whenever my husband and i have an arguement or even a slight tiff he,claims that he has been unhappy in the relationship and says he wants to leave,yet just before the tiff he keeps asking me if i love him.
2007-07-09 04:23:07 · 22 answers · asked by irene c 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Perhaps when he's asking if you love him....he's trying to find out whether maybe you don't, because that would make it so much easier for him to end all this.....somehow I get the feeling that he's not happy with you at all & would like to finish this relationship.....has he tried to leave you before & you've begged him to stay....maybe he finds it easier to live in a lie rather than facing the pain that facing the truth would bring.
Next time he asks if you love him....ask him if he loves you. you may be surprised at the answer he gives.
This may not be a game he's playing at all. it may be that he wants to leave but wants to leave the guilt behind too.....if you didn't love him you see......it would become so much easier on his part.
If you really care about him & his happiness, then find out exactly what he really feels & what's really wrong.
2007-07-09 11:39:25 · answer #1 · answered by Funky 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's playing the "I'm leaving" card. Its quite common with insecure people, both men and women. He thinks that your tiff is going to lead to a break up... cuz he doesn't feel secure... so he jumps on the "you're leaving me" statement to beat you to it. It sucks.
You need to teach him that you can have a tiff and NOT break up over it. Arguements happen in relationships.... they happen in friendships too... doesn't mean that its over, just that you have a disagreement and you will work through it.
You need to get him in a more secure mood. His asking if you love him is a sure sign that he is insecure. Assure him that he is loved by you.... and that you aren't going to leave him on some random whim.
Good luck
2007-07-09 04:35:42 · answer #2 · answered by Aron1968_30 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He only says that he wants to leave while there's a disagreement going on? Then it sounds like his way of ending the fight, and also getting you to beg him to stay. That sound pretty manipulative on his part. Insecure and immature as well. I would suggest maybe that you tell him exactly what it does to you each time he does it. Maybe ask for marriage counselling, *with your Pastor or someone he suggests if you attend church*
2007-07-09 04:32:11 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Sounds like he needs some help emotionally. He is lacking something in life that he isnt gettting...and I am not talking sex either. Maybe he can go to the YMCA and get on a basketball team or something else. He needs to be around a group of ppl he can talk to other then you...and I know your thinking all he needs is me but some ppl are different and need a couple of ppl to talk to other then just one person.
2007-07-09 04:29:57 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
He's either insecure in general, or unsure of your feelings for him. Have you discussed, with him, how you feel.......or rather how he makes you feel?
My husband use to do something similar, in the beginning of our marriage. After a spat he'd make comment that maybe we should get a divorce. I got tired of hearing it, and said, maybe we should. He has NOT said it since. And that was a good number of years ago.
2007-07-09 04:40:31 · answer #5 · answered by iyamacog 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Till him to F off back to Mummy...and see how long he lasts - be brutal... Seriously. whats making him feel so insecure or is he just a plain old attention seeker... is he jealous of you for some reason - or are you giving the kids all your time - and not making time for him... next time he starts a tiff....drag him to the bedroom - and drop to your knee's and give him a b.j.. ask him if this is what its all about...
2007-07-09 04:31:19 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
he asks you b4 the tiff if you love him so that he can reassure himself that when he says he is unhappy and wants to leave he knows you wont let him because you still love him...he sounds very childish.
2007-07-09 04:43:59 · answer #7 · answered by tee_girl 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
it sound like he would like you to end it so that it would make it all your flat but its not i have learned here lately its not your falt if he wont's out tell him to stop saying it or he can go ahead and leave it wont make know different to be alone or with someone that for the rest of our lives we are together I'm always going to remember the fight we got into that you said your going to leave he trying to hurt you as much as he can when you are fighting make him pick with would he rather have a life with you or with out you that your not putting up with the way he is acting
2007-07-09 04:37:59 · answer #8 · answered by sweetcup 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
My husband is deathly quiet. He hardly ever talks. When I talk to him, I feel like Im talking to a wall. 3 years of marriage, same old thing. We have a 2 year old son together. I have a 17 year old from my other marriage. My older son hates him. He is afraid of his calmness it freaks him out and he told me he'll snap one day. Here is my yahoo ID chat with me if you want...
dishchair
2007-07-09 04:26:59 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Insecure people tend to get into the "mind game" mode. This sounds like exactly what he's doing.
2007-07-09 04:32:47 · answer #10 · answered by Zaferus 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋