Why do you insist to run from what could have been?
Hearing your voice sends chills all over my skin.
I see you in my sleep, but I just wake to see it was just a dream.
When I first saw you, I had no idea my feelings would be this extreme.
2007-07-08 16:46:30 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Arts & Humanities ➔ Poetry
it doesnt really flow and it seems like...idk...ur trying to hard to be emotional
2007-07-08 17:08:20 · answer #1 · answered by Bzzzailey 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Britt, stay away from couplets (rhymed pairs). Unless you're really good with mixed beats and meter, you'll end up sounding forced, false and way too "rhymy". For example, read your poem out loud, then read it out loud again, only the second time move the 2nd line to the end. This is called 'arched' rhyme, and if you "have" to rhyme, it keeps it from being too rhymy. Also, you can write in free verse for a few lines, then stick in a couplet for poetic effect... but don't over-do the pairs of full end stopped rhymes. You're a poet at heart, now work on your form...you have potential.
2007-07-12 22:24:30 · answer #2 · answered by Kevin S 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It a nice start to a poem about crushes, young love and love at first sight. But I hope it's not too extreme, like stalker crazy extreme.
But it's a good poem.
2007-07-09 00:07:18 · answer #3 · answered by Ashamed2beHuman 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Continue with your truthful emotions but don't feel like you have to rhyme. That will stifle your creativity by limiting your choice of words.
It's a start. Keep working on it!
2007-07-09 00:54:43 · answer #4 · answered by suetoz 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
U made the start, and I am assisting with the body if u would like to take it from me......Pls do, as it belongs to u...
But make sure u also find the right end...
*************************************************
Time will pass by while u r there...
I will await u 4 ever and dare...
U R my day dream & u own my heart...
I am ur day light & I am your art...
We r meant to be together...
Live it all with me for ever...
Stop, look back...don't run away...
Find me first & before I sway....
U R mine and will remain a dream...
No matter how i sound extreme...
*************************************************
2007-07-10 12:08:18 · answer #5 · answered by FOREVER AUTUMN 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I thought it was a very nice poem. :) Keep working on it though and add some more to it, you have a great start!
Good luck writing the rest!
-â¥- Teetoe
2007-07-09 00:01:57 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
i loved it it is nice and i would love to hear the rest hey nice name lol we have the same names brittanys think alike
i spell my name brittani i have know clue how to spwll yous but i noticed that
2007-07-08 23:51:19 · answer #7 · answered by ~SURFERGURL_101~ 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
yes good pls carry on
2007-07-09 09:20:06 · answer #8 · answered by ILOVEU 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i love it! it reminds me of myself in a way...the way you wrote it really helps me to picture it....
2007-07-08 23:59:50 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
that was really good! it reminded me of my self..
very cute, i LOVED it!!!!!!!!
2007-07-09 19:18:27 · answer #10 · answered by Sk8er 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋