Hello, i recently got married and moved from my home country to be with my husband. Since i got here, i've found porn in his pc (cam stuff), condoms, well, a couple more sex-related things like that, and yesterday he accidentally put a tape in the vcr and it was porn. I'm a naive person and i feel weird about those things, but he says that all that stuff was from his friends who used to crash in his apartment (i'd rather believe that than believe it was his stuff), and now hes acting like he's mad at me and offended because he says i'm blaming him. I dont know what to do, i dont know how to act, i wasnt mad at him, i just told him that i dont know what reaction to have to all those things, i told him whats past is past but he's still mad at me. I told him he's not supposed to turn the tables on me like that. What should i do? How would expect your wife/gf to react?
2007-07-09 08:32:13 · 16 answers · asked by spidina 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Haha what a way to get busted....IDIOT
2007-07-09 08:34:48 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
A simple way to find out if it is his or not is to tell him. Well, since The porn is not yours then you don't mind getting rid of it then. Any objection means it is his.
About him getting offended. Don't yield. My wife as well as me have tried pulling the tantrum stunt a few times. My moto is f-you. Thats my opinion and you don't have to like it. However, my opinion will not change unless you show damn good evidence to the contrary. You see the tantrum is a control issue. IS measuring how much he can get away with. We all do it. Believe me is not a good way of doing things. A better way is to talk. I mean if it is his stuff then big deal. Men wash porn end of story. Some women do to. Men are more visual so they like the movie and what not. But think about it, girl read all those steamy romance novels. They are a version of pron too. I mean the idea of the book is to arouse the person with a story. The idea of the video is to arouse the person but with visual. Same thing. The problem is that a lot of times women tend to bring up the topic in an accusatory manner. They become the judge jury and executioner. The guy feels corner so he becomes angry. The logical answer from him would be to say yes, is mine so what about it? However, most guys don't respond that way.
Like I said, the best option is to talk about it. Note that if it is his he may not stop watching. Something that you have to consider. How much is acceptable to you? If its not his then why is it that it was ok for his friend to wash it but not for you to talk about it? So, a better question is to find out why does it bother him so much that you brough up the topic? Note: it is better to ask in a curiosity tone of voice as opposed to a watch your answer or you'll get it tone of voice.
2007-07-09 08:49:42 · answer #2 · answered by mr_gees100_peas 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to talk to him. Tell him:
1. Its OK for a recently married husband still having porn around, in fact, he may always have some around, some guys just enjoy the visual stimulation.
2. It is NOT OK for him to be cheating on you. The condom is a problem, you need him to assure you it is just left over...
3. You want to b part of his entire life. If he wants to look at porn, you will try it as part of foreplay, but if you don't like it, he need to understand and respect that.
4. You need to tell him you love him and you want your lovemaking to be all he needs. Then show him you can be enthusiastic about that desire...
Point 3 & 4 should cure most of the problem
2007-07-09 08:40:06 · answer #3 · answered by Raster T 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sounds lik ea bit of paranoia on the guys end. Perhaps he feels asamed of his porn collection and is trying to pawn the blame on a "buddy" it's an easy cop out. If this truely upsets you, you should speak with him and he should be understanding. However, the stuff you found, in NO WAY should be thought as "oh, I don't keep him satisfied" it's probably just his "habit" or "addiction". Most guys have a hard time letting go of their teenage years.
2007-07-09 08:41:30 · answer #4 · answered by syphon41580 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is embarrassed that he got caught and is going on the offensive to avoid being placed on the defense.
If it doesn't bother you, let it drop. If it does, just be open and honest about your thoughts on him having or viewing porn.
I have dabbled in porn here and there. I would be embarrassed if I got caught. I doubt my wife would think it a big deal, though she would be disgusted. If she said quit, I quit - this isn't an issue worth fighting over for me.
2007-07-09 09:24:29 · answer #5 · answered by Matt G 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He has no reason to be mad at you. I bet he's more embarassed than mad. Talk to him and tell him how you feel about it. My opinion about porn is that it doesn't hurt anything as long as he isn't cheating. Some men have an enormous sex drive and feel they have to get off several times a day. Talk to him, let him know it's ok, and that he doesn't need to be embarassed.
2007-07-09 08:37:59 · answer #6 · answered by Jim C 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he is a liar. Those tapes are his and he watches them when you are not there. I can tell you that becausee many men do the same thing but not all of us lie about it.
Ask him to watch them with you. i bet it is not as much a turn on becaus I can bet he does other things while he watches them.
At any rate, it is no sin to watch porn or have the things you stated but I would keep one eye open and the other right behind it
2007-07-09 08:36:31 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
I wouldn't be upset with him. Hey turn it around and suggest he put in a tape to watch together. It could spice things up and get him out of his mad spell. He's probably acting that way because he's embarassed or upset you got on to him about it.
2007-07-09 08:36:52 · answer #8 · answered by cld224 1 · 2⤊ 1⤋
First of all, porn is not bad. Second, porn is good. Ask him to watch some porn with you. If he doesn't have any, try shopping together for some good stuff.
2007-07-09 08:49:01 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
It is really pretty clear that this is his stuff. To give him the benefit it could be from his past life before you. If this makes you uncomfortable you may ask him to get rid of it. However, please understand this...many couples enjoy porn together. You may want to give it a try before you ask him to make major change.
2007-07-09 08:37:33 · answer #10 · answered by Brent 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
he used to cheat on you while you where not there now that you are there and you found all this evidence of what he was upto, he is trying to switch the table by getting mad at you.
yes those tapes belong to his friends that used to crash there,
his GIRLFRIENDS!!!!!
Darling you are naive... don't you see...
if it weren't his then he would have dispose of them...
2007-07-09 08:39:07 · answer #11 · answered by heathcliff 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋