We have been together 7 years and have a son together. If something were to happen to me, I know he and my son would be okay financially because I have left him everything. However, this would not be the case if something were to happen to him. His 2 brothers are his beneficiaries.
Though I have a good paying job, I still rely on his income to help pay our bills. I know we would struggle. And I also know that I would be the one to organize & pay for his funeral.
His argument is "My brothers aren't greedy. They won't leave you high and dry." I don't feel it should be necessary for me to ask them for anything.
Then he tells me, "You're so money hungry. How do I know when I die, you aren't going to spend it all on your new boyfriend?" WTF?! Maybe twice in the seven years we've been together have I asked him for money and it's never been for more than $20.
So am I wrong to be upset about this?
2007-07-09 05:01:42 · 29 answers · asked by Nicky G 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
oooh gurl i would be pissed... the purpose for a beneficiary is to make sure the person that has to cover the furneral...CAN cover the funeral... but MOST OF ALL to make sure the family that relied on you is taken care of. now being you guys have a son if nothing else he should put him as the #1 beneficiary and appoint him a trustee if he doesn't trust you...because his well being should be his #1 concern and not what you do with the next boyfriend that is sooo friggin ignorant... Shallow... and simple. Viewing the teeny tiny picture surrounding you.. completely missing the bigger issue of him not being here anymore and his son possibly struggling because of this... I mean you would probably handle it I don't doubt that but... for him to not even consider that is just stupid... good reason to be pissed... BE PISSED... BE REAL PISSED!!! Brothers are you kidding me do they have your kid? WHAT?!!?
2007-07-09 06:34:29 · answer #1 · answered by Que 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No i think you are right to be angry. There's a reason he dont want you to have the money. I don't know why but i see there to be some what of an issue. I would want my boyfriend of seven years to have the money to solely take care of the child. If he made a comment about being greedy maybe in his mine he thinks it wont go to the right things. Men can be silly sometimes. I would change your will and leave everything to your son when he turns 21. Leave enough for your funeral and the rest to your son. Don't worry your boyfriend will take care of his son if something would happen. Or you could ask to give custody to you mom or a sister until he is 18.
2007-07-09 07:45:50 · answer #2 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are nuts if your were not upset. His brothers won't leave you high and dry because he already has. I think it is time to consider leaving. Change your will to have your estate go to your family. What is right for the goose is right for the gander. I think there is a serious trust issue with him in your relationship.
Perhaps he should leave his estate to your son and name an executor to act on his behalf. This way you will have some resources to make Need meet and he can rest assured that you are not spending it on a new BF. I am sorry your BF is a real piece of work. In my humble opinion, I would suggest that you do the same with your estate. That way you are sure that your son will be provided for and not his brothers. If you were to each die in an accident this afternoon. His brothers have it all. You owe it to your son to take care of him!!
Good Luck!!!! I think you need to really understand how the father of your child looks at you and your relationship. You can do better!
2007-07-09 05:16:49 · answer #3 · answered by Willie J 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No. You should change your primary beneficiary to be your son and a secondary beneficiary to be a relative you trust to make sure your son is taken care of. Should something happen to you while he is still a minor, the money can be put into a trust until he is a legal adult. Make sure your boyfriend knows you have done this. If he gets upset - just tell him "how do I know you wouldn't spend it on your new girlfriend?" Seriously, you do need to make sure your son's interests are #1 since you cannot count on your boyfriend to do this. Without a marriage license, you are not entitled to any social security survivors benefits etc. should something happen to your BF. Sounds like you have to look after yourself.
2007-07-09 05:12:14 · answer #4 · answered by arkiemom 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If I was you I would be pissed. If he is thinking that you will spend the money on a new boyfriend maybe that is what he may do shall something happen to you. If I was you I would switch my beneficiary over to your parents in C/O your child's name. That way you will know your child is taken care of. And what makes him think his brother's wouldn't leave you high and dry? Just because they say they wouldn't doesn't mean that. If they are upset with you then they may keep the money just to see you suffer.
2007-07-09 05:15:55 · answer #5 · answered by Calico L 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hell no, you're not wrong. What a crappy thing to do to your spouse! You should be the beneficiary. Your the one whose got a kid with the man, not the brothers. I have a friend that is doing the exact thing to her hubby. She put her friend as the bene. and he will be stuck with the funeral costs, but she is his beneficiary. And they've been married for 15 years. They might not have kids together, but i still think that if you're going to leave the debts to the spouse after death, then they should be the ones to get the insurance money to help pay things off.
2007-07-09 05:15:40 · answer #6 · answered by Mastershake 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would make your son the beneficiary with bf being secondary. That way you know everything is going to your son, which is how it should be if you are not legally married. Make sure this is stipulated in your will. Just because you state it outwardly doesn't mean that if something should God forbid happen to you, bf won't take it all. Make sure that the will is set up that if anything should happen to you, all of your insurance goes in trust for your son until he is 18, and then he will be able to take it as he wishes. Bf should be secondary and that is only if something should happen to you and your son at the same time. I had to drag my husband to the lawyer's office to get all this straight because he has 2 kids from a 1st marriage as well as I do, but his kids don't want anything to do with me, so I made sure the will state that all MY possessions went to my kids (which I would rather disperse prior to my death so I know that's where they went). I have life insurance that has both my kids only named as beneficiaries. My husband knows about it. He is only named as the secondary, and that means he can only receive benefits if anything happens to me and my kids at the same time. I would contact a lawyer and change how you have your insurance set up.
2007-07-09 05:09:37 · answer #7 · answered by kikio 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think that your son should be the beneficiary, not you or his brothers. I think that their are laws in place that take into consideration the need for underage children to be cared for out of a deceased parents estate. A good lawyer would be able to tell you more. Also, why does he assume that you are "money hungry" or that you would spend the money on a "new boyfriend"? Seems that there are underlying issues that should be addressed.
2007-07-09 06:23:41 · answer #8 · answered by Kristy s 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes you shouldnt have to go ask his brothers for money to help support a child you have together maybe you could suggest he leave your son as a beneficiary instead of the brothers thats what my husband and i did his sister was the benificiary and i was told the same thing you were i would go spend it on a boyfriend which isnt true but in any case he changed it to be left to our kids after having a long and drawn out discussion and im happy with that choice
2007-07-09 05:09:10 · answer #9 · answered by mmedina96 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're not wrong, he's a controlling jerk. And don't trust his brothers to do the right thing, people have a way of showing their true colors when there's a death in the family.
Even if he has some ridiculous reason for excluding you, his child should be his sole beneficiary. At any rate, if he refuses to change this, I would insist that he take out a separate policy for you and the child.
2007-07-09 05:30:20 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋