Where in the U.S. should a 32 yr old pretty and nice woman with IQ of 150+ look to find a compatible man?

Question

My niece has a BS in economics and can't decide about law school.
She is very kind, a truly lovable human being, but being so smart has cost her any number of relationships with men, because she is so perceptive she can tell she is in some way incompatible with each. This is so depressing. Should she marry knowing it won't work out?
She can't do that. She has too much respect for the institution of marriage and doesnt' want a divorce.
Where are the empathetic brilliant guys in the U.S. who would like to marry?
My niece doesn't know I'm asking, and would be embarrassed, but I can't help myself.
You are supposed to marry someone, if possible, within 5 IQ points of your own IQ.
This is a serious question, please no nasty comments.

She has been registered with e-harmony for many months, and will be taking a college course this fall.
Any other ideas?

Freddy, it is "butt out". It took me a minute to figure out what you were saying.
AviTech, we are hardly racist. My white mother belonged to the NAACP when I was a kid. You cannot grow up racist with that kind of childhood home environment, despite what the US is like.
Please, a little thought before you answer! And thanks to those who did put thought into their responses! It's appreciated.

Answer 1

Actually if you're daughter is truly this intelligent she isn't going to have any problems that she doesn't understand thoroughly and cannot figure out an appropriate solution to fix it.

I'd wonder if she hasn't created a sort of front to deflect your concern, questions and the strong desire you have to see her married asap.

Your use of the phrase "so depressing" is extremely telling - to me it conveys a sense of desperation - ON YOUR PART.

The reasons she gives whatever they are seem far more to placate you rather than an expression of her own inner turmoil regarding marriage per se.

Is it possible you are "projecting?"

Is it possible that your niece is content in her present situation, be it single, serial dating, living together.

You didn't even mention that - clearly to you the ONLY thing that matters is "being married."

For her "being married" could be the last thing she wants to happen now.

I mean, how would being married and the responsibility for a husband (regardless of intelligence) and quite possibly children very shortly thereafter help her attain her goal which you say is possibly being a lawyer. Becoming a lawyer requires a person to basically forget about the world for a couple of years while they get their schooling done and earn their degree.

The first years are NOT easy. Having a husband and then possibly kids would make it impossible for many people no matter how intelligent, due to shear physical exhaustion.

Perhaps your niece has looked around especially at her age group and decided that marriage does hold the ultimate fantasy promise of everlasting love, but if you get married and find out it's not there - the opposite can happen, and you could ruin so many opportunities in life forever.

Finally if she truly respects the institution as you say, then maybe she's treating it with the respect it should have - and approaching it from the perspective of "when I'm ready and I have the time to devote to it - I will" rather than the attitude "I have to get married, because only a man can make me truly happy?"

Answer 2

The 5-point range is rather arbitrary, but having a comparable intellectual level means there's one less difference to strain the relationship or cause one party to be bored. It's good to have a mate you can talk with, as a mental peer.

Yes, there's Mensa (top 2%) and also Triple Nine Society (top 0.5%, for which she should qualify).

Hang around with people who enjoy what you enjoy. Make a point of meeting lots of people at conferences and classes. Her respect for marriage is excellent. She will be incompatible in some way with every man on earth, and won't find a perfect human. When the time comes, she will need to decide how important the particular incompatibilities are to here, and where she is willing to adjust, as is necessary in any marriage. I'm not saying lower your standards, but your standards need to be reasonable. On the other hand, "Don't marry someone you think you can live with. Marry someone you think you can't live without."

Answer 3

Hello, Well 60 yr. old man and 32 yr old woman. Wow! In my opinion if the woman is willing and want to be with this 60 yr old man then so be it(it want work), but I don't think it will be for the right reasons at all. You see there is no way a 32 yr old woman is going to be true and faithful to a 60 yr old man. And if she states that she will , well that is simply nothing but a lie. She is still in her prime and at 32 well the hormones of a woman that age is raging! You know I suggest that this 60 yr old man find someone closer to his age. If he is still in pretty good health what makes him think that there isn't a lady around that age just as spunky as he is.Just not a good idea the man still has a heart and a bank account but at this rate he want have either!

Answer 4

Firstly, she SHOULDN'T ASSUME that compatability is based around IQ points.

Secondly, it sounds as though she is just very very picky. So because of that, she will probably not find anyone very easily and not for a long time.

True love is NOT about IQ or even compatability. It is about commitment and willingness to compromise function without compromising integrity. Love is about sefl sacrifice, NOT making sure someone is "perfect." The "P word" doesn't exist.

The best she can do is enter a relationship with an open mind and nurture it with a healthy attitude and a healthy behavior.

As far as where to go is concerned, it doesn't matter. I live in a town of 1200 (yeah, 12 HUNDRED) people and I am the only one I know of from here that has ever written an orchestral classical piece. So you just never know.

And whatever you do..... DON'T TELL HER TO STOP LOOKING. That is the biggest lie I have ever heard. Trust me. I know first hand. It isn't even logical.

Answer 5

www.sciconnect.com is a personals website for scientists and like-minded individuals. Generally someone who's pursued higher education in the sciences has impressive intellectual ability. Do her friends and acquaintances know she's looking? They should-that's always the easiest way to meet people. Many locations also have singles dining and travel clubs. (eg singlegourmet) Usually people who appreciate fine dining and cultured travel are fairly educated and intelligent. I wouldn't get too hung up with the numbers thing either. A person's ambition, charm and social ease as well as what they have accomplished in their life is really much more compelling than their innate capacity for abstract thought or verbal and quantitative reasoning. Also, once you get someone who's highly intelligent and highly, highly intelligent, the difference between the two only becomes evident in esoteric ways; like the ease with which they grasp string theory (and I'm assuming she doesn't need to discuss the nuances of Nietzsche every morning while passing the corn flakes) Don't expect much from the college course wrt dates; she's going to be nearly a decade older than most of the men! Even most upper level graduate work is completed by the time a student is 32. Maturity would certainly be an issue. Encourage her to pursue continuing education classes instead if she might want to meet someone special; they're intended for adults with careers who still have a thirst for knowledge..smart people..right? And law school would be great too! Once again most of the students will be younger so not as much relationship material there BUT if her mind is finding satisfaction through her career she may be more amenable to enjoying a relationship based on shared passions/hobbies, attraction, warmth and kindness, other more emotional and personality based compatibilities rather than some imaginary ideal of perfect mental rapport. Finally, gently advise her to turn a blind eye to what may initially seem to her to be inadequacies or incompatibilities; eventually other traits she respects and appreciates may overshadow them. It takes time, compassion and acceptance to get a relationship that's meaningful enough to consider marriage. She may be looking for faults out of fear and a fearful or critical approach to dating will bring neither success nor happiness. But good luck to her; there are great people out there and I hope she finds one!

Answer 6

I think the problem with your niece is taht she is focusing too much on intelligence then on the heart of a person. To me intelligence means aboput.00000000000000001 % of what im looking for in a woman. What is more rare than a smart girl is a girl that can actually care for people other then herself and actually put them before herself. If you look at jesus's disciples, not one of them was a rocket scientist but they had the most loving of hearts. Tell your nice to look within these men and in the center, not the head or the other bodypart. In the end the heart is what makes a man or a woman

Answer 7

How I wish were were stores where one could select their partners.... But unfortunately thats not how relationships start or work. Before even getting married if you are going to be worried about being divorced or are afraid of being tagged as a DIVORCEE , Is nothing but a negative state of mind. Have the faith , courage and determination to make the retlationship work and im sure it will. There are no formulars or compatibility tests that can assure you or anyone a perfect relationship. Its a process and requires input from both. Another thing I have learned is there is no measure to the amount of Effort / Input each parther puts in. The focus should be on making the relationship bloom and not measure who makes it work.

Answer 8

Well, first off, she doesn't have to marry someone with 5 IQ points. My husband's is 160 and I'm more than 5 IQ points from him.... love, true love, isn't based of the radius of two people's IQ points. Hmmm.... why does it seem that it's ALL the guys who have the problem, and not your neice??? No offense, but maybe the brilliant, empathetic guys in the US can tell they are not compatible with her.

Try eharmony.com... maybe they can match her based off IQ points!

Answer 9

Ask her to join Mensa. Only the top 2% of highest IQs qualify for it. With that IQ,she would have no problem. They have lots of gatherings and I'm sure she will meet someone there who will be very compatible with her. www.americanmensa.org

Answer 10

who says you are supposed to marry someone within 5 IQ points of your own IQ?

that is ludicrous

http://www.daveyd.com/ludacris97.jpg