Is this healthy jealousy?

Question

I knew a guy, Mark, since I was 13 years old, platonically. Fast forward 20 years later, I am married and Mike just happens to go to the same pool that my husband and I go to. I introduced them to each other, but Mark seemed a little reserved about talking to my husband. Now when Mark sees me in the pool, he comes up to me (whether husband is there or not) to chat....about anything...restaurants, pool water temperature, kids, etc. I see it as very harmless, but my husband says that Mark has disrespected him and that I wouldn't understand because I am a woman. I asked for specific examples (b/c I just don't see the disrespect). He said Mark should've made eye contact w/ him and acknowledged his presence. I explained that Mark doesn't know him and I know Mark can be aloof at times. My husband asked me to cut all ties with this guy. Is this healthy jealousy??? I want to be fair!!! This guy means nothing to me, but that's not the point.....

Answer 1

A man who walks up to you and your husband and only acknowledges you is certainly disrespecting your husband. Turn the tables and think how you would feel if a woman did this in front of you. Your friend is rude. Your husband is right.

Answer 2

Well this is something that the both of you have to talk through, taking into account both sides.

You should hear him out, then once he is done, clearly state why or why not you agree/disagree with him.

If you do cut ties with him, I don't think it should be due to his "lack of eye contact"...Most people I have come across have trouble with keeping eye contact, especially if they are not familiar with the person, or under certain circumstances.

Your husband could possibly be very insecure, especially towards Mark, someone he might see as a threat...truthfully, it may not even have anything to do with you!

The question here i don't think is whether or not its healthy jealousy, rather what you think should be done.

Your last sentence was really important, you made it clear that "he means nothing to you"...that is EVERY bit the point, because made to choose, I think you know what the obvious choice would be.

One important thing that you should talk about however, is whether or not your husband do the same for you, in the same, or a similar situation. Even though this should not have a negative effect on your decision, it is something that needs to be brought up.

Its a thin line...but in the end, wouldn't you rather avoid extra discussions/arguments/fights about things that you yourself feel don't matter, and instead taking into consideration your husband's feelings? Just make it clear why you decide to end ties with Mark if you do...Its out of respect and being considerate to his feelings, not out of obedience or lack of a backbone. Once you know this for yourself, the answer will be clear to you.

Answer 3

Your husband seems to be jealous over a guy he knows nothing about coming and talking to you and not even looking at your husband. I can understand your husband's concern if he never acknowledges your husband. You wouldn't like it if some hot chick did the same to your husband without acknowledging you, no matter how long they have known each other.

Apparently your husband is insecure. Perhaps because Mark's wife/gf isn't around? Have you tried inviting Mark over to your place with his wife/gf for dinner? Try to compromise -- let your husband know you aren't going to just cut all ties with a guy you have known for 20 years because he doesn't know him well but you will help him get to know your friend.

My husband has friends who are female. I may not see them all the time that he sees them, but if I am around they usually wave and say hi to me too. It is a common courtesy especially if your husband is right next to you. Your husband may be reading too much into the lack of eye contact, but you may be reading too little into it.

If your husband isn't willing to compromise, then there are some issues. But if he will see what you can do to resolve the issue. Make sure that Mark understands that your husband is a part of you and and important part too.

Answer 4

Your husband has his back fur up. He's feeling threatened. Mark should know that your husband isn't comfortable with his open friendliness. What Mark does about it is up to Mark, or you, depending on whether or not you say anything to him. It is an unwritten rule that you always acknowledge the husband of any woman that you are chatting up as a show of respect. To do otherwise would give the impression that you are there to take the woman for yourself. Mark is giving the impression that he doesn't care if your husband is watching, he's moving in anyway.

Answer 5

While i think your husband was a j**k to you about the situation and was asking you to stop talking with mark . I also think that your husband is right to a certain degree, usually when a man starts talking to a women who is married and ignores the husband it means that he is interested in her (more than friends). He is clearly saying that he likes you and plans on trying to get with you but your husband should respect you and trust you that being said it goes both ways , respect your husbands opinion too but assure him that he is your one and only, let him know that you'll still talk to mark but if mark gets out of line tell your husband you'll let him know and he can be your knight and shining Armour.

Answer 6

I had been like that to my wife. I realized after many years later that I've misunderstood many things and was jealous for no reason at all. You need to understand that your husband is being insecured because of how he understands things to be. So it's up to you how to settle that insecurity.

My wife continued to reassure me then and later when I got to know the guy more and of course I got to know my wife more, I settled down from my jealousy.

What I learned, too is that it can be the other way around with my wife getting jealous. And it was my time to do the reassuring.

So it was healthy jealousy for us coz we grew well together. Is his a healthy jealousy? That depends on the outcome.

Answer 7

I think your husband love you so much that he gets jealouse easily but in my opinion man doesn't like when you meet with your old friends especially if you were too close b4 and he might be thinking that you used to have some kind of relationship with mark b4 and you are hidding it don't knwo it is just an assumtion or he loves you soooooo much that he doesnt' want u talking to other ppl

Answer 8

Honestly, if Mark means nothing to you...why put up the fight. Maybe your husband senses something you don't. And really Mark should at least speak to your husband even if it is just to say "hello". If he doesn't, it is rather rude.

Answer 9

No. It's overprotective jealousy. You shouldn't be told who you can and can't talk to/hang out with.

Answer 10

if he wont talk to your husband and talks to you-its not a good sign-go with your husbands instinct-and when it happens the other way around about a female-let him know I honored you in that one honor me in this one. I would both remove yourselfs from hanging with either of them. and find other couples that will respect you both.

and for him this is what may be needed too-Mark=the way to honor is in true friendship that leads to Marriage. Relationship with another is a gift from God, if you truely love someone you commit to them. Marriage is to put it into writing telling the whole world that you are legally together in honor-lots of guys will say they love someone and live in with them yet as someone said to me =

Best Answer - Chosen By Voters

I agree with "Makemeaspark" about guys that say they love and commit but wont marry, "The heart is decietful." Jeremiah, but it is not just the hurting ones that fall for believing a guy when he says he loves you, and lets be together. Sometimes you believe because you believe (in innocence) that truth and lies are obvious. And in your arrogance (or youth) you think you can tell the difference. You trust and are deceived, and there are those who are loyal even after the deception is revealed, out of duty, out of fear, out of a misguided loyalty...wow it still hurts. Sometimes they stay because they feel stupid and worthless and have no where else to turn. They feel like they deserve the punishment of being unloved, because they were untrue to their own moral compass, and unfaithfull to God. So they stay untill they are discarded. 3 Votes 43%

this helped me as raised a Jew to see the deaper truths to believe too=Christian means a follower of the Messiah-who came as a Jew- the believer in Jesus-has power over the mind to control their thoughts, thus when Jesus says to forgive and let Me handle it, or about lust is adultry against God, or hate is murder in the heart, we have the calling to cast down all imaginations that exault themselves against God which brings true peace and joy to our heart in all situations (Philippians 4:4-20).
My Jewish people believe in the comming of a Messiah, and his fulfillment is in Jesus. The laws of Judaism were given specifically to the Jewish people to be kept and to guide them to the promised Messiah.
Isaiah 9:6 the child to be the Son given, the mighty God and the prince of peace..
Isaiah 52:13-53:12 To be the exalted one. To first be marred more than any man, and to lay down his life to make atonement for our sins.

The way I came to know him is by believing what he spoke to us from heaven (Revelation1:1 chapter 1 verse 1 & 3:19&20 "I love you and ask you to repent of your sins (even one lie) quickly. Behold I stand at your heart door and knock If you hear my word and open the door, I will come in and be your friend."
so I prayed "Jesus I am sorry for my sins, come into my heart and help me, be my friend, amen."
Its all good and now as a Jew who has come to know Jesus is my Messiah, savior, and best friend giving me joy beyond words and power to live right. And someone said this for me telling them this too
Praying the best for you in every way, David