How can I stay friendly with my ex while I start a new relationship?

Question

My ex and I are lucky to remain good friends, and cooperative parents for our kids. But as I start a new relationship, I'm sensing jealousy and bitterness.

I want to remain friends, and I would like to see her have a new relationship too . . .

Thanks.

Answer 1

Since there are kids involved it is actually great for you two to be able to keep a friendly relationship. As with anything although you are ex's it takes time for those feelings to dissipate. Would take the time since you get along to sit down over coffee discuss this problem or situation. Good luck to you

Answer 2

This is a tricky situation. Yes, you ARE lucky to remain good friends with your ex which definitely benefits the children but if you're sensing jealousy and bitterness from your ex, chances are, there IS jealousy and bitterness. How do you know what you're feeling is real? She's your ex wife. You know her very well so don't second guess your instincts on this one.

Being good friends with your ex is equally good AND bad. It's good obviously because of your children and it makes for less drama otherwise. It's good for your children to see that you don't hate eachother. If the divorce was messy and the two of you were at eachother's throats all the time, it would make it very hard on the children and affect them for the rest of their lives. Relationship wise, it is VERY bad. Being good friends with your ex not only conjures up feelings of jealousness and bitterness from your ex, it also creates a lot of insecurity with your new partner...and for good reason. Consider this: Being divorced is one thing, but being good friends after the divorce often leads to a "second time around"..and "second time around" are astoundingly successful with 97% (based on the couples myself and my colleagues have counseled over a 5 year period) of those couples staying together for the duration of the marriage (that is until one or both die). People are generally aware of this so when they are dating someone that is divorced but still on good terms with their ex, it is always cause for concern...and a lot of time puts a block on the relationship.

My advice to you would be to distance yourself a little bit. Let your ex know that you're glad your good friends but also let her know that your friendship could make your current relationship a bit more difficult. She'll probably bring up the children (as an excuse for you not to pull away) but stand firm and let her know that the quality of your relationship with her won't diminish...it will just be the quantity...and it won't make a difference to the children. If you're around less but are still on good terms with your ex wife, your children will be just fine...as long as the quality is there.

Good luck with this. This is a slippery slope but you seem to have a good mindset going into this. It's also good to see that you want your ex to start a new relationship too, which also shows your selflessness...a quality your new girlfriend will admire.

Answer 3

Have a talk with your ex? I mean you have a right to happiness u know. Tell her even though things didn't work out that you love your kids and will always be there for them. You are no longer obligated to her just your children. Ask her to explain her feelings, maybe she had hoped you two would get back together. Tell her your new relationship will in no way interfere with the care of your kids. And on the end note tell her you wish her the same happiness.

Answer 4

Dam difficult my friend. But with open honest communication between everyone I hope you find a common ground. After all as you seem to already know your children's happiness and well being is paramount. Having both of you around supporting your children will enrich there lives. Some one who cares about you will hopefully see that .

Good luck

Answer 5

keep your mouth shut about your personal life.