I have been married for three years. I was always under the impression that alcoholism was a gradual process, but my husband seems to have spiraled out of control in the past 6 months. Maybe I just didn't see it before, but lately I feel like I'm living in a nightmare. He drinks until his speech is impaired every day. Today he was passed out by noon. He has recently started lying to me about his consumption. He is not verbally or physically abusive. He has a very good job and as far as I know this has not impacted his work. We don't have any kids and I don't take my marriage vows lightly, but everything I've read seems to tell me that there is no hope for him. And although I understand that I can't make him stop, I'm at a loss for what to do. He admitts that he has a problem, but he can't seem to stop. I don't know what to do! Does it do any good for me to stand by his side or do I get out now?
2007-07-08 14:55:40 · 6 answers · asked by keelers 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Your first question to ask yourself, and one I didn't see you address in your question, is do you love him?
If the answer is yes then you need to get him the help he needs. He isn't strong enough to do it on his own. In order to do that you need to enlist all the help you can get. If his family will discuss it with you, have a heart-to-heart talk with his parents or siblings.
If you attend a church you could also discuss this with a pastor or family minister.
What you will need to do, and fairly soon, is to intervene. Contact Alcoholics Anonymous or any other alcohol rehab support organization. They should refer you to Al-Anon. AA is the most successful of several programs that help alcoholics help themselves.
Lying about his consumption, which is a form of denial, is a common symptom of alcoholism. It doesn't make him a bad person or a bad husband, but it does indicate he is not facing the seriousness of his problem.
You care enough about him to post this question. Frankly, thiis is too big for you or him to face on your own. You will absolutely need help, and you will need and he will need all the love and support available.
If you love him you have to stand by his side. If you fail him it will nag at you the rest of your life.
But there are reasonable limits to everything, and if he refuses help, or sneaks around, or ignores your attempts to reach out to him it can be reasonably surmised that he could be beyond hope. Then the answer is to get out.
If you don't love him or care about him the answer is simple: get out now. But you are the only one qualified to make that judgment.
My assessment: It is way too early to say there is no hope for him. Alcoholism is tough to cure, but it can be cured--in the sense that a person can become alcohol free. Once a person is an alcoholic he or she will generally always be one, but recovery is possible at nearly every stage, if the person is willing to try to recover.
So, these are the questions you need to ask yourself: 1. Do you love him? 2. Do you really want to commit to helping him? 3. Are you prepared to be in this for the long haul?
Last piece of advice, get someone--a friend or relative, preferably another female--to help you through this. You need moral support at least as much as he does.
2007-07-08 15:19:36 · answer #1 · answered by Warren D 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Run out of that marriage pls, i have a brother that is alcoholic and live 35 years with him it was a nigyhtmare they dont change if you dont do some drastic stop o that problem it would be worst you dont have to stay you are not the problem is his problem , dont tell him when it is drunk he can get violent, pls go now, go with your family if you love him go out you can help him living him alone, know i am married with a person that doesnt drink and i am very happy, and dont have kids if your husband is drinking your babies will suffer, first let him take control of his live and his alcohol problem.. i am telling you because i live many years with that problem and many doctors and person who knows told my family taht we have to live him alone and go to a clinic and we didnt do it and it got worst. all my best wishes for you, make something today!!!
2007-07-08 15:15:23 · answer #2 · answered by rupe 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
1. do you love him / are there children involved.
2. He must get counciling by a professional - you can not help him no matter what you do.
3. Join AA - you will get a lot of help from others.
4. You can have an "intervention" (find out how by going to AA)
5. If he refuses, get out of the marriage. His job will eventually go away.
2007-07-08 16:07:36 · answer #3 · answered by sweetpicker 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am writing this out of experience!!You can't change him!!His family can't change him.He is the only one who can change it.Trying talking to him about counseling.If that don't help you than you need to get out because being around an alcoholic is not good for you.You have the right to be happy and be stress free
2007-07-08 15:12:27 · answer #4 · answered by yenteramanda 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
drunkeness leads to poverty.......even the rich who stay wassted lose something.wifes,relationships,children.......tell him to seek help or get ready for the gutter he is headed to. There is strength in numbers. AAA was started by two guys who started praying about their slavery to alcohol..ask and you shall recieve
2007-07-08 15:04:25 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
look for professional help;they will indicate the best way to stop drinking.
2007-07-08 15:18:53 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋