My husband and I have been married for 4 years. We have been having some major ups and downs lately, and we are working things out. Anyway, a male friend of mine, whom I have known since grade school, has started calling me quite a bit in the last couple of months. I did confided in him what has been going on with my husband, ONLY because I wanted to get a male perspective as to some of my husbands actions. But he knows things are much better now, with me and my husband. My friend called me last Friday and as we were hanging up he told me " I love...uh...Later." Yeah, I'll talk to you Later." I nearly fainted. This friend of mine is someone I was crazy about, until I met my husband 5 years ago. During our teenage yrs. my friend knew I liked him, but he was never interested in me, yet he would get all upset if I dated someone or didn't pay attention to him. Although we have remained friends over the years, do I just ignore what he started to say or do I just stop a 23 year friendship?
2007-07-09 06:28:42 · 13 answers · asked by Amy L 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
If he only meant it in the "Friend" since of the word, why did he catch himself and change what he was saying??? I think that's what I am referring to.
2007-07-09 06:43:56 · update #1
Don't worry I am not leaving my husband for him!!! I love my husband too much. And If I have to drop this friendship, so be it!!
2007-07-09 06:48:23 · update #2
Guys always want what they can't have and tend to prey on vulnerabilities. He sees trouble in paradise and the chance (hope there isn't a significant one in this case) that maybe you're looking for "something on the side". This guy sounds like a real loser and his ship has sailed. He lost his opportunity the day you said "I do" and you need to cut contact...if not permanently, at least scale it back quite a bit. If you feel comfortable, let him know that there isn't any chance of anything more than friendship from you and you hope that he'll be a true friend and respect your and your husband's boundaries.
2007-07-09 06:48:39 · answer #1 · answered by LULU1114 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all I really think you should stop all contact with your friend.... It is not a good idea for you, for him or for your marriage.
Sometimes when people have problems in their marriage they tend to want to get the attention or reassurance from other people, its a dangerous thing when that other person is from the opposite sex.
"cheating" does not have to mean sexual intercourse, cheating can also be emotional... when you share feelings and emotions that should be shared only with your spouse.
i think the fact that you both have some history together also makes the problem bigger and him telling you i love...., might be a sign that things are not heading towards anything good.
if i were you, i would really just stop the calls. don't give him any explanation or reasons.... don't feel any guilt about your friendship. your main concern should be your marriage and your husband. as long as your friend is in the picture your marriage will be in the rocks.
2007-07-09 06:51:00 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Perhaps he loves you. Not as a spouse or lover, but just as a friend. I have a couple of female friends to whom I say I love you. I will even give them a kiss hello or goodbye. Nothing passionate or "romantic" just a kiss on the lips. I do this in front of my wife and she is fine with it. She knows it is rare for me to say I love you to someone (took me years to say it to anyone in her family and after 15 years I still don't say it to most of her family). She also understands that to me, there is different kinds of love, and just because I have a friend that I love, it doesn't mean I want to sleep with them or that there is anything more than friendship, it is just the way I am.
On the other hand, it may be his way of telling you that you will not ever be alone and need not feel lonely. I would not read too much into it until you have more indications that it means more than simply that you are a good, long time friend for whom he care very much.
2007-07-09 06:40:04 · answer #3 · answered by s1lvermidnight 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You made this guy feel special because you were confiding in him your personal business.
Now that he knows your husbands faults, he can use that as a leverage to get your attention as being the "better" catch.
He may have stumbled on his words. But how does your husband feel about this guy calling you?
Are you sure this relationship isn't causing additional strain on your marriage?
If you confide in anyone, it should be your husband. And you should leave your marital woes between you two, not your friends, not your family members, and certainly not a former boyfriend.
2007-07-09 06:50:20 · answer #4 · answered by Ella 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, you sound mature and sane. Dont be like all the trashy women you see on YA and all over! Tell him you cannot talk and ignore him. He only wants to break your marriage. These men always want to do something and make happy lives end. Be happy with your poor husband and be the best and make him proud. Be a example for the kids. Be a real home maker.
2007-07-09 06:32:42 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would just ignore it like you didn't hear it. If things continue to go that way, you can deal with it then. It may just have been a slip of the tongue.
I've said things to people on the phone when I'm distracted, "Bye babe" to a friend, or "love you too" when they didn't say it, lol. Honest mistakes with no hidden meaning.
2007-07-09 06:33:40 · answer #6 · answered by Stephanie J 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yeah the most that can come of this is a hot love affair...
don't leave your husband for him..... it sounds like he couldn't find anyone else, so is is beating on your drum to see what happens...
I woulden't do it... if anything, talk to him and all,,, but just remember his goal here is to get you in the sack.. and he will take any scraps along the way.
very dangerous... alot of mental pressure... like a drug,,, great when you first take it, but it becomes a real bad downer, and could have life long afftects...
2007-07-09 06:46:12 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Drop the friendship now. You should have never confided in this guy in the first place. What happens in your home wasn't anything he really needed to know.
2007-07-09 07:30:44 · answer #8 · answered by az_mommma 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
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2016-10-20 10:35:31 · answer #9 · answered by smyers 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ignore it like you didn't hear it. If he is a good friend he will continue to respect his friend boundaries. If he starts crossing the line then have that conversation with him.
2007-07-09 06:36:21 · answer #10 · answered by tpurtygrl 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋