please tell me what you think of this poem I wrote?

Question

hair blowing behind you
like black silk ribbons,
laughing with crying eyes.
You hug me tight,
our hair mixing like day and night,
side by side,
when we're together,we fly like two butterflies
on a warm summer day
let's pray
that this day never ends
and we'll always be friends,
just holding hands,
in a golden dance let's play while we're young,
let's have fun
under the setting sun
and
if it falls on us,
you
and I
will fly.
Let's lie
under the stars at night,
the moon can be
our light.
eyes twinkling.
let's play with the
velvety black sky,
and smell the smell
of dark scary nothing.
We can be friends forever
or until the end of
today.
Watching the sunrise together,
remembering giggling with you,
laughing,crying,talk of dying
old and grey,one day.
or maybe we can live forever.

Answer 1

Pretty sweet.

I think your intended might be well pleased.

Read your poem out loud to see if that's the way you want to say what you say. Some times when I read my own poetry aloud, I find ways to improve the rhythm or the sound. I might not like the way something sounds, so I change it by using synonyms (words that mean the same) or I take out unnecessary words to adjust the rhythm.

Read more of the poems of great poets, good poetry, what YOU think is good, and learn from them.

Again, your poem is very sweet. You sure do have a loving heart, and you have some talent which could well improve, if you practice. Keep writing.

Answer 2

I thought this was really creative and nice. I liked your imagery. Good first lines too:

hair blowing behind you
like black silk ribbons,

Answer 3

I really enjoyed reading this poem. It reminded me of my best friend when we were in high school. You are very talented, keep writing. If you don't mind, send me some more of your poetry!

Answer 4

Your poem is honest and it moves with an innocence that often alludes older writers. Keep your innocence as long as you can, it disappears so quickly, so quietly...like tears, in rain.

Answer 5

It is beautiful you should go to www.poetry.com and enter it in theur contest....I have several times and have won 100 dollars once!

Answer 6

beautiful poem..it reminds me of how elated I feel whem I'm with that speacil someone.

Answer 7

Lovely poem!

"FRIENDS! How many of us have them...? FRIENDS!"

When i was reading it, i was reminded of how it feels to love my friends... Thnks for that ;)


Paz y amor
<3 <3 !!

Answer 8

Wow!! Excepecional, really great. I loved it!!!

Answer 9

a happiness i can never have...its beautiful

Answer 10

so beautiful! please keep writing poems!