please see my previously asked questions before answering
story is there
i have basically decided i do not want to be with my husband any longer. i have determined that i dont want to drag it out, i have already gone through the "wait-n-see" phase.
I think he will be relieved to hear it, but i just cannot get the words to come out of my mouth. we have been together since 1994 -he has been jobless for over 5 years, i still care about him, but if i do this, he will literally have nothing, no roof over his head, no means of transportation, just his clothes really.
i want dont want be married to him, but i dont want to see him go homeless either.
i kicked around the idea of giving him time to get fast food job or something for quick money so he can get himself an apartment, but i am really not sure how to go about doing this
any words of wisdom? any suggestions on what to say, or the logistics of getting him out? i know this is worded harshly, but i dont know any other way to put
2007-07-09 08:56:36 · 9 answers · asked by Shake-Zula 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You have to take care of yourself and if you weren't around he'd have to take care of himself.... wish him luck and get packing. Be nice, be gentle, be kind, but be firm and don't get into a discussion... it's a done deal!
2007-07-09 09:00:47 · answer #1 · answered by Sciencemom 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
His lack of income is not caused because the jobs aren't out there, it's caused because he knows you won't kick him out.
Your husband is using you, and everytime you push it back, worried about how he'll live after you divorce, you give him more of a stronghold.
Typically, though, with the "wait and see" approach, you need to wait and see AFTER letting him know what he stands to lose. Have you given him an absolute reason to get in gear, that you will file for divorce if he doesn't pick up some responsibility? "Wait and see's" are what you do as a kind of trial or probation. It is a last chance opportunity for the partner to shape up. If the circumstances around him don't change, his behavior won't.
He won't go homeless. I'm sure there is SOMEONE in his life who will help him. That person does not have to be you. You've "helped him" long enough, because he's chosen to just accept what you're giving without doing anything to set the situation right.
It's not worded too harshly. In fact, it's kind of not harsh enough. The man has taken advantage of you, and your sense of responsibility to him.
2007-07-09 16:18:35 · answer #2 · answered by CrazyChick 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sciencemom gave good advice.
Don't wait any longer, 5 years was enough time for him to show some motivation.
Breaking up takes courage, and YOU HAVE COURAGE.
Just say it/do it, get it over with. You will then feel a great sense of relief. Stop feeling sorry for him. You are the woman, he should have been worried about your feelings all these 5 years.
You only have one life to live. The sooner you make this change, the sooner you can get on with living your life to the fullest He has to do the same for himself.
Good Luck, I know you can do this. let us know how it goes. :)
2007-07-09 16:09:17 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Pray for the marriage to get better. The cowardly lion on the Wizard of Oz always had courage deep in his heart. Find it within yourself to just do what you are going to do. Some men need a good kick in the pants to get out there and find a job.
2007-07-09 16:07:28 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He seems to be dragging you down with him he's over the age of 18.Than let him live his own live.If he wants to be homeless so be it you have supported him mentally. Don't feel bad about his choice maybe if he's on his own, he will see the light. Start a life of your own. You owe him nothing it's his choice.Good Luck you have a life ahead of you.
2007-07-09 16:16:23 · answer #5 · answered by 45 auto 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You say you kicked the idea around about him getting any job for now, did you set down any rules and say this is how its gotta be?? You need to sit down and discuss this with him since you seem to care about his welfare. You need to do whats best for you right now. Why has he been out of a job for 5 years??? Something wrong with him???
2007-07-09 16:05:07 · answer #6 · answered by slither22a 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
your fed up n tired there is nothing wrong with what you want but their is something wrong with your feelings! maybe that is what he needs to be homeless without nothing maybe that will wake his a s s up!! your are an enabler and he knows this! you need to do what is best for you just do! get it over with so you can move on with your life!! the sooner the better for the both of you!
2007-07-09 16:06:30 · answer #7 · answered by notyochic 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
been divorced twice, married the second time cuz of love plus wanted to help her, although she did work, the thing I found out through it all ( both marriages ) is you can not help anyone till you help yourself and make yourself happy, if you are not happy, then you wont be helping anyone,
of course you love him, I still love my HS and College GFs',, still care about my ex wives, I just dont want to live with them,
you just need to do it, and stop helping people, you need to worry about you, take care of you, if you need to keep the house, just tell him he has one week to find someplace else to live. File the papers, and if needed get the cops to kick him out,,
2007-07-09 16:17:37 · answer #8 · answered by rich2481 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The Wizard of Oz hands out courage.........just don't pay any attention to that man behind the curtain.....
2007-07-09 16:12:00 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋