Ladies - would this be ok with you?

Question

My fiance works for a video game developer and basically debugs games all day. On Friday nights he gets together to drink with his fellow gamer dorks usually at a reataurant/bar. Then they go back to one of the guys homes to play more video games. I want him to come home at a decent hour but he says he doesn't want to drive home drunk so sometimes he'll pass out there and come home early the next morning. He will send a text message to say he's too drunk to drive but I still feel really upset that he doesn't come home earlier. We have a 3 yr old together by the way. Am I being stupid and giving him too much freedom or is this just normal healthy guy stuff? Thanks! :)

Answer 1

Are you worried that he is cheating on you? Do you beleive him when he says he's playing video games? If you honestly know that he's playing games with his dork friends than I wouldn't mind. Why don't you offer to go pick him up on the nights that he's to drunk to drive, or pay for a cab so he gets home safely? You can also ask him to cut his video game playing time to 2 nights a week so he can have family time with you and his child.

Answer 2

If you want to put a stop to his s h i t turn the table around you go out and leave him alone with the 3 year old and give him nothing but a text saying you're to drunk to drive home and you are going to just crash where ever.. he will either change or it's over.. here is a better idea next time he doesn't come home get a baby sitter and go check up on him to see if he is doing what he says but sweetie be prepared for the worst because i have seen this same situation a 1000 times he is cheating and I'm not saying it's another woman it may be with one of his (as you called them) male dorky friends.. good luck never by this load of crap story from any man...

Answer 3

You are not being stupid. No disrespect intended, but I think your fiance is failing to act responsibly. You two have a child together, and his coming in the very next morning is completely unacceptable. Sure it sounds responsible that he doesn't want to drive drunk. That's not bad, exactly, but it would be better if he didn't get drunk in the first place, could come home at a decent hour and still enjoy time with his friends. I think you two need to have a talk about his behavior. With a three year old child and a loving fiance, I think it's time your partner reassess his priorities.

Answer 4

While an occassional friday night out with the guys is one thing, but every friday is just too much. He is a father and a husband and should save his weekend time for his family, not with the guys. I would put a stop to it being that often. We all need our "friend" times, but every week is over the top. If he can't go out with the guys without getting too drunk to make it home where he belongs, he should stop drinking so much.

Answer 5

To me the only difference between his job and his "play" is that he can drink beer at night.

I would suggest that you tell him he needs to either be a family man, or a boy, and to let you know which he decides.

You are not being stupid, he is, he needs to grow up and leave work at work and come home. Now if you would let him invite a few guys over, then at least he would be home, but I would set a time limit, otherwise it would be no different than if he were gone.

Good luck!

Answer 6

This is NOT healthy or normal. Is he going to be like this after you guys get married? Do you want a husband who doesn't come home everynight because he's passed out drunk somewhere else? Do NOT let him get away with it. How do you even know he's where he says he is? I say confront him and tell him this maks you feel very uncomfortable and he needs to step up and be a better father to your child.

Answer 7

first off, any MAN who wants to sleep over with his MAN friends and blame being too drunk is lying. he prb has a girlfriend. plain and simple. and NO it wouldn't be ok with me. when the day my husband doens't come home to be with me and my kids, is the day we need to have a sit down and talk.

I mean once in a while? OK! your not evil. Im sure YOU have had those times too maybe?

but eery week? even 2 times a MONTH too much. he needs to get a life and be with his family. that IS if he wants to be with them. hey, why not print this out and keep it on your desk so he can find it. and see what folks think of him!
he isn't a daddy he is a wanna be.

Answer 8

Ok, first of all, my husband tried pulling this crap with me for a few years. Not the gaming part, but going out with his friends, getting too drunk to drive home, not being a great father to our 2 daughters, blah, blah, blah. And I let it happen cause I thought, he's a guy, they need their "guy time". But if you let it happen for too long, it WILL become a much bigger problem. When you have children, and you get married, you are no longer a bachelor and its time to change your bachelor ways. You really need to talk to him about this now before it gets worse. And it WILL get worse. Right now its one night, next it will be 2 nights, then who knows, maybe someone elses' house, staying weekends, who knows. He's your fiance, nip this in the bud before he is your husband. Let him have his time, but he needs to be responsible. Drop him off at his friends house, and then have him take a cab home. Spending the night, playing video games....What is that, a boys slumber party? Geez! BTW, my husband does not do this anymore. The cab company is on speed dial on his phone.

Answer 9

It will become normal if you don't nip it in the bud. It is okay for him to hang out sometimes, not all the time. i would give him a certain day a week or a month for him to hang out. I would also get together with my girlfriends and start hanging out as well. Tell him how you feel about it and hopefully you will be able to work through it.

Answer 10

Realizing his job is video games, he needs to learn how to separate his job from his family. He shouldn't have to go to a friends and get drunk and play games all night. He's acting immature. Part of marriage and parenthood is actually being part of the family. If he can't make you and your child more of a priority, I would have serious doubts about marrying him.
Maybe try to compromise with him. He can go to his buddies and get trashed once a month, but stays with you and your 3yr old the rest of the time. We all need our "me" time(including you), but his is too extreme.