My husband says I don't need to loose weight...?

Question

It seems like problems on every side.

my husband and I ARE BOTH 100lbs over weight...yet we are still attractive people. He says that me being over weight is not a problem because he says, he doesn't have a right to ask me to loose when he is bigger than me.

He is tired and sluggish and only wants to have sex about every 10 days but for me I would like to have sex every 2 to 3 days. What should I do? What is my husband of 7 years really saying?

Answer 1

You know what. Just go for it!! Maybe it will inspire him to change his eating habits too. Make nourishing meals and eat your portion and let him eat what he wants to. It helps to get up from the table and not sit and talk, you can still talk while you get the dishes started etc. I highly recommend Weight Watchers because they have a variety of menus and its food that has as ingredients things we like. It shows you how to determine how much is the right portions and how to survive a night out! It does cost but sometimes you can get someone to let you see thier books and stuff and menus - then get a scale and cut back on calories.

Look dont starve yourself but reality says that a low calorie diet causes slower weight loss you still need anywhere from 1200 to 1500 a day. Figure out how many calories you actually ate in one day or for a week-be honest you might as well as only you will ever see it. Then you know what you have to do.
Any extra exercise helps. Walking the kids to the school bus every morning. taking the dog for a walk. All can be good.

Answer 2

He's saying two things.

One, he's happy with you as he is, and doesn't expect you to lose weight just for him.

Two, he doesn't think HE can lose the weight, and would feel pressured to do so if you did.

Essentially, this isn't about him. You're not happy with your weight, and want more sex. So, you know what you have to do. Start an exercise program and lose some weight. You'll be happier, and sexier. That may get his interest up and you'll get more action. If he's as out of shape as you describe, you may have to do more of the work during sex, but that's not a bad thing. Eventually, he may start to exercise too, just to keep up with you. But either way, you will be healthier and happier.

Good luck.

Answer 3

Your husband is probably not comfortable with his weight and knows that if you lost weight he would feel he had to. It is easier for him if you do not. The problem is that being 100 lbs over weight is a big deal, not because of physical appearance but because of the toll it takes on the body. If you began working out so you can be healthy and live longer, it will also increase your stamina...which means a better sex life. Maybe it will even be enough to get that husband of yours up and active too. He may feel threatened by you at first, but if it means changes for him, it will bring changes in the bedroom. Sex drive is just another thing that rises. Also studies have shown that people are easy to turn on after any active activity. So get up and get going, he'll join in eventually and then nothing will stop the two of you. :-) Have fun!

Answer 4

I could lie and say if you love each other that's all that is important. But that isn't the most important think in a marriage if your not healthy and if your not happy with the way you look it will take a toll on your marriage sooner or later. Your husband not wanting sex should be telling you something about his health.Could be he might be waiting for you to tell him to lose weight so he can tell you to lose weight without feeling guilty.

Answer 5

Since the both of you are overweight, why not change your lifestyle together? If he sees that you are motivated, maybe he'll become motivated and the both of you can profit 100%! Most men, even if they are thinking it, won't comment on the weight of their spouse, it's just not spouse-like. However, if you want a healthy spouse, it's best to tell the truth

Answer 6

I think he's right...he doesn't have the right to ask you to do something he's not willing to do.

Question is do you think ya'll should lose weight? Do it together if that's what you want.

I bet he would have more energy and feel more attractive if he were thinner.

Answer 7

Your husband really isn't saying anything. He is over comfortable and he has no urge to do anything it sounds like. Maybe he needs some exercise to pep up his sex life. He needs to stop being lazy and you guys should go out for walks or something and maybe then you both will feel better.

Answer 8

He is not putting pressure on you b/c then he would have to put pressure on himself.
If you KNOW you are overweight, regardless of what he thinks, you need to get on the ball and loose that fat. It's unhealthy for you. Also, he does not want to have sex because food is a replacement and because extra fat brings down someones sex drive and self esteem.
You need to encourage him to loose weight with you, and if he doesn't want to help himself, he is not going to help you, and then you need to leave.

Answer 9

sometimes if a man really loves you then he doesnt want to hurt your feelings, im not saying he thinks you need to lose weight,but sounds like YOU think you need to and maybe he dont want to say encouraging things for fear of hurting your feelings- and like he said he must also feel that b/c of his own weight he dont have the right! But sweetie you know that much extra is so bad for your health, and your husband probably feels to tired to do anything about it, so maybe you could encourage him and you two could start walking together and eating better together! it may really take some encouragement- b/c of the way men are but you could try!
Good luck!

Answer 10

I think you should do it together. Be a support system for each other. Does he know how often you want to have sex? Maybe he figures you dont want to either. Motivate each other to lose the weight if that's what you want to do.