any help?
2007-07-09 06:38:02 · 11 answers · asked by HereIam 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
The porn is not the issue here it is the lying that you did to cover it up. If you lied about the porn then what else would/did you lie about.
Then the porn becomes the secondary issue. Why would you look at another naked woman when you have your wife? Why would you masturbate over the porn when you could do your wife instead.
Your wife is probably feeling that yo're not attracted to her and that you are lying about other things. You need to show her that she is wrong and that you can commit to her by dropping the porn or unplugging or blocking the porn sites and paying attention to her nad showering her with gifts and passion.
Perhaps down the road she will be able to forgive you but you will need to now make amends if you relaly want this marriage to work.
2007-07-09 06:50:14 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
There are 12 step groups for porn addicts. And it IS an addiction. And it qualifies for cheating on a wife.
So go and get help, please. Tell your wife to get help too from a 12 step group for wives of porn addicts. And try to understand that you have scarred (and scared too,) your wife and really hurt your commitment level.
If you want help, you can find it. If you do not, your addiction will stifle all love your wife may have had and ruin, (again, I say RUIN) your marriage and your family. Is it worth it??
There are no excuses for porn, except to make wealthy the makers of it. Get rid of the computer, and/or get an accountability partner. Try XXXchurch dot org - or is it dot com.? They are a Christian organisation especially to help porn addicts.
2007-07-09 06:54:58 · answer #2 · answered by thisbrit 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My husband did the same thing to me. And as much as it did make wonder about how I looked, and what he thought of me - in the end it all came down to the lie.
It's been 6 years, and I still feel self conscious about myself, and still have a hard time trusting him. He never took responsibility for it, and laid it all on me.
Also - I was having a high risk pregnancy at the time. I was fat, feeling ugly, miserable and tired. PLUS my doctor had told us not to have sex due to some complications I was having. So on top of all of that - he did what he did and put on me.
It's been tough. Own up to it, consider her feelings and what you can do together to get past it.
Just be prepared for the long journey.
2007-07-09 07:06:51 · answer #3 · answered by jt 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Be patient. You made your bed, now you have to lay in it. Every time she asks you something, be honest, even if it's something you don't want to tell her, and even if you've told her a thousand times. You broke it, you need to fix it. Trust me. My husband started doing that "tell her what she wants to hear" crap, and made the mistake of thinking I'd fall for it. All it did was cause problems. Also, don't change your statement when she's badgering you, it will only make her more confused. When she asks things repetitively, it's because she's wanting to know for sure. If you change your answer just because she keeps asking (like my husband does) she'll never be convinced of your honest and will keep asking. That one is a vicious, vicious cycle that only snowballs out of control.
2007-07-09 07:20:25 · answer #4 · answered by Lady in Red 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Perhaps it's not your porn that made her feel insecure but your lying.
Lying about anything in a relationship usually makes people feel less secure and less sure about each other.
There is no quick and easy way to regain trust. You have to be trustworthy with her for a long, long time. And eventually she will begin to trust you again.
2007-07-09 06:47:34 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
oh my! some people are against the idea of porn. But it sounds like she might be thinking that you lied to her and she is not enough for you so you need porn.
2007-07-09 07:03:09 · answer #6 · answered by Kenzie99 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My ex-husband lied about porn. Unfortunately, he would rather spend time looking at porn than spending time with his young daughter. Real winner.
2007-07-09 06:48:46 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
counseling. you need to understand WHY you're so obsessed with looking at this s**t, to the point where you need to LIE to your wife. She needs to understand why it bothers her.
Good luck, always be honest, it may sting for a bit in the beginning, but it's much less painful in the long run.
2007-07-09 06:59:25 · answer #8 · answered by Roland'sMommy 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
That is why you shouldn't lie to your spouse..about ANYTHING!!!!!!
I mean what do you expect? You lied to her? If my husband lied to me, i would not be able to trust him, i would wonder what else he has lied about and yeah i would probably be insecure as well..
All you can do is talk to her, or suggest marriage counceling!
2007-07-09 06:54:23 · answer #9 · answered by Kasja 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The only thing that helps is that you have to forgive and FORGET...forgiving is the easy part...until...you remember that forgiveness hasn't happened till you forget...when she DECIDES to forget (AND YOU DO NOT BRING IT BACK INTO HER MEMORY--MEANING..STOP!!) then she will feel more inclined to forget..
for women it is much harder for them to NOT feel the resentment or the hurt...for guys..its like..."really? what video was it??"..and I am being sarcastic..I know that some guys would be offended...but it isn't nearly the same for us as it is them...
2007-07-09 06:48:04 · answer #10 · answered by juanes addicion 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋