My husband treats me differently - depending on if I working or not...?

Question

My husband treats me differently - depending on if I working or not... When I'm working he has sex with me often but when I am not...I have to continually ask for sex and even then, it's not that good. Why does my husband treat me with more respect and honor when I’m working verses when I’m not?

I have been married for 7 years and have worked full-time and went to college full-time for most of our marriage. The first 4 years I worked 50 hours a week & went to school full-time. He respected me and said I was ambitious. He doesn't say that anymore.

Also, I am looking for a job that I can be content with, but I have been unable to find one. I get offers for jobs in offices and I am straying away from that b/c I feel depressed and like I'm chained to the desk when I wk office jobs. My bachelors is in management (got it in dec 2006). I need to make some changes; per I'm not happy when I'm treated badly by him.

He says, me nt working right now isn't a problem. What should I do?

Answer 1

Sometimes two people who love each other can spend too much time together. When you were both working, you both had other things going in your lives. You had something to do each day.

You used to work 50 hour a week and went to school full time. You had limited time together and that time was special. Now he has no time for himself!
Now he is still getting up, and going to work. You are staying home He may have been used to coming home and having some time to relax and unwind! He now comes home and you are there. Instead of having some time to relax, he has to go from "work mode:" to "husband mode". You want to talk, he may want to just sit and unwind!

He most likely is not happy with everything about his job also. Very few of us are lucky enought to have a job where we enjoy everything about it! I know that there are parts of my job that make me want to throw things!! He is still going to work every day.

You have had job offers, and turned them down because you do not want a desk job. How do you think he feels, going to a job that he may not like all that much, knowing that you are sitting home. Even if he says it is not a problem, it has to bother him on some level!

Good Luck!

Answer 2

Well, this is just a guess, but I think he resents you living off him when you could be earning a living. He may also have been hoping you would be the primary bread winner, and doesn't like it when you're not making money. I have to wonder though, why you got a degree in management if you hate office jobs.

Your husband seems to be quite stuck on the financial side of your relationship. To the point where it effects your sex life. You need to decide for yourself if you can accept that. The obvious answer is to find a job. But, I'd suggest that you hold out and find a job you actually want to do. There's nothing more poisonous in the long run than a job you hate. You could try finding something that is part time, while you look for something more to your liking. If your husband starts putting out again, than he may just resent you not working. But if that doesn't help, then he may be more concerned with the money.

Good luck, and I hope you find a fulfilling career.

Answer 3

Maybe he has more worries when you are not working, such as having enough money to pay bills. If he is worried it might be the cause for lack of interest in sex.

It's unfair that you get to decide if you want to work or not because you don't want to be in an office. You need to grow up and get to work. You make it seem like he is the bad person here, but this can easily be turned around. You are being selfish . You don't want to work because you don't want to be in office and have a job where you are happy. You choose to stay home even though you have an education and job offers. That is very immature and selfish. You acknowledge that this affects your marriage and yet you still decide not to get out there and find a job. You say that when you work he treats you the way you like to be treated. Even though you know the solution you choose not to solve the problem.

You can not choose or change the way he feels about this, however you can choose how you respond to the situation. You can choose and respond in a way that solves the problem or you can choose to keep blaming him - funny how we do this so much so it's not our fault.

Talk to him and let him know how you feel. He might have a job that he does not like that much but continues to go to provide for you and when he sees that you are not willing to do the same for him, well this is a turn off.

Answer 4

Obviously, MONEY turns him on. Since you have always worked AND have shown promise by getting a college education, he may have expectations right from the start, that your income will continue to climb. this may be his main attraction for you, expecting your ambitions will pay off.
If this doesn't appear to be happening, suddenly you aren't working, suddenly you are an expense rather than a financial asset, he will become increasingly disappointed the longer you remain unemployed or don't use your degree to increase your earning potential- It doesn't matter if the job isn't exactly what you enjoy. Very few jobs, and (if any) management positions won't make you feel "chained". Work is a chore, and most often that's exactly what it feels like.
If you are capable of doing it, then Take a job/position if they will hire you. Look for a position that looks more appealing WHILE you are gaining job experience and earning money. People work because they have to earn a living, regardless of whether or not they enjoy the job.
When you do work and have a paycheck coming in, insist that he respect your right to keep/spend some as you wish and that he respect your wishes as much as his own when deciding financial goals.

Answer 5

It seems your husband does have a problem with you not working. If it's that much of and issue for him perhaps you should take the office job and continue looking for something better. If he is bringing home enough money to support the household on his own, and your doing the things a housewife should be doing then it shouldn't be a problem, but it sounds like he may want and equal partner and not a housewife.

Answer 6

Do you still take care of yourself physically when you stay home? Please do!!

If you have nothing to do at home (ie raising kids), you should work. Guys don't want a girl whose life revolves 100% around her husband's. He doesn't want you staying home all day in dead silence and not come to life until he gets home from work. It's not that he thinks you're lazy, it's just he wants an equal and when you're not working, you're not his equal.

oh and about the depression that you mentioned. You'll feel 100000x worse staying at home doing nothing than in a dull job. Get out!

Answer 7

It sounds to me like he is attracted to ambitiousness and driven personalities. When you work and are still willing to come home and do things for him, it makes him feel special. Maybe when you're not working, he feels as though the relationship is out of balance.

Try talking to him more in depth. See if there is something he'd like you to be doing while you're not working, to help him feel better about you in general.

Answer 8

Actions speak louder than words, he does have a problem when your not working.

He may resent being the only bringing in money, or he may feel that your not being ambitious enough.

Sounds like ambition turns him on.

Answer 9

well he probably doesnt think its fair for you not to work. he doesnt have that option! imagine if he came home and said that he quit his job and he would get another ...eventually. you'd be mad as hell. and men like women with goals. who want to do something with their life, and he thought you were until you got out of school and quit working. plus your treatin having a job as something you can do or not, it doesnt really matter. he cant just quit until he finds "his dream job" but you can.?!

Answer 10

No matter what he SAYS he seems to have a problem with you not working your butt off.