making minimum wage which is not enough to live on alone, this kid has no transportaion so it will be even harder to find work, and no HS diploma. He probably feels like a faliure to begin with and kicking him out will only verify that notion.

Answer 4

You gave him the ultimatum and the time is up. This is no longer your problem. You have bent over backwards to try and give your son a helping hand and all he has done has thrown it back in your face. There does come a time when you have to draw the line. And as heart wrenching as it is the time is now. You even moved away from your second wife to give this boy a chance to succeed. The time for him to grow up is now. There are children out there who have none of these opportunities and yet they manage to succeed, put a roof over their head, hold down a job be a productive member of society. This is not your fault, please stop blaming yourself.

Things must get worse for your son before they can get better. Perhaps this will be just what he needs. If his slacker friends are such great buddies then he can go mooch off them for a while. They will get tired of him eventually.

You have accepted his bad behavior for long enough. When does your life begin to focus on you on your wife? At the moment your son is the spotlight and he enjoys every minute of attention that he is getting. You are not putting him on the street, you are giving him the opportunity to learn the truth about consequence and that at some point in our life we all must grow up.

Answer 5

Dad,
Have you ever asked yourself why it is that your son has just given up.....on school, his grades, his job, and saddest of all, himself.
Has anyone in his life equipped him for what he will need to step out into the world and contribute to society?
You say that his mom gave up on him. Well, I'm a mom too. My son is 18 like yours. I love him so much. I would never give up on him no matter what. Not having your mom in your life is going to leave scars, no doubt about it.
Well, now the ball is in your court dad. Don't give up on your boy. I know he's acting out but it's his cry for help. There were some good suggestions here on programs you could get him enrolled in.
I'm not sure how you could sleep at night knowing that you're 18 year old may be out there on the streets with no safety net. You just can't let that happen. I know you care about your boy because if you didn't you wouldn't even be asking this question on yahoo answers.
I'll star your question. Please let us know in a week or two what's going on okay. There are people out here who care.

Answer 6

You may feel that you've done all you can for him and he's being ungrateful. But, in all actuality he's acting out b/c he's hurt and you can't see that from his point of view. You said 2 main things. ie: 1. He hates his stepmother, that phrase says enough. What teenager and a boy at that wants to deal w/ a stepmother. She has "Stepped" in the place of "his mother". That's one reason why he may be acting in this manner. 2. His real Mother won't have anything to do w/him. This is major, he basically feels as if he has no one. You continued your life and remarried, his mom doesn't want him. Where is his place in this world? This seems like the reason for his actions, he feels like he's worth nothing, so he's treating himself like nothing. Putting him out may make it worse. You want your life back? You gave up that right once you made him. Your life belongs to him, he never asked to be here, so it's your responsibility to see that he goes the right way. He'll be out of your hands once you've exhausted all of your options of helping him, he feels as if you've given up on him. Don't give up all hope and A REAL WOMAN would never come between a man and his child. She instead should be the one you turn to for advice. The two of you should work things out and come to a conclusion as to what to do with your son. Now, I'm not saying that you should do everything for him, but show him how to be a man, teach him about responsibilities, love, family, those things. Have him stand on his own two feet but make sure you're there when he can't. He's reaching out to you, take his hand and hold tight, never letting go until he feels secure in himself. Just My View.

Answer 7

Couch surfing is the usual mode for these young people.

I think he will be very surprised if you follow through on your threat. You might suggest Job Corps but that may be difficult with the DUI but he could ask. It is a government program that provides education, housing and job training. It is a tough program but I have seen it benefit young people who are in your son's situation.
The truth, he won't listen to you when you tell him where to go and what to do. He will only do what pleases him. There is help out there if he wants it. That is the key, he has to want it. A good wake up call may be your only hope. If you give in now on your threat, he will never take you seriously.

Your son has a tough road ahead of him and unfortunately so do you. You might want to seek some professional advice concerning this situation and your desire to help that leads to enabling.

Answer 8

Unfortunately if youu back down this will never end, He will probably sponge off his buddies until they won't tolerate it either. When they tell himm to get a job maybe the light will come on that you were just looking out for his future. I wound up doing the same thing with my stepson, he moved in with his grandma, then a couple of friends when she got tired of the freeload game. They put up with him for a while them gave him the boot, finally he decided that he didn't like no life and got employed and his own place. It took a while but now at 22 he's responsible and we get along pretty well.
I know it's tough but if you back down the situation won't change except he will have even more contempt for you since you threaten but won't follow through

Answer 9

You got an apartment and left him in the house??? I'm confused. Sounds like he has grown accustom to the role of lazy sponge. He is counting on you to have a conscience by holding out until the last second and forcing you to tell him where to go. He certainly does not have a conscience, but he wants you to feel guilty. I would look up Peace Corps or the local shelter. If you dropped him off at the shelter, I guarantee as soon as you drive off, he will be calling one of his bum friends to come get him. He has a lot of growing up to do. He is 18 now, an adult, and now he is in the REAL world that has adult problems. Babying him is doing him a disservice. I say drop him off at the shelter!

Answer 10

It doesn't feel like it now........ but you've made the big first step in making him a man. He's been able to float along... blaming his mom, your wife, your divorce... for his trouble. Sorry... but that's not how the world works. The world doesn't care how bad you think you've had it.

I think he's trying to bluff you into giving up... he's going to have his stuff packed, but in his mind he is thinking that you'll back down. A few nights hopping from friend to friend... or maybe in a shelter, will give him a better appreciation for you and what you've tried to do for him. I would tell my son that the door is always open, but coming through the door means that he accepts my rules and my way. He goes to school or he works... but if I don't see 40 hours a week of effort on his part, than he can find another place to bum. And I'd have a strict "Food in/Food out" policy. You can take food OUT of the fridge if you put food IN the fridge.

Its rough, man, and I feel for you... but you've got to give him the pink slip on his life. Good luck and God bless

Answer 11

He needs to get a GED and then he can serve in the armed forces. Unless he has an extensive criminal record or he has a disability, they will pretty much take anyone.

Do not give up with your son. He is your blood and he is obvuiuolsy confused. Putting him inm the street will only guarantee a life of crime and vice.

Have you considered military school? He can finishe HS that way and get a head strat towards a military career. They can strighten up the most defiant and rebellious kid and he needs the tools to be sucessful in life.

Do not give up yet dad. Research for Military Schools in the country, then pack his bags and give him to the drill seargents in the military school until he gets a HS diploma. Tjose people are trained to deal with difficult teens and will help him forge his caracter and disciplne and appretiate his family life.

Be strong, good luck