I have been with J for almost 6 years. We both love each other very much. We have so much fun together, enjoy our time together, and respect and appreciate each other. He had been married for 25 years, I had been married for 10 years. Marriage is a sacred commitment to both of us. We spoke about marriage about 4 years ago, and he said he could never say never, but he doesn't think he would remarry again. I have never pressed the issue further. I just enjoyed our tiime together, and thanked the Lord for sending him to me. Actually, at this moment in my life, I am not ready to marry, but, I know that I will not stay content just being his "girlfriend" indefinately. The problem is--- I know that if I push, he will flee, so I don't want to push. Now MEN, I need to pick your brains. How should I approach this, what could your lady do that would make you rethink your decision? If you truly loved your lady, would you be willing to lose her?
2007-07-08 19:23:45 · 11 answers · asked by jahulobo 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Please don't tell me to "forget him". He is truly a great man! Integrity, character, generous, caring, has an great and influential job. He's just perfect! Ilove him, and other than this issue-- He is everything to me!!
2007-07-08 19:33:08 · update #1
just wait for a bit. you said that you dont want to get married right now, so just wait. maybe in a couple of years he will br ready. if you are happy with him keep him.
2007-07-08 19:40:21 · answer #1 · answered by party_2_hearty 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry, but I'm with Flash. If he's so perfect in every way, then why force the issue the of marriage, especially since YOU are not even ready to remarry yet. You said you won't be happy being the girlfriend indefinitely - but you don't know how long you WILL be happy. Sounds like you're putting the cart before the horse. Wait until it actually becomes an issue for you, and then sit down and have a conversation with him. You're both adults.
As for an ultimatum - I think they're childish and disrespectful to the other person. They always make the other person go on the defensive, which is not at all condusive to favorable outcomes. I'd avoid that, and just aim for honesty and openness instead.
2007-07-08 19:45:45 · answer #2 · answered by Magaroni 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Marriage is just a ring and a piece of paper. It sounds like you're in a commited relationship that's pretty stable. I don't know all the details, but be happy with where you're at. Don't press the issue. People don't understand that marriage is only supposed to happen once. If he was married for 25 years, and it turned out bad. Maybe he's afraid of loosing you after you get married, he doesn't want to go through all that again. So please just be happy with where you're at.
2007-07-08 20:11:45 · answer #3 · answered by Nicole 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dr Phil did a whole show on this and the only thing that will kick them in the gut is you showing them the door.
Only if they are pressed with a choice? Marriage or out.
You have to make the choice if you are ready if he chooses to leave. If things are that good, he would be a fool.
You have to be strong enough to do it and not give in.
I know I will not marry a woman if I have everything I want except the paper. Why marry, if you get love attention, sex, etc?
2007-07-08 19:31:04 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are not ready to get married but expect him to ask you? You are either his girlfriend or his fiance or his wife and you should not be engaged for much time. Your story is long but you still haven't told us what you want from him! Do you want to be forever in-between the girlfriend stage and the fiance stage? Ultimatums don't work on us and they usually backfire in the face of the one who issued it. Do you respond to ultimatums? I really think that you don't. Did you fall in love with him in hopes that you would change him? People don't change unless they themselves want to and control makes most everyone dig their heels into the ground and they may never want to change.
2007-07-08 21:14:42 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Asking the same question in the other direction: What is with this need to formalize a relationship by signing a government contract?
If you're happy, and you already have him in your life, Why oh Why do you insist on Marriage?
2007-07-08 19:37:34 · answer #6 · answered by flashmeon3 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
well I would have to say that in respect to his values and what he wants. That you should just go with how things are and not pressure the situation. If it comes to that it will happen. If not be in love and cherish what you have.
Dont rock the boat
2007-07-08 20:07:40 · answer #7 · answered by curious6710 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i'm with you. persist with your loved ones concerns. and supply it a concern. He has no emotions on your loved ones. He looks like thoughtless and a administration freak. tell him its over. Do you have the midsection to assert it? decide for it.
2016-10-01 04:47:11 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
you crazy bitsh, you just said you were happy. whatsamatter, are the other medical assistants all married and not you?
are YOU willing to lose a guy you love? bitsh? are ya huh? go then, beat it.
2007-07-08 19:33:21 · answer #9 · answered by nobudE 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
i dono if he LOVED you with every fiber of his being he'd marry you and CERTAINLY marry again!!!! thats not cool just wanting to fool around with his gf indefinately...
2007-07-08 19:31:11 · answer #10 · answered by varsfootball44 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋