How do you feel about lies?

Question

Do little lies have a tendency to turn into bigger lies in the future? I have caught my husband out on several occasions with little lies, what disturbs me is how convincing he looks when he is trying to get out of it. If I did not have eye witness facts on these occasions I would have thought it was all in my head. Which in the past he has admitted to letting me think that. Our marriage is in marriage counseling for the second time. I have even seen him do stuff with my own eyes and then confront him about it and he flat out denies it. I'm starting to wonder if I really do know this man. I am trying to fix our marriage, he is too. But how is it supposed to get off the ground if he continues to shut me out and lie to me?

Answer 1

I have the same sort of situation. My defacto tells lies about the littlest things. Recently I caught him out over a yahoo account that he flatly denied that it was his, but I knew 100 percent that it was. It is hard to trust them when they do lie and get caught out, and if he lies about the little things then he is sure to lie about the big things...............

You need to ask him staight out why he feels the need to lie. It is worse for you when he does this because then your head is working over time and you start to think it is all in your head. Let him know how it makes you feel and how it effects you.......

You can try all you can but at the end of the day, if he is not willing to try and tell the truth then there is not much you can do.

Answer 2

Little lies by themselves don't turn into bigger lies...

What really happens is that compulsive liars don't know how to solve getting caught in a lie other than by telling more lies, and that is what results in the bigger lies.

The problem you have is that from the sounds of it, your hustband is a compulsive liar. He may lie before he even thinks about it. And yes, they are very convincing when it comes to lying.

If you want the conseling to work, you really need to address this with him. Don't pin him in a corner though, because that's when he's most likely to lie again, instead leave him a way out. Point how how it hurts you, how it makes it hard for you to trust him. I know it's the sterotypical psychological concept, but the whole "I Statement" thing is actually really appropriate here. If you start pinning things on him(which you do probably have the right to do) then he's just going to lie more.

People lie because it's easier than telling the truth... you simply need to make it easier for him to be honest than to lie.

Answer 3

Trust is Paramount. If someone continues to lie how can they be fully trusted. Many justify small "white" lies as OK because they are protecting some one or something. Small lies grow into larger ones and that is the problem. How can you trust a liar. It is impossible, and like an alcoholic a habitual liar can not and WILL not change if they are not willing to admit that they have a problem about telling the truth.

It is important to find out the motivation for the lies.

It is to hide something, like money, relationships, a false impression of them selves, etc? Some lie just because it is a habit. Like an addict they just can not resist the opportunity to lie.

Once you find that all out then you can work on the problems. Before it is worked out who or what can yout trust?

Answer 4

There are 2 kinds of lies, one is comforting lies, the other is true lies.

In comforting lies, a son can lies to the mother about his illness so as not to get mom worried, a husband can lies to a wife about his bad shaped career because he dun wish his family and wife to worry about it. Such lies are sentimental, a kind of giving comfort to other by telling lies. Rather to suffer themselve than to hurt others. It is good in one sense but can be tragic in the other when in the end, the truth is unbelieveable and the sacrifice is enormous.

True lies are real lies said to avoid getting oneself into trouble, husband lies about their affairs, drinking, clubbing, wife lies about their over spending, shopping and even affair. Boss lies to workers so as to get work done, workers lies to boss so as to evade a sacking etc etc etc...this are all true lies, lies that can be lied without a blink of an eyes.

In science,on average, a man speak 3 lies a day, at time without even he/she noticing it. My son is not in, i lied to the his friend over the phone, so that he get to study and not go out for another basket ball session.

Since you have known your husband is lying, i presume he is not skillful in his lies, and in knowing that he lies to evade trouble, you must confront him on what you know about it, otherwise you are also a liar as you lie your way thru his lying.
It is no use playing cat and mouse game, sit down and tell each other "no more lies, now get it straight". Let forgive and forget all, start anew and set target in the family objective, what to do and not to do, vow to accomplish it. This will give a direction in the family. With no direction, someone will be sailing off somewhere and continue lying all the way.

Smart people are smart liar.

Answer 5

I think lies in a relationship, especially in a marriage is not good. Lies big or small erodes the trust between the two of you... you will start to doubt what he says.

Why he continues to shut you out and lie to you I don't know. It's possible he's got a secret or a part of his life he can't reveal to you. But for the sake of the marriage, it needs to come out - good or bad.

Sometimes I find myself wanting to tell a lie to my wife, just because it's easier than explaining the whole truth. But I conciously force myself not to because I tell myself it's not good for the relationship to be built on lies.

Answer 6

as you well know lies destroy trust in a marriage and trust is probably the most important aspect of marriage, everything else is based on trust. why is he lying? what is he covering up? i don't think little lies like if a wife asked does my butt look big in this and the hubby says oh no dear, those type lies don't hurt. but lies about where you are going, what you're up to and who you're with are damaging. if he really wants to save your marriage he will tell the truth when it matters even if he gets caught doing something wrong.

Answer 7

I know what you mean about the lies. "Little lies" are still lies. They can definitely be a problem, and the root of bigger lies. He really needs to stop that. He's trying b/c he is going to counseling with you so you have to give him that, but he might not be trying very hard to be completely honest with himself. He might want to consider going to counseling alone, and then with you.

Answer 8

Good luck on this one...
Are the little lies that big? As in: "I wore a blue shirt yesterday", when you know it was green? 2nd round of marriage counseling...I commend you both for working together on the marriage.
My honest opinion is this: if you're continuing to be uncomfortable with the "lies", then you're most likely to be uncomfortable with him as a mate.

Answer 9

It drives me absolutely nuts when women lie to me. I would rather them tell me the truth even if it hurts my feelings than to be lied to. If your husband even lies to you a little bit how can you fully trust him. You need to sit him down and try to find out the truth cause its only going to get worse. Good Luck!!

Answer 10

is he a compulsive liar? if he is then there is no hope, i have had the unfortunate opportunity to have had a friend (for many years) who just could not stop lying and then a boyfriend who lied about everything as well....and i hear to this day they both still lie very much...so anyway...he probably won't stop lying!!!