Would you want to ever meet your father who you've never known?

Question

My boyfriend has never met his father. His mom says all these bad things about him and how horrible he was, but I'm not sure how much of that I believe b/c she's really dramatic. We had a daughter together last August and I think he thinks about his dad a lot more now that he's a father. My parents have been together all my life so I wouldn't know how he feels. I know there are probably a lot of people that have never met their father, so just kind of give me an idea of what you think.

Answer 1

might as well find out.. end of the day he can walk away.

as for the mother ,forget her moaning. just coz she don't like him.. thats her problem..

if i was in that position i'd wanna know, but don't mean they are gonna be my best friend.. after that

a lot of things might have happened, and he needs to know both sides of the story.

Answer 2

It should be his decision whether to locate him or not. People change, and with it being so many years ago, I am sure his father has changed drastically. However, let him know that you are behind him on whatever he wants to do. He could be in for a big disappointment though. I was 16 when I finally met my father, and I found out that most of the things my mother told me was simply lies to keep me away from him. She felt that it was in my best interest. And, she was right. He isn't much of a father, but I feel better knowing him and how he is. It could be somewhat of a closure to your boyfriend if he was to meet him. He doesn't need to forget that his father was never in his life though. There was a reason for it. It is just something that he will have to decide if he wants to pursue it or not. Stand behind him every step of the way because he will need your support.

Answer 3

My daughter is 27 and had never met her father until last year. He left before she was born and just disappeared, but he did not know that I was even pregnant. I ask her a few times if she ever thought about him and would like to meet him and she said yes. I got lucky and found his mothers name in whitepages.com, called her and a few days later he called me and was totally shocked that he had a daughter. What's funny is they only lived a half of a mile from each other. They now have a great relationship and she can see where she gets a lot of her features.
I think if your boyfriends wants to meet his father then he should. Good luck to him!!

Answer 4

I have no inclination to meet my biological father and that's even without my mother saying nasty things about him. I have a little bit different of a situation, though, in that my mother met another man when I was under a year old, whom she eventually married and he adopted me.

If I did meet my bio-dad, I'd tell him the best thing he did for me was leave because I got a real dad out of the deal.

However, I would ask your boyfriend how he feels. Even if he doesn't decide to meet his father, it might be good for him to talk about the situation and how it makes him feel to be a dad without his own in the picture. It will probably give him reason to be the best dad that HE can be, given that he didn't have one while he was growing up.

Answer 5

I have never met my biological father and really don't care to. Each person's reasons and desires are different. He just needs to figure out if he is wanting to meet this man for the right reasons. I am sure that if he locates him, he isn't going to just jump in and be the father he has never had. If he is looking to maybe develop something over a period of time and share the fact that he now has a grandchild, I can see it going somewhere. This is such a personal decision and you should let him make it for himself. You just stick by him and support him no matter what he decides.

Answer 6

I think it's always okay to check things out for yourself, but in doing so remember this man nerver tried to get to know his son. He should have at least have memories of hearing his father say "I want to see my son!!" Knowing that a parent fought for you can sometimes mean as much as having them there. However, male rolls have changed and as we grow older we learn forgiveness and are able to identify with our parents on an adult level. His mother may be dramatic, but I'm sure there is some grain of truth to what she is saying. Keep all these things in mind and expect nothing. Simply go to him with an offer to be a part of your life and leave the rest up to him. If it doesn't work out you've lost nothing. At least he'll know the truth.

Answer 7

In a perfect world, if your BF met his father they'd get along so great... the past wouldn't matter... and they'd start a great father-son relationship.

But this is not a perfect world, is it?? Most of these situations turn out bad. My little sis's BF's father came around after they had a baby. It was all 'hunky dory' at first, until his dad started using them.

If he wants to meet his dad, do some major research first, and be prepared for the worst. Good luck.

Answer 8

My husband met his father after 21yrs, It was good to start with and then it all turned to S#*@. His mum got way to involved and its along story. He needs to meet his dad and then make a decision on seeing him again. A boy/man need to know his dad, it will either make him or break him.
His mum is probably still hating him or judging him for what he was when she was with him.
Make sure you are prepared for anything that may come out of this as it could be good for him or it could be a mistake.

Answer 9

I truly have been on your situation. I met my organic and organic father on the age of 29. particular, it became an uncomfortable situation. Brazen as i'm and not understanding if i could elect to ever have a relationship with him, i desperate to have the form video taped. as quickly as I sat down, He on the instant instructed me how frightened he became which on the instant placed me relaxed. I then asked him questions i desired to be attentive to - like scientific historic previous, information concerning the genealogy on his ingredient, any a million/2 brothers and sisters, etc. We shared a mild hearted communication and then went out to eat. He died presently thereafter. assembly my father made me understand how lots I by no ability wanted to be like him and stay my existence the way he desperate to stay his. inspite of the actuality that, i'm satisfied that I tracked him down and met him in the previous he died. It set a factor of me unfastened. i desire that notwithstanding you journey upon assembly your bioligical father the 1st time, that your spirit will strengthen from the journey of fixing the secret. (who's my father) sturdy success and God BLess

Answer 10

I dont think its a good idea if he does . I mean probably the guy has a family of his own and doesnt want to be botherd at his age . I would just let sleeping dogs lie and get on with your lives raising your own little family . Just try to be a good father and do the best he can .I mean what kind of father abandons you and doesnt contact .