29yrs old. 16 year relationship. 3 kids. not married. he is the father of all three children. does he deserve a chance? i love this man.
2007-07-09 07:21:37 · 23 answers · asked by 30 going on 40 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
if he's hitting u he doesn't deserve a chance!
2007-07-09 07:24:35 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
You may love him sweetie, but he certainly does NOT love you or he would never lay a hand on you in anger or even think about doing something like that. It's not just you either - you have to think about the example he's setting for your children. If you have a daughter, do you want her growing up seeing how you 2 interact and think it's ok for a guy to hit her? No. You wouldn't. But that's exactly what she's learning by watching all of this unfold. If you have a son, do you really want him to grow up learning that is the way to treat women? No....I'm sure you want him to be a gentlemen, someone who is able to love a woman with all his heart. Don't think they aren't taking all of this in. Even when kids are young, they can sense tension and learn from the dynamic you and the bf are going through. Leave now. NO - he doesn't deserve another chance w/ you. YOu need to find someone who will love you the way a REAL man does. He's just a coward who likes to make you feel weak so it makes him feel like a big manly man....that's b.s.
2007-07-09 07:26:38 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The answer is, not usually. First step is seperation. Any person who abuses physically has the potential to kill another.
He needs to want help, 100%, if he doesn't want help its not going to work, its like an addiction. I have see only one instance where a relationship turned around once the bible was brought into a couples life and he started treating his
wife like she should be and it has lasted over 10 years now.
Please, don't let this continue to happen you. You love him but sadly as many times as he may say it, he doesn't love you. This is because he doesn't know how. You cannot truly love another human being unless you love yourself. He does not. It is your responsibilty as a parent to make sure that your children are not in an abusive home, even if he only abuses you. Abuse is mental and physical. Your children see more than you think. This will last with them for life. Get out and have the weight lifted off of your shoulders and find someone
who treats you the way you deserve. If you seperate and he gets help, you will be the one in a million that made it.
Two things I know :
https://watch002.securesites.net/contact/submit.htm
fill this out and ask for help, it is free and they will help.
The couple I mentioned did this.
Secondly, rent the movie Enough with Jennifer Lopez.
If only I could tell my childhood friend this right now
but she already knows.
~Take care of you~
2007-07-09 07:37:23 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I kept giving my abusive ex chance after chance after chance. Whenever he beat me, things would change for a little while (a couple of days. A week if I was lucky) and then he would be right back to hitting me and destroying anything that he could get his hands on. I understand what it is like to love someone like this, but it wasn't until I left that I realized that I didn't love him at all. I was young and stupid and just didn't know or think that I deserved so much better. This isn't something that is going to just stop one day, it is going to keep happening, you need to get out. Your children see this happening, even if you think they don't trust me they do, and they are more likely to become abusers (if they are boys) and become victims of domestice violence (if they are girls).
2007-07-09 07:32:20 · answer #4 · answered by Angela F 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Can a relationship survive domestic violence? It's been done but counseling has to be involved. Not just for you and the father of your children but also the children. The odds are slim that he'll change otherwise. Another question you'll need to find the answer to is how will you survive without his income? Do you work? Are you self-sufficient? Do you have family that will help? As I said it's been done but it takes a lot of hard work by both parties and the odds are probably slim.
2007-07-09 07:28:25 · answer #5 · answered by Frosses 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Love has nothing to do with it at this point. You are with a man who has no concern for your safety or well being. I am sure you have seen the violence over the years. Staying with him will insure the violence will continue to increase. How far to you want it to go? He is not going to stop, but he will get worse. Get out of there as soon as you can so that your children will continue to have a mother. He has had enough chances, don't give him anymore. It is not OK to say you love him, and stay there and put yourself, as well as, your children in danger.
2007-07-09 07:52:35 · answer #6 · answered by K K 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No. That happened with me too. You can keep trying and trying but believe, it's no way that relationship will survive.
You have to understand that the feelings you have for him is because he is the father of your 3 kids. It's a big difference to loving some one because is your man( you know make you feel good in everything) or loving someone as a human been, or as a part of your circle of live. Move on do it for your kids. My dad always told me, when the semi-Gods leave, then the real Gods come.
2007-07-09 07:27:53 · answer #7 · answered by lixi 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if he hit once it'll never ever stop until one day he kills you, sorry to be so blunt, but thats not love(him hitting you).i know you've been together a very long time and you love him, but that kind of love does'nt feel good, does it?pray and ask god to give the strength and the frame of mind to get out of that relationship and then take off. think about it, what will happen to your kids if he kills you. think how that would really hurt them. ask him to get some counseling or join a domestic violence group and get help. if he wont do it, you'd better get away from him. save you and your childrens life. trust me, i dont care how long you've been with him, youWILL love again. good luck.
2007-07-09 07:34:00 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
From experience: No. It doesn't get any better. It gets progressively worse until you and/or the children are either seriously injured or dead.
Love has absolutely nothing to do with it, either. I still love my ex and he loves me - but I can't - and won't live with the violence any more.
Besides, what is this teaching your children but that women are to be beaten up?
2007-07-09 07:38:38 · answer #9 · answered by Barbara B 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
NO!
Domestic violence is a NEVER-ending cycle. It's only going to get worse. They will say they are sorry over and over but still keep repeating the abuse. Get out now while you still can. I understand that you love him but you should love yourself more. Think about your children.
2007-07-09 07:26:21 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You've been in a relationship since you were 13, have 3 kids, no marriage license and domestic violence. Run as fast as you can.
2007-07-09 07:24:57 · answer #11 · answered by merrybodner 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋