So I have been dating a man going thru a divorce. We are very good friends with benefits. We made that decision early on in the relationship, because he was so emotionally unavailable at the time. It has been three months of this type of dating, and now I am finding myself caring for him more than i anticipated.
Also, his divorce hearing got postponed two more motnhs, which sent him into a slight depression. And he has been distant ever since. Not returning calls, texts, etc... But when I talk to him eventually, he is super sweet. And last week we had this super intense convo... he said he loved me. I understand what he is going thru is tough and I want to be there for him in every capacity. But I don't want to add any new stresses of my emotions. BUT... I really like this guy, and he is super sweet and I finally found a NICE GUY.
So... he has not called this week. Should I tell him how I feel or just stop calling and walk away?
My heart is hurting...
2007-07-09 06:27:26 · 12 answers · asked by Mitch 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He did not text or phone the previous week... and I called him up and finally got a hold of him. he siad he has been avoiding everyone... even his mom.
I told him I was trying to give him space even though I missed him, because I knew that the pressure of the divorce was really getting to him. He does not want to reconcile. The soon to be ex is a nutbag. She is stealing money out of his account (10K unauthorized), moved a new man in his house, and is a trainwreck. and then in our phone convo... he said he didn't know how he got so luck to have found me. And we talked that day for four hours. It was a great convo... lots said. that is where the i love you came in... out of thankfulness I am sure, not passion. And I felt so much better after that convo.
But now I feel crappy again... cause he just is not calling or anything! UGH
2007-07-09 07:20:16 · update #1
Yeah, I would stroll away for a while. Have a little talk and tell him that you care about him but both of you need to have some distance until his divorce is final. Then start getting back together. His declaration to you sounds too much like a rebound effect. It would be best for both of you to back off for a while.
2007-07-09 06:44:35 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you really care for him and have promised to give him enough space to work through this divorce then you need to do so. It is not easy, even when you want the divorce. It is a very stressful time, trust me, I've been there. If he does care for you he will appreciate you helping him through this and you will mean that much more to him. If you are not comfortable or feel like you are being taken advantage of , then walk away. Only you can make the final call.
2007-07-09 13:32:39 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Sounds to me that your only good to him when he wants you around for companionship.
You said that he is telling you that he loves you but how can this be true when he is still married. Regardless of the upcoming divorce this guy still has attachments to his wife and its not going to leave his mind as quickly as you would like for it to, be prepared to be second best to him.
He shouldnt even be involved in a relationship right now because of his emotional state.
Look at it like this: If the two of you were to have a long lasting relationship and children are born between the two of you how are you going to feel about explaining to your children one day how you met. Are you going to say "oh daddy was still married and mommy hooked up with him". Its embarrassing when you put a long lasting aspect on it.
Move on and let him do the same-you deserve better.
2007-07-09 13:34:44 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
From what you've said, it doesn't sound like this guy has done anything wrong, so I don't think you should just walk away. If he has been upset because the divorce was postponed, maybe he's still feeling down about it. I think you should definitely go see him and tell him how you feel. It's most certainly worth a try!
2007-07-09 13:32:52 · answer #4 · answered by crabbyone 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just maybe send him an e-mail or leave a VM telling him you're going to be there for him, and if he needs his space, you understand. Just show that you're going to be supportive, no matter what & he'll probably appreciate the fact that you're not putting any pressure on him.
2007-07-09 14:03:44 · answer #5 · answered by Roland'sMommy 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Give him his space. Even though you really like him, try keeping you're distance for a while.........keep yourself busy or take a vacation.............In the end you're going to get hurt, if the divorce doesn't go through. There's no way he could stop having feelings for his wife....Give it some time, before you end up hurting and torturing yourself more than you already have.....................
2007-07-09 13:39:16 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I would have to say that this relationship probably won't go anywhere. It is going to take him a long time to recover from this. You deserve someone who is ready for the same type of relationship that you are looking for. It doesn't sound like this guy is the one...Sorry.
2007-07-09 13:37:02 · answer #7 · answered by Angie D 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I understand divorces can be post poned...but, also understand this...and this is what my grandfather told my mother..."you are not to see this man until his divorce is final!" So, my suggestion is to tell this man you can't continue on with him until his divorce is absolutely final. The more it drags on, the more of a chance he is to get back w/ his wife.
2007-07-09 13:32:44 · answer #8 · answered by elvlayarvvi fEisty wife and mom 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
your heart is doomed, typically a relationship started before a divorce is final isnt going to go far,, he needs at least 2 years to heal from his finacial and emotional train wreck esp if she left him,
best to just not bed him but be a friend, typically first time divorces tell everyone their problems, he may have found another,
2007-07-09 13:31:45 · answer #9 · answered by rich2481 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Its great that you worry so much about his feelings but I have to ask what about your feelings? Dont you matter?? Its best to tell him how you feel. If he tells you he cant handle it atleast you will know and can move on before it causes you any more pain than it already has.
2007-07-09 13:33:03 · answer #10 · answered by gagirl01 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋