what did I do wrong?

Question

Yesterday, I asked my husband if we could just cuddle . he said he was busy reading.I felt like he was not considering my feelings and I told him how it made me feel. I also brought up a few occasion I have felt like he lacked affection.I felt like most of the time he is affectionate is when we are making love.I told him that sometimes he is not very kind with what he says and that it hurts me .I did not mention the good things he does during this conversation coz I felt that I needed to let him know what I thought was wrong.well, he got mad at me and now he will not talk to me coz he says that I do not appreciate the good things he does &should consider the good aspects before I paint him as a heartless monster.he said his reading is important.we have a good relationship &get along well but sometimes when I try to tell him something he will either hear me or he wont &then he gets made and will not talk to me for days.tell me what I did wrong, how to solve this & how to avoid fights

Answer 1

You didn't do anything wrong. He's got a classic case of "all or nothing" thinking. In other words, if you express one thought of disappointment then he feels you are completely disappointed.

Personally, I don't understand his point of view, but that doesn't make it wrong. If a women asks a man to cuddle and he'd rather read a book? I don't understand that....He probably could have read and cuddled eh?

I guess the next time, I wouldn't be so up front with him. Just say something like "well when you are done with that reading, come an cuddle because I feel alone." No man wants their wife to feel alone, because we all know where that leads.

Answer 2

I don't think it's anything you did wrong. Just like he said he feels that you are focusing on all the negative things...the question here is are there more negative than positive?
If yes, then you two need to sit down and talk it out, if no just remember to pick and choose your battles wisely..lol
I learned that really fast after getting married.
I also have 2 littel one's so even when life gets to be a little hectic i have to try and step-out of the situation for a moment and remeber that I do love him, and this fight isn't worth an argument.
I'm sure you and him can compromise and come up with a plan for you to get more cuddle time and him more reading..then everyone is happy, which eliminates the fighting.

Answer 3

Men are not very affectionate and do not show it as often as women do. They tend to be more affectionate during sex, it is their vulnerable moment.

Next time when you tell him something that he is not doing right, also tell him what he is doing right. You have to balance it with the negative and the positive. If you only let the negative out it does make the person feel like s/he is unappreciated. Another thing when he does show some affection, reinforce it with some positive feed back i.e., cook him his favorite meal, get him his favorite beer, be generous to him in bed. After all the positive reinforcement thing that we do for a child also works for adults.

Answer 4

just make sure he dosen't have a girlfriend on the side... i know when I did, any little thing that my wife did aggrivated me soo much and i would explode for no apparent reason... later I think it was cause, I had the security of knowing I had someone else that I really cared about at the time, meaning my GF), that I had the b a l l s to tell my wife off...... by the way, once I broke up with the GF, I actually learned alot and now treat my wife, the way she deserves to be treated...

not saying it is another girl, but if all the signs add up....-

Answer 5

As a husband myself, I can honestly say that I don't always do what my wife thinks I should - but that doesn't mean that it gives her the right to slam-dunk me. Wives, as well as husbands, should remember that we all have feelings and when you discuss bad things you should also discuss the good things. I suggest that you go to your husband and apologize for being negative and the two of you make-up. Good Luck.

Answer 6

You tried to emotionally manipulate him.
You valued your feelings and wants ABOVE his.
I'm not saying his feelings or wants are more important.
In truth NEITHER one of you is more important than the other.
What you did was try and guilt him into submitting to your wants.
I personally close up when someone tries that with me.
Loving someone is accepting them (good&bad) for who they truly are. You not do that. You pointed out all his faults and where you realized it or not said, "you aren't good enough for me". That is not loving at all. You need to just accept him as he is and stop trying to change him because all that is doing is pushing him away. Its clear to me he is too strong of a person to bend your emotional games.

Answer 7

men are from Mars - remember?! Sound slike you are married to my husband. Men are just like this and need their winding down space. Women usually need more affection and its just the way it goes. Try to pick your times when he is not reading (my husband hates when i interrupt his reading).
Not sure I am much help but I know just how you feel

Answer 8

This whole situation sounds TOTALLY IMMATURE ON BOTH YOUR PARTS!