Need help with my soon to be Ex !?

Question

I am going through a divorce and my soon to be Ex husband is making my life a living h*ll. He has been living with another woman for months now and he is always calling me and driving by my house checking up on me. I have never once called him up on rumors that I hear or things that he has done since our split. Everytime he hears anything about me he is calling and chewing me out. He says nasty things to try and hurt my feelings, and it works, and uses our children against me. The other day I let a friend crash on my couch because he had been drinking. I ran into him and told him he could stop by and sober up a bit. He passed out and I let him stay on the couch. My ex showed up and saw him there and now he is pissed. He is spreading all these nasty rumors and making me look like an awful person. All I was trying to do is help. My friends keep telling me to keep my chin up but it is getting pretty hard to. What should I do???? Is there any help out there for me.

Answer 1

I can't tell you what to do ...You know in your heart what happened and you know the person inside ... the one U call your soon to be EX..... I know this ... Life is too short to be w/ someone who is Not your best friend.....or someone that tries to destroy you....or someone who does not mean they r sorry when they say it .....or someone who keeps repeating the same mistakes over and over..... Somewhere along the line rumors will catch up to the truth if they haven't already but U can't always believe everything you hear either.... Believe in what you see...and what you feel.... A spouse is the person in your life that you SHOULD NEVER have to worry about trusting.... NEVER.... And when you cannot trust them .... you have lost the very thing that made them special to begin with...{sometimes the decisions you need to makew/ a spouse are not the same as you would make w/ another person}.. Good luck in making a decision into whatever YOU want to do....

Answer 2

I am sorry you are going through this I went through the same. First of all get a restraining order to prevent him from harassing you or coming to your house when it is not for pick-up times with the kids. Also be VERY careful about what you do, even if it was to help he will twist it to make it bad. Don't talk to him unless it is related to the kids and don't let him come in your house. If he is picking up kids make him wait outside. He will still make up things about you, but try not to let it bother you. I know this is easier said than done. Also document every time he harasses you even better if you can tape record him. He doesn't have to know he is being recorded if it is a conversation between you two. Then you have proof. Just keep you head up and do what is best for your kids. He won't stop until he is over you. Good Luck believe me I have been there.

Answer 3

Well, keep your chin up and swell with pride because when you have someone in your life like that, its all you got and its the main thing they want to take from you. Tell him off, tell him its none of his business. And the driving by your house and calling you is abuse and you should be able to get a restraining order. As for the making you look like the awful person, that isn't true, from the outside, folks will often see the actual truth more than you think, though they'll never say so, because they don't want to get involved. But until the divorce is final...keep your nose clean, don't do anything at all that may be misread by anyone, including the courts. And document everything, recordings, video, etc that he does to you...but you have to let him know that you are doing so. And Please, please tell him with conviction that his opinions & judgements upon you mean nothing to you anymore so he should just keep them to himself.

Answer 4

Well I would not answer the phone when he calls!! He is the one making your life hard! Does he need to call you and you speak with him? When he calls you, you need to stick to just the basics! For example is he calling about the kids?, if so stick to just that and do not give out any other information! Try your best to just not answer the phone when he calls!! The rumors are just that!! Don't give into them!! Your just hurting yourself!! The people that know you and your friends will know as well what the truth really is! Let him make a butt of himself!! When kids are involved it's best as well not to say things in front of them or to them that could be harmful to you later on as well! I know I'm going through a rough divorce as well. I do not speak to my kids about there farther and what he is doing or not doing in his life at the present time. It's best that the kids not know some of the things that are going on while your divorce is in progress!! Those things are for the adults to deal with!! Get your divorce done and be Strong!

Good luck:)

Answer 5

Hurry up and get a divorce, sounds like he is very immature. There is not a whole lot that you can do because of the kids, but it sounds like you need to get full custody of them. Maybe you can record stuff that he says to you and record what your kids say that he has told them. I know it sounds stupid but this could help you in court with the divorce. But if I were you I would get away from him. Also dont let him in the house, get the locks changed. And if he calls dont talk to him, just let the kids talk to him. Good luck and you should keep your chin up you are the better person and people will see that, stay strong for the kids and dont let him ruin your life.

Answer 6

Yes there is-- ignore him! I think he's just doing this for mean, petty reasons just to hurt you and mess you up. Is there any way you can block his number so he can't reach you? This all just seems like a cry out for your attention. Once you just carry on with your life without a second glance at what he's doing/saying, and if he wants to move on with the other woman, he'll back off. I wonder what the other woman thinks about all these things that he's doing to you-- does it even cross her mind that he could turn around and do the same thing to her? Pay NO attention to this loser. If it gets out of hand, threaten to call the cops or get a couple of your burly guy friends to hang around your place the next time he drops by. Focus on YOUR life-- you don't need to waste any more time on this sleazeball.

Answer 7

he is pissed off cause the marriage didn't work. He is probably living with another woman to fill the void of what it was like when youre marriage WAS "ok". He wants to punish you for the marriage not working by using his anger as a weapon against you. I do not know if you would want to resort to this but you might want to get arestraining order or at least let him know you might do that if he doesn't stop driving by and spying and calling at unecessary times...

Answer 8

If things don't get better, I would think about getting a restraining order. Mental abuse, is also abuse... and him stopping by or calling you just to check up on you can be considered harassment, if he is only doing it to hope to find something to use against you. Ask him to stop calling unless it has to do with the kids, and no more stopping unless he has called to make arrangements to see the children. If he can't respect those simple wishes, take him to court!

Answer 9

I would refuse to have ANY conversation with him that doesn't involve the children. If he called me I would hang up the phone as soon as he started talking about this crap. When he called me back I would tell him I will not conversate about ANYTHING other than the kids. End of story. Don't argue don't feel bad. Take control over yourself and your life.

Answer 10

You need to set some firm boundaries with your ex. Why are you allowing him to upset you so much? He's moved on and is with another woman. Re-claim your life for yourself, it is no longer any of his business at all. Do your best to parent with him, but make sure he knows anything else is not accepted any longer. Let him say whatever he wants to about you - trust me, people can see straight through him. I went through the same with my ex, that was years ago. It was hard, but you can make it much easier by stepping away from it and refusing to be involved in it any longer - move on with your own life.