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This man is a good, loving person but, frequently goes into what I call his 'moon cycle' and then he starts missing his ex who were one common u know what. When I confront him, he's sorry about being horrible to me and does not want to lose me but I am getting tired of these moods. I love him to distraction and we have a brilliant home together but he has to change this one thing. Being loving, caring, etc etc does'nt help and fighting about it does'nt either! What can I try next because just getting up and go is quite impossible in this situation. I'll lose too much and living where I do, transport is a problem and almost impossible to get away even if I wanted to. Help I don't know what to do anymore.

2007-07-08 21:57:40 · 8 answers · asked by cozaar 1 in Family & Relationships Marriage & Divorce

He is also insecure, scared of being on his own, very sure of what he has in me ie. patience, looking out for him, (giving more than the 50% minimum requirements etc.) What I should've mentioned is that this happens mostly when he starts sulking ie. he thinks he does'nt get enough attention from me. And I have my own life. We live where he works and he works hard and long hours without getting paid what he should get. I have the house, kids, my own design setup, make my own money legally, look after everyone and love them equally. 'Moonman' comes in, eats, has a bath, gets into bed and pushes off in the morning. I don't only feel neglected, I am! Actually the question should've been different. And guess what, she was bad for him and he admits to it. I don't bring the subject up at all, treats his son like my own as well. Should'nt he just try harder without being told anything? He's no baby anymore and if I wanted one, heck, even that would be a prob- no time b cos he's absent

2007-07-08 22:52:00 · update #1

He is also insecure, scared of being on his own, very sure of what he has in me ie. patience, looking out for him, (giving more than the 50% minimum requirements etc.) What I should've mentioned is that this happens mostly when he starts sulking ie. he thinks he does'nt get enough attention from me. And I have my own life. We live where he works and he works hard and long hours without getting paid what he should get. I have the house, kids, my own design setup, make my own money legally, look after everyone and love them equally. 'Moonman' comes in, eats, has a bath, gets into bed and pushes off in the morning. I don't only feel neglected, I am! Actually the question should've been different. And guess what, she was bad for him and he admits to it. I don't bring the subject up at all, treats his son like my own as well. Should'nt he just try harder without being told anything? He's no baby anymore and if I wanted one, heck, even that would be a prob- no time b cos he's absent

2007-07-08 22:54:31 · update #2

8 answers

You seem to love someone that is not really emotionally available. I do or did too. I think that I'm stuck as well for other reasons. These people that form relationships just for a better life for themselves are like parasites. They get some dummy, set them up, and then what? We find out what they are like eventually and are stuck, unless we make a huge effort and leave them, and the financial cost is so high we may never recover from it.

2007-07-09 09:36:45 · answer #1 · answered by sheila 3 · 0 0

No matter how busy your lives are with jobs and family you have to take time for one another as a couple. The two of you are the life line that keeps your family whole and giving stability to the love in your relationship. Without that special time and bonding emotions and feelings wander and everything around your life becomes unstable. Personal needs have to be tended to ......all couples require a change from doing the same things all of the time so they don't get into a rut and get bored in life with each other. The moon cycle that your husband is going through could be that he wants more excitement in exploring the world with you and wanting the excitement of the two of you being lovers and more intimacy with you. When he goes through this cycle he reminisces about the good feelings of a past relationship and doesn't want to remember the bad. I don't think it is the person that he is missing from long ago ...it's the feelings about a relationship that he wants to feel with you! He states that he feels horrible and does not want to lose you and he probably really means it but...........he wants quality time with you where things are about you and him! I understand that it may be hard to just get up and go but if you can find a way it may help him put things about his ex in the proper place? Sometimes couples need to escape into a different world for a change ......maybe somehow you could figure out a way to balance it in somehow? Best wishes sweetie.

2007-07-09 08:37:37 · answer #2 · answered by Lindsey 4 · 0 0

Hi Girl, I can understand where you would be feeling really frustrated with this and how it hurts you. One thing I realize about my DH and his ex-wife is that he'll always have some love for her, especially since she is the mother of his child, so I give him room to feel that. Another thing I realized about myself is that I was hung up on a past relationship that ended like 8 years ago, but I just couldn't get over it. I would still even have dreams about him at night. I thought I was going crazy and wouldn't tell my DH about it, but then I discovered that it's actually quite common for people to sort of hold one to one of their first loves or a very passionate romance because we idealize it. In your DH's mind, the relationship between him and his ex was the ideal- this is especially true if they weren't together for a long time. Talk to your DH about this in a way that you show understanding. Realize that this is something our own mind and instinct does. When he realizes that he's not alone in feeling this, it's a lot easier to let go of that obsession. For me, sometimes I still wish I could bump into my ex and sit down for a cup of coffee with him so that I could have some closure because our relationship ended really abruptly.

2007-07-09 05:30:58 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

Counseling would help you both. He could learn to live in the present and you could learn to be patient with him until he can get his act together (if he ever does). Sometimes we remember things but only the good parts. We forget the bad parts so everything seems better than ever in the past. He should be thinking of tomorrow and how he can make your relationship better.

2007-07-09 05:03:28 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1 0

So you are afraid to be your own independent person!?
Maybe his ex was not!
Grow! He'll probably admire it!
Maybe you depend on him for everything!
You need to be able to stand alone in the world too!
Be a full person he can love!
Sit down and list some steps you can take on your own outside the relationship so that you can keep growing as a person, then start taking those steps!
There will be more in you for him to admire!

2007-07-09 05:12:45 · answer #5 · answered by Donna G 2 · 1 0

Quit bringing up the subject. Everybody has a first love that remains in their mind. that does not mean that he does not love you. Just ask him not ot mention anything to you about it any more.. Tell him that it is unfair to treat you like that, and you would prefer not to suffer for her sins. Show him that he can fall just as deeply in love with you. You can't do that if you are always fighting with him about this foolishness.

2007-07-09 05:06:26 · answer #6 · answered by PEGGY S 7 · 0 0

Why does everyone need to go to counselling nowadays. I like the term 'moon cycle'. You seem to have put up with it for this long, perhaps you could start mooning over some past love and see how he reacts.

2007-07-09 05:06:18 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

have you try a nice frying pan.

2007-07-09 05:14:25 · answer #8 · answered by just hanging around 5 · 0 0

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