We've been married for 12 years and he's been stressed and had an anxiety attack a few months ago. He really went off the deep end and left 2 weeks ago. He's home again but I don't know what to do. He has an appointment with a psychiatrist Wed. He won't say I love you or kiss me. I've been bending over backwards so he can rest when he comes home and isn't stressed out. He tells the kids when they have a problem to take it up with the cook or tell the waitress. I begged him the last time we had sex and it was almost a week ago. He thinks it may be mental and that's why he wants to go to the psyciatrist. He says he feels numb and tingly inside and gets pissed off easy. How should I handle this? What should I do?
2007-07-09 07:19:33 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I wouldn't add more stress to him by pushing him for answers he doesn't have yet. He sounds overwhelmed. Try backing off of pressuring him. Let him seek the answers he needs and don't take anything personal. You should be glad he's open to seeking help and support him in that. That's very proactive of him. You should be praising him for his courage. Be positive around him and don't appear needy because he is giving off bigtime vibes that he can't handle any neediness at this time from anyone. Again, give him time. Try to think of his needs and set yours aside for awhile. If he is suffering from anxiety, he's going through hell. I also love someone who has experienced something similar. This is your time to be their rock, not the leaky boat. This does not mean that you should be a doormat, but give him some time to sort it out. You shouldn't have to live a lifetime through this or anything, but a short time of helping him through is just a small sacrifice to make if you believe he can recover soon and this was not a behavior that occurred previously.
Stress is a libido killer, by the way.
2007-07-09 07:27:53 · answer #1 · answered by here_nor_there 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Number 1-You have to make sure that he realizes that you are not just "the cook" or "the watiress" that is a blatant sign of disrespect toward you. I would be sure to clear that up first and foremost.
Number 2-It seems that he is willing to seek help for his problem which is a good thing. He will need your help and support. Even though he's stressed, that doesn't mean that you should be "bending over backwards" to make sure that he can rest. Everyone gets stressed. The only way to get through stress is to learn how to work through it. The world doesn't stop because he's stressed. I know mine doesn't. It seems that you have a good relationship with him. Just remind him how much you care about him and tell him that you are there for him. Working things out together is easier than him doing it alone.
Good luck!
2007-07-09 07:28:41 · answer #2 · answered by Diane 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There is a deeper problem then him not saying "I love you" or "I miss you". There is more than likely a long term problem that has been bothering him, and he has kept it bottled up for so long, that the slightest irritation, and I mean slightest, can set off a full rampage. Not that he wants to, but he may no longer have control over his emotional response. There is a couple other options besides a psyciatrist.... although that is not a bad idea. Perhaps mention that you would like to go see a "Marriage Counselor". Perhaps it is your fault that he has gotten this angry... (Not really true, but this will open his mind to talking... Guys are the macho type and not always want to admit they are wrong. They are more likely to go to a marriage counselor if they know it might not all be their fault). Another option along these lines is a marriage conference. I truly am speaking from experience. I have been in his shoes. A spilled glass of milk was a major argument in our house. MAJOR. Now, after counseling and finding the root of our problem, a spilled glass of milk gets cleaned up and that is the end of it. Wish you the best of God's grace. Godspeed....
2007-07-09 07:32:21 · answer #3 · answered by cpleseekingfmf 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You're husband may be stressed out and in a depression. Be thankful that he's going to a psychiatrist and work on it from there. If there isn't any improvement after 6 months of his taking medication, then tell him you want a trial separation.
2007-07-09 07:24:16 · answer #4 · answered by Frosses 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well if things don't change after his visit to the psychiatrist's office then you may wanna consider divorce...there's no sense in trying to make something work if your husband doesn't wanna meet you half way. A marriage is suppose to be about communnication, and since your hubby obviously doesn't wanna do that then...you may need to seek out an attorney...sorry.
2007-07-09 07:24:59 · answer #5 · answered by Tiara J 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I've been there and felt like that before. He gets "pissed off easy" because he's irritable; mental illnesses like anxiety and depression can make you feel this way.
Your husband definitely needs to see psychiatric help; a psychiatrist would prescribe him meds and a psychologist would help him "talk out" his feelings and what not.
2007-07-09 07:25:09 · answer #6 · answered by chrstnwrtr 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, I would be greatful that he is willing to check into getting help for his stress and anxiety. That is going to be the best thing. Next I would see if he would be willing to go to counseling for your relationship. It would seem that he would be willing to do this, since he doesn't have a problem going to a psychiatrist.
Good luck to you!
2007-07-09 07:24:51 · answer #7 · answered by Angie D 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'd like to say it's one of those rough times that we all have, and it is easy to occasionally take it out on your partner. But "take it up with the cook or tell the waitress" is so demeaning, things like that sound like he has a total lack of respect for you. I suppose you should just wait it out a little while and see if the psychiatrist helps at all.
2007-07-09 07:26:34 · answer #8 · answered by firstythirsty 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Just support him. If he is willing to talk to someone and get help that is great. Be there if he needs to talk to you, be open to listening to what he has to say. And most of all if he needs you to go to therapy with him then go!
2007-07-09 07:23:00 · answer #9 · answered by sarcastic 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like depression/anxiety. The psychiatrist should be able to help him, or refer him to someone who can. Just give him some space until he goes for his appt. As long as he is willing to get help, he can be helped.
2007-07-09 07:34:30 · answer #10 · answered by Geronimo5 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋