My boyfriend and I just broke up after 3 years together. About a year ago, I found out that he had been having a long-term emotional affair. Since then, we have tried to make it work, but it just never seems to be able to get back to the way things used to be. I have become bitter and suspicious and we now both realize this isn't going to work out. He is actually the one who took the step to end things. I'm upset, but I understand. Now, though, he has become so angry. He doesn't want to speak to me at all. He is even going to quit the bowling team we are on together and stop going to the church we go to so that he doesn't have to spend time around me. We are not young, he's 38, I'm 29, we have kids from previous marriages who have all grown to love each other. Can someone explain to me why he is so angry at me when I was the victim in this?
2007-07-09 02:10:19 · 23 answers · asked by Mel 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He is likely feeling extreme guilt, and he's bitter because you were not able to put the affair completely behind you....and that is understandable. Often, we as women can forgive, but not forget. He's probably hurt too, as it seems the two of you have been pretty serious over the past three years. The pain is just manifesting itself differently.
2007-07-09 02:18:21 · answer #1 · answered by Rachel-Pit Police-DSMG 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well if you acted bitter and suspicious of him when you were trying to work things out, you are not the only victim. He may had decided that your attitude toward the relationship was damaging to him and/or his children.
Bottom line, he doesn't want to be friends, and you cant force someone to be friends with you who does not want to be friends. This would be a good time to teach your children this lesson as well.
Yes, you were a victim, but very rarely is there a soul victim when a relationship ends. No matter the circumstances, both people typically get hurt.
2007-07-09 09:18:09 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He knows he screwed up a good thing and can't get it back!!!!! Being around you only reminds him of what he had and the way things could have been. I don't understand why men think they can have an affair and when it doesn't work, expect things to go back to the way things were. Don't sweat it, it's his problem. Let the kids be together when possible cause they shouldn't be punished for something they didn't do! Good Luck!!
2007-07-09 09:25:24 · answer #3 · answered by Needtoknow 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think that maybe he wanted things to work out but saw that things were not working out by the way you have acted toward him.. (which you have every right to feel the way you do). So he is acting angery because he can't fix things and doesn't have the patients to wait for you to gain trust for him again. Now if it were me, I would just at least try to keep in touch with his kids for your kids (if he will agree to it) but don't feel like you have to be with him. Once the trust is gone, there is no relationship. Find yourself a good man (after time of healing) don't let your past relationship ruin things between you and the new guy.
2007-07-09 09:23:56 · answer #4 · answered by toothfairy.2006 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's angry because he has been busted. He knows he is a liar and a cheat and is certain you are going to tell everyone. He wants to save the face that is attached to a perfectly good skin suit that has self inflicted the stripping of it's integrity.
Don't do what he expects. When someone rudely over inquires for the reason you broke up give the generic "We grew to find we wanted different things in life. I wish him well." This will make his trail tuck and run look exactly as it is...stupid is as stupid does.
2007-07-09 09:26:35 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He loves you and may have not found success with other relationships since the two of you split. Also, guys sometimes breakup because the girl doesn't care anymore but doesn't have the nerve to end things - just like girls do.
I have to admit though, if you don't have kids together AND you both ALREADY have kids, I don't see the major catatrophe of this relationship in the scope of your entire life.
He may also be in a state of displacing his guilt over his part in the relationship ending.
2007-07-09 09:16:15 · answer #6 · answered by jck_kerouac 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Because he is guilty and ashamed of himself and it is easier to run away than to face it. Let him go. He was the one who had this emotional "affair" . If he really wanted the two of you to work out - he would be fighting for it instead of running away. Don't sell yourself short - because of what he did to you, it won't ever be the same. You will always be worried about what he is doing or if he will do it again. You deserve someone who will treat you the right way.
2007-07-09 09:58:10 · answer #7 · answered by Babycat 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why don't you ask the man why he's angry? You both go to church and you're "not young," yet you act like children. If you were going to work things out, yet you were bitter and suspicious; you weren't trying to work things out. Wake up.
2007-07-09 09:30:45 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, I am sorry that you and your boyfriend broke up after three years, it is not easy, before I got married, I was going with this guy for four years, and it was hard! Big hug coming your way!!!
Honey, it is for the best, you are still young and he is older than you he just wants to move on with his life and maby find someone more his age, it has nothing to do with you, he is just older and wants to move on and so should you.
I really feel sorry for the kids in this matter, they do end up suffering more than the grownups.
When my parents got divorced when I was younger, my father dated so many women and I got attached to them and he actually got engaged to one, and a week before the wedding, they broke up and my sister really got along with her son and it my sister really hard! Me, well, I just wanted to live with my mother and not my father! So, I was glad that my dad did not get married, and we did not move farther away from my mom.
Just the will of God!!! Thank you Lord!!!
As far as you and your children, talk to them, spend time with them and realize things happen for a reason and look at this as a fresh start to your life!!!! Do not let your children see you are upset, instead, use this time to spend time with your children and get out and meet people, and go out with friends, and keep yourself and your kids so busy it will keep their mind off of this situation.
In time, honey, things will work out, keep your distance from him also, and give everyone time to heal.
Including yourself!!!!!
2007-07-09 09:20:50 · answer #9 · answered by carriegreen13 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Since when has emotions become an affair? Exactly what is an emotional affair? Sounds like a load of sh!t to me...he shared his feelings with another woman, but didn't boink her? Sounds like a friendship, not an affair.
And just an FYI, he may be acting angry as a way to get away from you.
2007-07-09 09:18:06 · answer #10 · answered by gypsy g 7 · 0⤊ 3⤋