what can i do to make up with my husband, don't want to break up over him having an affair?

Question

its been very hard for me to accept, i do want to change and forgive him. it takes time. i'm really thinking about things. sometimes, i don't know what i do wrong. i'm just myself, i have really strong views on what happened. and whatever happened happened. i can't change it. i don't feel less about myself or inadequate. it's no reflection on me. i guess he's sorry about it. i'm just trying to be myself and move on from this. sometimes, i want to be a new person, but, at the same time i don't want to start over with him, i want to continue as we are. maybe i could be like both. i'm kinda of tired about talking about things. either i forgive and forget or move on. if he still wants to be with me. i gotta forget this business and just be happy!

no, you know what, i don't need to read all your responses, but, they are well appreciated. and thank you! you know what he prefers a stripper and i can't be one. so, there. that's the answer i need, i'm a little overweight. so, he's honest and tells me these things. so, i don't want to be with him knowing these things. he's a liar and a cheat. but, that's okay. i'll move on from this. i have too much pride. so, that's my answer. i'll move on and i'll work on myself and be happy. i'll find someone who will like me in everyway.

Answer 1

Trust me on this one Once a cheat ALWAYS a cheat. You must have a very low self esteem.

Answer 2

I do not think that it is your fault in any way . There sure is enough temptation out there and at a weak moment some people stumble. Sounds like you certainly thought this through and feel big enough to forgive it . Now, that part about 'forgetting' it, is another matter . For me personally that would be a learning experience and forgetting is not my bag .The subject should be closed and one moves on . No bringing up that subject every time you have a spat .
You can be a new person by rising above the disappointment.
Let's hope he is truly sorry and values your decision.
The other side of the coin is: what happens if he does it again .They say once a cheater always a cheater .I don't believe that per se .There are exceptions .
However, no harm in looking at your future and being no body's fool . See to it that you are financially solvent without him . Work hard to be independent but also fair in carrying half of a household burden .
Good Luck and as you say: just be happy .

Answer 3

You don't want to start over, just continue as you are?? I have to say, that makes LESS sense than anything I've EVER heard in my entire life.
There are obviously some deep issues within your relationship, so not dealing with them properly isn't going to do anyone any good. Maybe he just cheated because he's a lying piece of s**t, but maybe it was a sign that something is seriously wrong between the two of you. Choosing to ignore it rather than fix it will only lead to the same thing happening over and OVER again. Respect yourself and your relationship enough to get help, go to counseling and figure out how you BOTH can change to make things work. I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but you've got a pretty lousy attitude too. If you're willing to just ignore somehting liek this because it's EASY, that shows you probably don't really care about your husband so WHY stay together.
You're naive or just in denial if you think you can just forget what happened. Do the right thing and deal with it, deal with your feelings and deal with his. It's the only way to make things work.
FIX IT OR MOVE ON (alone), no more band-aids, they always fall off after a few hours anyway.

Answer 4

Saving this relationship is going to take more than just you forgiving your husband. Forgiveness does not come easily. What will save this relationship is both of you working through the emotions of this betrayal. Both of you will have to work very hard to move on past this.
It is obvious, by your longing to forgive him, that you love him. That is the starting step. The only concern that I have is whether or not he is truely sorry for what has happened. Most people that cheat do repeat. Not all of them, but most. If he is really willing to work and save this relationship, then perhaps your love will heal the wounds.
Don't listen to those that say you have low self esteem etc. Not everyone who decides to save a marriage after an affair suffers from low self esteem.

Answer 5

Just yesterday, you were saying that you don't want to be a part of this and you're moving on. Why have you changed your mind so quickly?

You seem pretty distraught over this, which you have every right to be. Instead of deciding all or nothing right now, why don't you just take a break from him? Be on your own for 6 months, figure out what makes YOU happy (aside from your husband), and then you'll be better equipped to make a decision about the future of your marriage.

Answer 6

You do have to forget "this business and just be happy." By yourself, that is. Or with a partner that will love and respect you like you deserve.

No, you can't change the fact that your husband cheated on you and had sex with another woman. However, you can change your marital status and your way of life and your habits and your happiness base.

Trust me, you will be thinking about what he is doing when he isn't home, who he is with, who he's looking at when he's at work, the grovery store, the movies, out to dinner, and elsewhere. It will drive you crazy forever.

Get out.

Answer 7

I think the most telling thing you said in your post was that you "guess" he's sorry about the affair. Hasn't he said he's sorry a million times and in a million ways? If not, I don't think you'll be able to, or even should, get over it. It's not you who needs to change. It's your husband who needs to get his priorities in order. It sounds like you're clinging to the notion that he still wants to be with you. Maybe you should decide if you want to be with HIM. He hurt you. You have a right to be angry and hurt and disillusioned that he broke the trust in your marriage. That's not an easy thing to just sweep under the rug. It's HIS responsibility to make things right again with you and it's HIS responsibility to re-create the trust in your marriage. Don't take it upon yourself to fix this. He needs to do that.

Answer 8

to get past this one must completely start over, go through all the different phases of love, and sometimes that's just not possible to do. as it does hurt to be betrayed and cheated on. most any marital problem can be worked out, with the exception of cheating. if u want to stay with him u may need some therapy to deal with the hurtful thing he did to u. but one truly never forgets this not ever.

Answer 9

Ok, you definitely need to forgive. He needs to be truly sorry and to never ever do it again. He violated your trust. An affair is in most cases a symptom of something in the marriage.

My advice is to get good Christian counseling. I've seen marriages that have healed from infidelity and have grown to be healthy and vibrant.

You both need individual and then also couples counseling.
SG

Answer 10

You mention that you wanted to change. Why do you have to change, isnt he the one that should be changing. You seem to be all wrapped up into making changes within yourself, what about your lying cheatn husband. You even said you GUESS hes sorry, whats that all about. He should be kissing your butt right now and if hes not hes probably going to have another affair.