Is cheating ok if your sex life sucks?

Question

I know that the answer is no, but what can you do when you have tried almost everything? I'm a very sexual person and I could go 7 days having sex.

We've been married for 14 years and our sex life has been less satisfactory most of the time. I like to try new positions and do some different stuff, but I think I'm not going anywhere. I tried to seduce my wife most the of the time with little success until she turns me off. We have had moments when she starts it, but I don't reject her, even though that I feel frustrated for events on a previous night. I have told my wife to seek professional help, but she refuses to go.

I've had the chance to go out with other gals, but I always hit the breaks. I've been wondering if just finding another person to release my sexual frustatations will help me. I'm confused and tired. I tried it again last night and this morning, I failed.

Please help me with any thoughts

I forgot to mention that she started wearing sexier lingerie, like thongs and nicer clothes while she's at wok; maybe she's the one cheating on me and I haven't see that. How can you find that out?

Answer 1

NO! What kind of question is that? There is no exception as to when it's acceptable to cheat. Cheating is wrong - PERIOD!

I would suggest counseling, and SOON!

Answer 2

I know you're frustrated, but you're smart enough to know cheating is the wrong answer. I'm sure you know that will ruin your marriage and make getting any from your wife an absolute no. Has she recently given birth? Any small kids at home? Going through the change? Any of those things will temporarily kill a woman's sex drive. If none of those things apply, then I would suggest you both seek marriage counseling, not just her. There are drugs available to boost sex drive, has she tried that? Maybe she just needs to talk, if not with you or a counselor, than maybe her primary care doctor. There may be nothing wrong with her and she just has a lower libido than you. If that's the case, I'm all out of suggestions and you two might need to reach some kind of sex schedule compromise. Good luck and I hope this has helped.

Answer 3

Fortunately, you answered your own question - of course cheating isn't acceptable for any reason.

Now then, this after 14 years, it's been time for counseling for a long while now. And if she refuses to go - go without her. You may just find out that there are things that you do that really turn her (as well as other women) off. At the very least, you'll come to an understanding that sex does not equal love.

If, after counseling, you find that your lives no longer mesh, then at least you'll have tried and sought help for your differences and then you should go your separate ways.

Finally, remember this: If one person in a family changes - the others are forced to change. That said, if counseling helps you find ways to change (of course, for the better) then your wife will have to change too - maybe not in the way you would want or expect - but she'll change as well.

Answer 4

Cheating is never teh answer. 14 years is a long time to just throw away. You can work on anything in a marriage if you really wanted to. There's a reason for her not wanting sex from you. It may be her hormones, it may be that you don't satisfy her the way she wants to be. But, after 14 years you'd think that the sex would be better. Maybe you should focus more (pay more attention to her) in other ways-you know, touch her emotionally. That's what it is for us women. If we feel emotionally connected, then there's no problem in the sexual part of it. Do something different in this way instead of trying something different in sex. If you want somethings to change in your life you need to be willing to make a change in yourself and not expect someone to change when you're not.....

Answer 5

You should not cheat on your wife. If you are that unhappy then talk to her and explain to her that you just can't take it any more. Let her know you love her but your needs are making you consider cheating and that you don't want to hurt her anymore than what you already are by leaving. But don't think that cheating just to releave yourself will help.End the relationship if she won't get help and if you love her make a sacrifice to only 2-3 times a week. If you don't make your wife feel loved then she is likly to be distant with you.Take her back to when yall first met. Apparently it was good in the beginning. Make her feel like she did then. Surprise her more often. Sweep her off her feet. Make her the center of your world. And don't dwell on what has happened. Focus on what is going to happen when you show her how much you love her.

Answer 6

Unless you want to end up in divorce court I wouldn't recommend finding another person to release your frustrations. You may find that the issues in the bedroom are the symptom and not the actual issue. There is a reason your wife lacks interest and it's unfair to suggest that she alone seek professional help. You both should see someone who can help you get to the real problem. It sounds like there is an overall lack of open communication as well; you may want to start there. Good luck and don't cheat on your wife; that will only make matters worse and you risk losing her forever. Not to mention the diseases that you also risk bringing home. . .

Answer 7

I am sorry things aren't going right at home. I can see why you'd consider stepping out. Is this marriage over? Ask her. Ask her straigh up what the hell she sees as the problem. Tell her you want to make it work and have obviously not been doing it right, so how do you do it? What does she need? Don't defend, deny, or criticize. Express understanding, think over what she says, agree a lot and get out of there. When you agree with someone, it levels the field and changes the whole dynamic. So be sincere and really listen. Does she want to be in this marriage or not?

Typically in a marriage, we care about the other person's happiness and do things for each other to make each other happy and secure. Why that isn't happening is beyond me.

I don't know what is going on, but if you act like this issue is all about her "problem" you will sink yourself. Do not criticize, put her down, etc. Have you read anything about relationhip rescues? What can YOU do?

If the relationship really is shot then separate and get out. You guys have options: Continue as is, Continue better, or scrap it.

Cheating signs: Gone more often, "working late" more than usual, distance, less sex, less intimacy, criticism and put downs (to justify their actions and reduce guilt), etc. You can look up signs spouse is cheating and come up with a wealth of info.

If you are giving 100% to this relationship and it is still in the tank, then I think you have to ask yourself if it is worth living like this another 15 yrs. If not, then pack it up and part friends before you end up ripping each other to shreds.

Your sadness and lonliness came through strong in your question and is heart wrenching. You need to feel wanted and valued. Let her know you don't. If she cares she will step up to the plate. I don't know what to tell you. Cheating will snowball into a whole huge drama. If the marriage is broken beyond repair, then it is time to rescue yourself and get out.

Best to you.

Answer 8

If you can tell when she's lying or not, you can find out by just asking. Start of by asking why she doesn't seem interested anymore? Is it me? Have you found someone else? Something along those lines. Be honest with how you feel. It's not uncommon for a couple to have one that has a high sex drive and the other a not so high one. That may be your only problem but you'll never know if you don't ask.

Answer 9

Well, depending on how old your wife is, she may be going through a time in her life where her sexual urges or desires are sub-par. MY advice would be to have her meet with a professional about it. There are herbal suplements that will increase her libido, but that is a whole other situation. Womens sex drive also has a lot to do with their emotional stability as well as feeling of well being and satisfaction with life. If you arent giving her what she needs emotionally, dont expect her to satisfy you sexually.

As far as looking elsewhere for sexual needs, that is an option as long as she is ok with it. Swinging isnt personally something I am into, but many people seem to enjoy it. Whatever you do, dont go behind her back and sleep with someone else.

Sex drive, or lack thereof, has been linked to chemical imbalances in many studies. If she is battling depression for instance, she will more than likely not be sexually driven. This was the problem for a partner of mine. Once she got the help she needed mentally, her sex drive was back.

Answer 10

Maybe you shouldn't pressure her so much. Maybe she is going through something right now that is causing a low libido and you are making it worse. The more you try, the more she will feel like it is a chore, and chores are the most hated thing in a marriage.

It is not okay to cheat, ever. If you feel that you need to cheat, then you shouldn't be married at all. It would kill both of you, whereas divorcing would only hurt a little. Think about cheating LONG and HARD before you do it. There's no turning back once you do.

Answer 11

"I have told my wife to seek professional help, but she refuses to go." Oh you have, have you? Good for you, you poor thing!

This is NOT just her problem unless she is married to someone other than you. This is a problem in your (the collective you and she) marriage. If you ain't gettin' it and she ain't given' it you both lose. Have you considered you may be a selfish lover? Had my ex just once cuddled me, nuzzled the back of my neck, told me he loved me and intercourse was not the ultimate goal I might still be married to him.

When was the last time you came up behind your wife while she was doing the dishes, hugged her, kissed the back of her neck, told her you are the luckiest man on earth and not insist a roll in the hay be the inevitable conclusion?

Are you a Barco_lounger or do you equally share the house work? If you both have full time jobs outside the home you need to split your home chores 50/50. Does she fix supper every night ALONE in the kitchen or do you at the least sit in the kitchen and converse and provide moral support or best yet read aloud from the newspaper the stories, ads, columnists you think she might find interesting? Vacuumed the floor in every room of the house without stopping (we trust you with this chore...it's as close as you can get to mowing a lawn). Put the load of clothes in the washer into the dryer and load another one to wash? Have you asked her to make you a honey do list of those little things that you fix so well. Have you booked a surprise get away week-end for the two of you?

Remember this, an animal like semi-quickie fumping huck is measured in minutes while making love takes all day. Make that appointment to seek the help you both need and immediately ask your wife nicely if she would come with you to the marriage counselor appointment you made for you both...toss in a sit down meal to sweeten the pot. If she says "no" ask her again nicely the morning of the appointment and again thirty minutes before you need to leave to get there. If the answer is still "no"...go alone. Repeat this again for the next appointment and the next. Your continued efforts to fix what is broken in your marriage shows your selfish "her problem" was wrong. You should tell her you are sorry you put it all on her. Words hurt and usually take longer to heal than a bruise!

If she never goes with you the sessions will allow you to sort through your feelings and form an exit plan that does not include the trauma of "the other woman." End it because your marriage has gone as far as it can go not because you want to lie and cheat to escape to another woman. Your choice to bring your problem here is far superior to airing it to a seemingly sympathetic ear that in real life wants your wife to go out of the picture.

There is nothing sexier than a man with a complete life suit of INTEGRITY.