Divorce or at least some guidance!?

Question

I am going to list some things and Then I want your imput.

Husband won't stop looking at porn.

I have many faults but constently working on them or stoping things like quit smoking for him.

He Don't do anything at the house with out asking millions of times.

I am very depressed and not happy. I have put up with it to long and I don't know if I should work with him still or leave.

Only problem he is in counsling...and were in the process of moving to our first home together. He did good for months and looked at the porn again and just says he has no self control.

I just feel like I made the biggest most worst decision getting married to him and for putting up with this for so long.

Yes It is my fault I knew of this before I married him...I am already severly depressed, I just want some guidance on where to go from here Please don't say anything mean. I can't take it.

I am lost and have no one to talk to he is the only one I have.

Answer 1

One needs the desire to do something for oneself.
It doesnt work if one is making a change for another.

Do not look backwards, but rather forward, on how to improve your life, self, and situation.

Once you have yourself in control of yourself, your problems will be solve-able. Start with only one item atta time. And go from there.

Answer 2

Is the ONLY reason you are thinking of leaving or are depressed is becuase he looks at porn?

For starters - that is NOT a reason to divorce someone, especially if you knew he did it PRIOR to the marriage. If he is lazy around the house, then you guys need to sit down and agree on a list of tasks that need to be done. Split them up between the two of you (or do them together).

I'm not sure what your other concerns are, as these seem to be your only two complaints in your question.

How is your sex life? If you are NOT a willing partner in the bedroom, then no wonder he looks at porn. Even if you are - he is a guy, we are visual creatures. Its just the way we are. To not look would be like asking women not to talk about their feelings with their girlfriends / sisters / mothers - only talk to your husband. Kind of a rediculous idea isn't it. Well its the same for men and looking at other women (or looking at porn). Get over it.

You say you've put up with it for "so" long, but not how long its been - in years.....

I'd say you personally need to work on some self-esteem issues. Also, the two of you could benefit from some marriage counselling of some sort.

Good luck.

Answer 3

You list three problems:

1. Husband won't stop looking at porn.
Solution: Stop worrying about it. As long as you get sex as much as you want and as long as it's not interfering with his job or his health, there is no problem here.

2. He Don't do anything at the house with out asking millions of times.
Stop asking millions of times. Stop asking at all. Sit down together, once, with a list of household chores that need to be done regularly and then divide them up. His become his responsibility, and you should refrain thereafter from ever asking him to do them again. Accept that if they don't get done, they don't get done. It's not worth getting upset over.

3. I am very depressed and not happy.
Solution: You say he is in counseling but you don't say that you are. Depression is very serious. If you're not in counseling, you should start going. If you are in counseling, you may want to ask for a referral to a doctor to be assessed for antidepressant medications. You really do seem depressed too -- the way you're blowing the above two problems out of proportion, telling yourself how horrible your life is because of those simple things, is a sign of depression.

Answer 4

Yes, it was a bad decision for you to get married to the man, but it was a mistake, so don't beat yourself up about it. What you don't want to do now is make an even greater mistake by staying with a person who you think might be unhealthy for you. He may not be able to kick his sexual addiction, which is one of the most difficult disorders to treat. However, the fact that he's willing to go to counseling does offer a gleam of hope because most addicts won't even admit that they have a problem, let alone get treatment for it. Since you knew about his weirdness beforehand, I do think that you are obligated to try to help him work through this, but only to a point. There are limitations. You can't afford to get to the point where you become too depressed either, which is where it sounds like you're headed. It's important for you to know that in the process of treatment, he might screw up and go back to his addiction. If you're not strong enough to weather this situation, you may have to tell him that you need to remove yourself from this space and move out for awhile until he proves himself to you. It's important that he also realizes that you can't allow yourself to go nuts over HIS problem. Good luck. Check out the local Alanon group in your area to talk with others who are dealing with the same issues.

Answer 5

This is a hard one but what I would do is find God and keep Him close. Religion makes people uncomfortable but I can testify that it will make all the difference in your life. The bible teaches us to put our faith in Him and not people. This is crucial in your situation because you are putting your faith in someone that is letting you down. God never lets us down and His word gives us the peace that we need to live in a corrupt and depressing world. He may also be depressed and doesn't even know it. Lead by example and pray because some day things will happen for you that will give others encouragement and you can give advice as well that is valid. Counseling is great but religion is better and it doesn't cost you a single penny!

Answer 6

I've been through the same thing you have. I use to constantly look at anti-LDS people's comments and it would really hurt. But think about it; we have most of the answers (I say most because even I know the church doesn't have all of them) to questions than churches that claim that they're the only true church can't answer. It's great that you want to move forward. Just keep praying for an answer. You'll know when you get it.

Answer 7

I recently had a female friend who just got divorced for the same problem. The main problem is he was always hiding the porno when she was more than open to enjoying it with him to help spice up their sex life. He wouldnt do it. She set up a hidden camera and to her disgust he was doing things to himself while he would watch the porno, and completely abandonded her sexually. Your husband is in counseling and at this point I would sturnly warn him that if the counseling does not work, then you are out of there. It has been shown that men who are obsessed with watching porno while they are alone are more prone to have the inability to have normal relationships with the oppossite sex.

Answer 8

the problem you have is men love naked woman, so try to let that go as long as he is taking care of you in the bedroom, porn becomes a problem when the man isnt taking care of his wife in the bedroom, Woman are the only mammal with boobs out all the time, not just for child rearing, so we must be supposed to look at them,

I think you need to write a list of things you want him to take care of in the new house on a daily basis,
otherwise you are doomed for divorce,,

Answer 9

Oh I am sorry to hear that you are already at this very depressed state of mind. You shouldn't live like this, if it is affecting your health, you sound like you love him but are tired of dealing with the same roller coaster. Does he know how severely hurt you are by his actions? If he loves you he will try again and again. Counseling is a start

Answer 10

I think you should find someone to talk to.call your local community service center and see if they have classes for marriage counseling or something along those lines to help . I think that maybe you made a mistake in marrying and he needs help maybe you can get him some help as well . good luck dear and i will pray for you . also check churches for help as well . good luck .