My husband is Turkish, 42 and have ben married 20 years have 1 daughter 17. I am 54, of Italian parentage but have lived in UK for 40 years. I caught him cheating 18 months ago and he now says that he was too young to get married that he is a free spirit and that he wants to do whatever. He has got an apartment where he used to stay 3 days a week, but now stays there less. He says he wants to leave the house we live in to our daughter and that I can stay here till I die as long as I don't get another man. (half of it is in my name anyway). What he is saying is that he will look after me in every sense (inc. sex)only if he is allowed to come and go as he pleases. I am still an attractive woman but I work alone and don't know many people to mix with as he kept all friends at arms length. I am asking myself whether I can trust this arrangement as I have no guarantees that he would change his mind later on. I can't decide what to do my daughter is doing exams don't want to unsettle her.
2007-07-09 06:26:18 · 26 answers · asked by Angela O 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
No-you will be his free meal when he cant get another-call for intervention, everything you two have is half yours-if he wont take counseling-have the intervention help you have him removed from the home-and-get divorced and 1/2 of everything, with spousal and child support. This is the abuse of the religion of the land which comes in one form or another-when we miss Jesus words to true love and friendship.
and help your daughter to learn too=Relationship with another is a gift from God, if you truely love someone you commit to them. Marriage is to put it into writing telling the whole world that you are legally together in honor-lots of guys will say they love someone and live in with them yet as someone said to me =
Best Answer - Chosen By Voters
I agree with "Makemeaspark" about guys that say they love and commit but wont marry, "The heart is decietful." Jeremiah, but it is not just the hurting ones that fall for believing a guy when he says he loves you, and lets be together. Sometimes you believe because you believe (in innocence) that truth and lies are obvious. And in your arrogance (or youth) you think you can tell the difference. You trust and are deceived, and there are those who are loyal even after the deception is revealed, out of duty, out of fear, out of a misguided loyalty...wow it still hurts. Sometimes they stay because they feel stupid and worthless and have no where else to turn. They feel like they deserve the punishment of being unloved, because they were untrue to their own moral compass, and unfaithfull to God. So they stay untill they are discarded. 3 Votes 43%
this helped me as raised a Jew to see the deaper truths to believe too=Christian means a follower of the Messiah-who came as a Jew- the believer in Jesus-has power over the mind to control their thoughts, thus when Jesus says to forgive and let Me handle it, or about lust is adultry against God, or hate is murder in the heart, we have the calling to cast down all imaginations that exault themselves against God which brings true peace and joy to our heart in all situations (Philippians 4:4-20).
My Jewish people believe in the comming of a Messiah, and his fulfillment is in Jesus. The laws of Judaism were given specifically to the Jewish people to be kept and to guide them to the promised Messiah.
Isaiah 9:6 the child to be the Son given, the mighty God and the prince of peace..
Isaiah 52:13-53:12 To be the exalted one. To first be marred more than any man, and to lay down his life to make atonement for our sins.
The way I came to know him is by believing what he spoke to us from heaven (Revelation1:1 chapter 1 verse 1 & 3:19&20 "I love you and ask you to repent of your sins (even one lie) quickly. Behold I stand at your heart door and knock If you hear my word and open the door, I will come in and be your friend."
so I prayed "Jesus I am sorry for my sins, come into my heart and help me, be my friend, amen."
Its all good and now as a Jew who has come to know Jesus is my Messiah, savior, and best friend giving me joy beyond words and power to live right. And someone said this for me telling them this too
Praying the best for you in every way, David
2007-07-09 06:37:41 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Are you ok with being used and technically treated as a leftover while he sleeps with whoever he wants?
You can divorce him and get half of everything and see a man that actually care for you if you like. No need to settle for a man that basically has said that he wants to treat you like the first wife while he adds a few others.
Of course, I don't know the whole situation but I wouldn't want to be in your situation. I wouldn't settle for occasional sex and certainly an old fashioned or archaic love. It isn't love at all.
If he wants to be free, you should be free too. That is fair. Of course, you married a Turkish guy so you might be use to it by now. But Americans aren't quite so tolerant. It is the curse of the old world way.
He is not looking after you....if he finds that he needs extra on the side, then technically he doesn't look after you in "every sense".
It is really up to you. But legally you have a lot more rights than you think. See a lawyer, learn your rights. Be empowered.
2007-07-09 13:37:16 · answer #2 · answered by kishoti 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
42 and still to young to be married? Doesn't sound right to me. You can't trust him he can't take the house away from you and kick you out. Your name is on it too. Sounds like he is looking for a younger woman(sorry) And when he dose he will try to kick you out anyway. He wants you to keep up on the house and keep it nice for him later on. Honey he is banking on you dieing first so he can have his cake and eat it too.
You are not to old to move on and if your daughter is 17 she will understand life happens she would want you to be happy too. She will be alright with her tests and what not. I am sure you can stay at the house till her tests are over with. divorce doesn't happen over night it takes time and I am sure it will take time to sell the home also. If he already has an apartment he can move out and let you move on. You will never be able to trust him don't take the chance you will regret it. Good luck
2007-07-09 13:43:20 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You must gather your strength and move on.
He will surely find another girlfriend, and she will not like the idea of you being around, so he will cut you off. Atleast now, you are prepared for this. Get out in your time, not in his. Do not accept his offer to keep you as his whore. Is this what you would want for your daughter? Be a good role model. Our kids always follow what we do.
You should NOT depend on him. Keep your job, get your OWN apartment (far away from him), and be independent.
In all due time, you WILL find yourself. You WILL find a man. That all takes time. It will come when you're ready. People are everywhere. You don't need to know many people. It's nice to have just one or two good friends. That's all we really need.
2007-07-09 13:35:37 · answer #4 · answered by Mimi 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have been asking advice about your husband for a long time now. Dump him and get all arrangements in writing wiht an attorney. You can meet other people by going to social events, religious activities, sports, etc. Don't worry, if you are smart and attractive you won't be lonely. Make some good girlfriends to hang out with first and get over the husband. This isn't going anywhere and you need out. NOW!
2007-07-09 13:34:22 · answer #5 · answered by manoflamancha 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This guy is a control freak, he wants his cake and eat it. No you cannot trust him. he wants to do whatever he likes, but you can only do what he tells you. He comes from a culture that dominates women and that is what he is still trying to do to you. He has forfeited all rights to your life and what you choose to do with it.
The finances are a bit tricky, if the house was sold and you got half could you fund another home, mortgage etc, or would you have enough to buy a smaller place?
You need to speak to a solicitor and plan for divorce, this man's word isn't worth the paper its written on.
2007-07-09 13:42:50 · answer #6 · answered by Mars 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your husband wants to keep you (and not let you date) and play the "free spirited" bachelor. This is not a healthy situation for you and I hope that you value yourself more than your husband does. If you do this he has complete control over you. He cannot make you leave your home if you own half of it nor is he doing you a favor by looking after you because in a divorce he will have to do that anyway.
2007-07-09 13:34:53 · answer #7 · answered by Kristy s 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You go along with that offer and he controls you still. Get a lawyer and see what you would be entitled to under the law and think about it from there. Since you own half the house anyway, I dont think he can negotiate anything with the house. As far as the sex, he wants you as a fall back in case he strikes out when he is out trying to get some. so if you want to be at his beck and call anytime he feels like having sex go ahead and agree
2007-07-09 13:33:16 · answer #8 · answered by dave n 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
So -- it's OK for him to cheat on you and have sex with other women, but not for you to do the same? Honey -- he OWNS you. You are a slave to him, if you go along with him. I'm not sure about your laws, but you already own at least half of the house, so his "deal" is meaningless. By the way, how do you know this "free sprit" isn't bringing home diseases from all the other women (or men) he is sleeping with? Get on with yours and your daughter's lives! Make new friends, and have fun!
2007-07-09 13:32:49 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am inclined to NOT trust the arrangement, and that's clearly how you're inclined as well. I suggest that you contact a lawyer to get professional advice. Don't let your husband unilaterally decide what's best for you and your daughter--speak up and be heard. Good luck.
2007-07-09 13:34:48 · answer #10 · answered by Winnie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have many years of life left. Leave the jerk. You don't need to be treated this way, and you are being abusive to yourself if you stay. Half of all you have is yours. Get a lawyer and take what is yours and go find someone who will care for you and truly love you. You deserve it!!
2007-07-09 13:30:58 · answer #11 · answered by Somethingtotry 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋