i really need advice pls only sensible answers anyway here we go i have been with my boyfriend nearly 8 yrs together we have 3 kids and im desperate to get married he wont commit to this i tried to talk to him about it but he just says he dont want to but he knows how important this is to me im thinking of leaving him due to this what shall i do am i been selfish help plsssss
2007-07-08 21:52:17 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
i asked for sensible answers hooleycow how does this make me imature shut up and leave all the other nice genuine people to answer thanks guys for your help xx
2007-07-08 21:59:12 · update #1
dont blame you for thinking of leaving.But think carefully before you do. No matter what great words of wisdom come in from this yahoo crowd at the end of the day its your life that will be affected.Remember you are also taking a decision for your children. More the question should be is how is the relationship at the moment.How do you and your partner relate. If by posing this question you hope to get evidence from this crowd that he should marry you then good luck. He may be reluctent to marry for what ever reasons but he may also not want to lose the relationship with you.If you force his hand by leaving and he marries you will he have sone it for the right reasons. You guys need to talk and talk and talk this thing through. Communicate.
2007-07-08 22:05:05 · answer #1 · answered by brian m 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This man has committed to you and his children he is your partner not your boyfriend. Marriage came about so children would be born in 'wedlock' by the Churches in the first instance and then the State made it mandatory to register the impending Nuptials at a cost and to legalise them.
You already have your children and getting married will not alter their birth status. Or, make your 'de facto husband' love you more.
De facto marriage translates to "In fact married" and that is what you are. Why not ask if he would agree to a 'hand fastening or committment ceremony'. You can still go through the excitement of the dress the cake who to have as the witnesses etc. and have a 'reception'. Many have had a relationship like yours only to marry and it breaks down into a divorce. The marriage certificate became a 'bill of sale' to them.
Leaving him because he does not want to get married is just as hard for your children to understand as other kids having to cope with their parents getting a divorce.
"He knows how important this is to me"? Do you know how important NOT getting married is to him? Why is one more important than the other?
All solid relationships make compromises for the happiness and good for both not just one.
Think long and hard about this as there are 3 children and 2 adults who could end up very hurt and unhappy all for the sake of What?
2007-07-09 05:14:33 · answer #2 · answered by sag_kat2chat 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hello 'keza14' :
No idea why you think you're being selfish !
Anyway, 8 yrs. ! ... 3 children ! No wedding ring ?
If he's never been married before, that could be a stumbling block for him.
Maybe he's thinking about how expensive a divorce would be for him ... if it came to that !
Cutting to the chase ... you have every right to ask him to marry you. In fact, you should demand it !
Can't he see that getting married would please you ? Isn't that the man's objective ? ... to please his wife ?
If he still says "NO" to marriage, will you still love him ? Do you love him now ?
It's a shame to think that you would break up after having the children and everything.
2007-07-09 05:11:19 · answer #3 · answered by Helpme 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think you being selfish. You come across as wanting a commitment seal the relationship and your children's future. Do they have his surname ? Have yous considered him adopt your children. Register the children in his surname or equal surnames. Try all aspects b4 considering leaving , avoid the loss of 8yrs of togetherness due to the desire to marry. Continue as you are is OK as I respect you relationship as a married couple.. If there is a question of loyalty con front him openly be gentle.
2007-07-09 05:06:16 · answer #4 · answered by daryl 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I stayed 12 years and finally had to leave. He took the best 12 years of my life!!!
I did not have any kids with him however. I don't know what to tell you. It is hard to raise children by yourself.
2007-07-09 04:55:55 · answer #5 · answered by PEGGY S 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't dream it's over just yet. Let it go for a while then POW hit him with it again. You're not selfish, you need to be married for that lol.
2007-07-09 04:57:25 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
he won't com mitt? you have 3 children? is that not a commitment???
what you have done is gotten involved with a immature little boy. boyfriend? you call him boyfriend and you have 3 kids. come on. you need to grow up. think about your question. real hard.
2007-07-09 04:57:12 · answer #7 · answered by holeeycow 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you have all the right to wanna get married with the father of your children and if he doesn't want to it's him the one being sell fish.Get married is the dream of all little girls and it is yours too!!!If he doesn't commit you should leave him.
2007-07-09 04:57:25 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
If you aren't desperate to leave him, I wouldn't do it - for the kids' sakes.
2007-07-09 04:57:12 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well If you Love him you will stay and see where things go.
2007-07-09 05:00:30 · answer #10 · answered by curious6710 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋