My husband and I were serious issues within our marriage and general homellife. I moved out and took the kids with me. He has since begun counseling and seems to be trying to make the effort. In the meantime, I am living with my mom and being here introduces a whole stack of new issues. My husband wants me to come back home, and I want to go back. I want to be back in my own home, and I want my kids to be in their regular surroundings again. The problem is that my family will give me a ton of grief about it. Since the seaparation, they do not like my husband and are against me going back. I dont want them to think that I dont appriciate them putting us up and helping me out, but I really feel like I should go back home. I told my husband we can have separate rooms and work it out slowly, but I just want to bring us back for our general comfort. I know that they will still love me and all if I go back, I just worry that the relationship will be strained. What to do??
2007-07-09 08:35:55 · 17 answers · asked by My two cents 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You need to be with your husband if you want things to work. Your family will understand. You may need to take a hiatus from your family for awhile if they give you grief. It will be an adjustment for you being home. Family will always be family and it's your decision. If he was abusive too you, that would be a different story.
2007-07-09 08:40:46 · answer #1 · answered by pinniethewooh 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First, tell your parents that you appreciate what they've done for you and the children. Then, let them know you're going back home. Hopefully, they will wish you well. In the future, understand that your parents aren't going to forgive your husband when you do. They continue to see him as the bad guy, even when you and him have made up and the marriage is going well. For this reason, you have to be careful about what you tell your parents. If your husband is physically abusive or something of that nature, you don't want to keep that to yourself. But if it's the day to day hassles of marriage, do yourself a favor and don't tell mom and dad. Work things out at home and try to keep your parents out of it. They don't take this information well.
When you tell them you're going home, don't talk about the separate rooms and all of that. Just say you're going to try and work things out with your husband. You have every right to do this, so don't feel guilty about your decision. Instead of worrying, go back into the marriage with high expectations. Put the past behind you and work with your husband to build a stronger, more loving relationship. I wish you every success.
2007-07-09 09:21:04 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
first of all, make sure that your husband's efforts are true and sincere, he may just be telling you things he thinks you want to hear. things take time, and if it's only been a short while, there's a good chance that your issues will still be there. besides, i'm sure your parents don't want you to go back and forth between there home and yours, and i'm sure you don't want that for your kids either. maybe you can try dating him again without having to move back in. it may sound silly, but start over without living under the same roof, because once he has you where he wants you, there'd be no reason for him to keep trying to make the relationship work. in other words, don't make it too easy, make him really work at getting his family back, then you'll know his efforts are sincere.
2007-07-09 08:44:05 · answer #3 · answered by luv 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
the truth is that the only people who should concern you is you, your husband, and your children. i believe that you are the one who will have to wake up with your husband every night for the rest of your life, or wake up alone or with someone else... you are the one that will have to explain your decision to your children one day, and only you will have to live with the consequences of your decisions...
i am a strong believer, from experience that as long as there is some love you can try to make it work. divorce should be the last option, and if you feel that you can bring your family and marriage back together go for it.
your parents are probably just concerned that he really didn't change or that you might get hurt again. talk to them and see if your husband will talk to them and with time they will see that he did change.
before you move back just make sure that he really did change, and try to get some counseling together. make sure that if you go back it's for good this time. you don't want to bring more instability to your children.
i will pray for you and your family.
2007-07-09 08:45:03 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Try what osmeone else said, maybe spend weekends for a few weeks see how he acts having to spend 3 days with you and the kids (sep rooms of course) and spend time with him but stay separated for a bit longer , try get to reknowing eachother then they may feel more comfortable with you moving back
2007-07-09 09:24:59 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
your hubby might be acting good because he is trying to win you back, you need to be aware he might not have changed at all, but is just going through the motions, you also should realize your family is worried about you and you going back, plus it isn't a picnic for them with you living there either,, everyone is stressed,
maybe before you go back you could spend a couple weekends together without the kids then see what happens from there,
2007-07-09 08:40:58 · answer #6 · answered by rich2481 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Tell your family you don't need their damn permission to do anything. You're going back and if they can't handle that and be supportive of you, then they can count on very limited visits with you and your kids. Hell it's not like they live every second of their lives pleasing other people.
2007-07-09 08:50:11 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you want to be back with your husband then go back!! If you listen to your family and don't go back to him...will you miss him 10 years down the road? If you love him then be with him. Best of luck.
2007-07-09 08:42:44 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i can see both sides of the fence.................i think you need to let your husband finish his therapy and the go back whos to say that when you go back he will continue getting help and things go back to the way they were. let him finish then go back and work some more on your marriage and your family probably doesnt hate him they just want whats best for you
2007-07-09 08:42:19 · answer #9 · answered by mmedina96 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your family didnt marry him you did and only the two of you should be included in any decisions regarding the outcome of your marriage....GO HOME!!!
2007-07-09 08:45:05 · answer #10 · answered by juda75 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋