If your husband recevied an email from a woman he dated 10 years ago (and she knew he was married) would you email her what's she wanting? If you would, what would you say?
2007-07-09 03:10:21 · 22 answers · asked by thelilred_whocould 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I might, but it wouldn't be my first reaction.
In reality, what matters here is not that she emailed him. What was his response? If he did the "Hey, it's good to hear from you! What's going on?", yeah, I'd have a problem, but I'd talk to HIM first. It could be that he's a dufus and didn't realize you'd be bothered by it.
If he didn't respond, or he responded coolly, more than anything I would pity her. How sad to try to reconnect to a part of her past who has moved on and is not interested in reestablishing contact. In that case, I would trust my husband to do the right thing. I wouldn't want her to feel like a total fool, and I would first try to allow her to be told "no" firmly, but not risk the additional embarrassment and hostile confrontation of a ticked-off wife.
In any scenario, even though she made the first move, the truly important thing is what his response is. If he responded favorably, your issue is not that SHE emailed HIM, it's that HE didn't respond the way a married man should. If he responded negatively, the issue isn't that SHE tried to tempt him, it's that HE resisted.
If he's got a friendly back-and-forth with her going, you need to tell HIM how you feel and deal with the issue that way. You cannot confront every woman in his life who may or may not represent a risk to your marriage. If the bond of marriage is bent or broken because he cheated or otherwise didn't act as a married man should, ultimately, that's more his fault than the other woman's. The responsibility falls on HIM to do what he should.
If you talk to him, and if he continues to converse with her, eventually I might email her, but that doesn't change the fact that your real problem is with your husband, not her. If I sent her an email, I would try to remain cordial (getting smart-mouthed will probably not effect her and make her consider what I say) and ask that she respect you and your marriage, and ask that she stop corrosponding with your husband, as it is causing friction between the two of you.
2007-07-09 05:00:38 · answer #1 · answered by CrazyChick 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
What did her email say? I want to rekindle? Or I heard a song that made me think of the good times and wanted to know how you were doing? I know you are married and just wanted to say hello?
There are always people in our lives that we think about fondly that doesn't mean we want to sleep with them again. Don't be the jealous freakout type, or your husband will do more than email her.
2007-07-09 03:20:04 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
My wife and I shared the same laugh when a card came in the mail from an old flame. Truth is, if your relationship is solid it creates humor, and all the memories, you could have predicted this behavior from someone. If your relationship is not on solid grounds, it may be a bad distraction from an already unhappy home.
2007-07-09 03:42:26 · answer #3 · answered by Hilary P 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't jump to conclusions.
She might just want to say hello and find out how he is doing. It could be something very innocent. It's normal for people to think about others from their past - even if both people have moved on.
How did you find out about it? If he told you about her contacting him, I'd say you have nothing to worry about...and no, I wouldn't email her. You need to let him handle it.Be the adult here. If you snooped and found the email, you need to relax and stop being paranoid and jealous. It gets you nowhere.
Keep honesty important...be straight up with him.
2007-07-09 03:26:54 · answer #4 · answered by Hope 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
~~*~~ I would stay away from any form of contact with her myself. If it bothers you, then say something to your husband about it. If you trust him, then it shouldn't turn into an issue. Just let him know that it's bothering you. It's not her you have to trust, it's him! If he's not interested in having anything to do with her, he'll gladly leave her be. He doesn't even have to respond to her emails. Should she still pursue him in emails, then he should be the one to let her know that it doesn't seem appropriate to have communication with her when he is happily married! Just don't push the issue. He just needs to know that it does bother you. That should be enough!
2007-07-09 03:23:01 · answer #5 · answered by ionwheels03 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would send her an email saying that I don't appreciate her sending emails to my husband and I WOULD invite her over for dinner so I could watch my husband and her react to each other. Plus this gives me away to meet her and see if there is any reason to be worried or any reason not to trust my husband. It also gives me a chance to see her and hear her voice incase of any thing that might happen in the future.
2007-07-09 03:18:09 · answer #6 · answered by Christina G 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋
First, I would never know if my husband received an email because I trust him, and if I didn't, I would work on it with him, rather than invading his privacy. Misunderstandings crop up all the time because of suspicions that aren't necessarily based on anything solid. IF suspicion is based on previous behaviour, then trust needs to be built with one's spouse, rather than living with such depressing thoughts.
2007-07-09 03:15:34 · answer #7 · answered by lili4ndevil 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
No I would have him email her and see what her intentions are first and then if it is not just a friendly hello how are you doing then I would step in. You don't want to seem jealous right off. Good Luck!!!
2007-07-09 03:14:25 · answer #8 · answered by KH 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No I wouldn't. I have more trust in my relationships than that. Besides it makes you look like a phsycho or a child. If I couldn't trust my other to have a healthy relationship with his old flames then I better examine our current relationship.
2007-07-09 03:21:44 · answer #9 · answered by gypsy g 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
odds are she is out a long time relationship and the first person on her lonely mind is her ex, your husband. I would let you husband deal with it, if you interfere you might look you dont trust him. What did your husband do with the mail?
2007-07-09 03:13:58 · answer #10 · answered by Katana1971 3 · 4⤊ 0⤋