If the man in question was only 17 yrs old when he was put in jail would you have trust issues with him?Okay my daughters real father and i were together for 3 yrs sometimes on/off and even got engaged.We broke up when i found out he had omitted the fact that he had been in prison(one of his family members let it slip)and he got defensive would not tell me why.Anyway now that i am getting a divorce and he is going to meet our 5 yr old daughter for the first time(though they have communicated over the years)he finally told me why he was put in prison.He was put in prison for assult charges,stealing he was accused of robbing a number of places with a group of people but claims it was only 3 times in which he helped,and poccession of drugs he claims to not have been an actual dealer though.He was released from prison after his 22 b-day and went live and work for his uncle in Ukrane.He now handles banking/investments and is 34 yrs old.
2007-07-09 02:23:18 · 24 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He is orginally from St.Petersburg in Russia not a U.S citizen and has no intrest in becoming one.That i know of he is a honest guy aside from this.
2007-07-09 02:28:45 · update #1
Seems like he is making excuses instead of taking responsibility. Can you really trust someone who won't own up to what they have done.
2007-07-09 02:27:06 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
I have a bit of knowledge on this matter. I am married to a Russian who lives in America now. He is not a citizen yet. He was once arrested for underage drinking in Belarus.
Why would a guy tell you bad stuff about his past? Yes, it is the best policy but if he was really over it...and it was that many years ago...he is just moving beyond it.
You have been together for three years. Yes, lying to you or technically omitting this fact is huge (!) but you may want to judge him on current activities.
Talk with the guy....see if the defensiveness is gone. No one is perfect and frankly I don't trust people that much if I have a reason not too. But.....measure the guy on real actions in his adult life...not a prison life in the past.
That being said, if he has any history since then...then perhaps the seed of rottenness is rooted.
Forgive but do so with careful consideration. Do not marry for some time, measure the man but by sum of his actions.
2007-07-09 09:39:07 · answer #2 · answered by kishoti 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
People can change, the fact that he eventually became honest about it means alot.
People who go to prison aren't always bad people...they just did something bad.
My first X went to prison for grand theft, theft by receiving, among other charges.
My second X never went to prison for anything.
But let me tell you my first X was a far better person, he'd never lift a hand to hurt a woman, or speak abusive words out of hate. And just an all around funny sweet guy. My second X was a mean, judgmental, abusive being; who as far as I'm concerned doesn't deserve half the good things he's received because, eventually, he'll destroy them some how some way.
2007-07-09 09:33:04 · answer #3 · answered by gypsy g 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He was probably defensive because it happened when he was so young and he just wants it to go away and not be a part of his life. It sounds like he's moved past this rocky childhood and is trying to rebuild his life. I have a good friend who went to prison when he was 17 for stealing a car or something, not really sure to be honest because it isn't important to me when we met. Anyway, when he got out he went back to school and got not one but two masters degrees and his PhD! We met while he was in school. He is now teaching at one of the top Universities in the country as well as consulting for a major engineering company. I said all that to say, it all boils down to character. Do you think he's learned his lesson? Sounds like he has and is doing very well for himself. Give him a chance. Don't judge him based on one stupid mistake.
2007-07-09 09:34:31 · answer #4 · answered by Storm 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The fact that he is an ex-con doesn't make him any more or less trustworthy than anyone else out on the street. I would be leary of anyone who I would bring into my daughters life. If he is a changed person from who he was when he was younger, then give him some credit for improving himself. However, if he hasn't, then, don't trust him. Most people who are in prison for minor charges are not bad people, just made bad choices. Its not like he was in for murder, rape, or crimes involving children. I wouldn't believe a lot of the things that came out his mouth, though, only because he likes to hide things.
2007-07-09 09:34:29 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Some people learn from their mistakes, and sounds like he may have. We all have made mistakes when we were young, some worse than others. Let him prove to you that he's changed but keep your ears and eyes open to anything that could tell you otherwise, for the sake of your daughter. It's a tricky situation, but if he has changed, it may be good for your daughter to have her dad in her life. Good luck!!!
2007-07-09 09:32:34 · answer #6 · answered by Needtoknow 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
listen.........people can change...........everybody deserves a second, third chance in life......it is hard to give advice because I don't know if you really love him or it is because of your children. Do you feel in your heart taking him back? Have you been talking to him? PEOPLE CAN CHANGE, believe me.........MIRACLES DO HAPPEN.........pray and ask God to show you what to do. It is a very difficult situation. Even though they can change, I know you will always have your guards up and it will be hard to trust. It is like a man who cheats...........you will have lots of forgiveness in your heart and trust the Lord to be able to take him back. But again.........miracles do happen and don't be too hard on him. When it comes to drugs it is something dangerous and they may never leave the drugs. But again........only time can tell. I am afraid I did not help you that much. But at least, I hope my words will make you consider and not act out of impulse or judgements.............God bless and good luck:-)
2007-07-09 09:28:49 · answer #7 · answered by Butterfly 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
wow, that's interesting. i'm surprised he landed his current job, after what he was put in jail for. anyway, it sounds like he's a changed man. but, because i've never met the guy, it's hard for me to know or tell if that's the case. really, it's a decision you've gotta make on your own and for the sake of your daughter. follow your gut. just know that if you do stay with him, you have to be ready and willing to accept his past.
2007-07-09 09:29:37 · answer #8 · answered by loves21 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unless you're planning to get back with him, I don't see what the big deal is. Even so, he went to jail and paid for his crimes. If he's been clean for 12 years what's the problem? He understood he made a mistake and did what he had to do to for forgiveness.
2007-07-09 10:35:10 · answer #9 · answered by King H 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just because someone went to prison doesn't make them any less trust worthy. Look at yourself. I'm sure there are some things that you could have went to jail for doing in your life. Everyone deserves a second chance.
2007-07-09 09:26:33 · answer #10 · answered by MuddButt 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Give the poor bloke a break he was only young and young people are always making mistakes. If his proved his changed then he deserves to be treated fairly As everyone makes mistakes its how we learn from them that counts.
2007-07-09 09:31:56 · answer #11 · answered by Mandy 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋