how many times is too many...?

Question

when my fiance and i disagree or argue, i usualy clean the house really really extra really good as a gesture to forget about the whole thing. it probably seems dumb, but is this reinforcing his/our bad behavior?
im just wondering if this is starting to turn into not such a positive idea....

Answer 1

girl, i know lots of people that clean when they're angry and honestly, i think it's normal. it's not any different than going for a long run to clear your mind or drinking a six pack to yourself. it's better that you get that negative energy out than keep it in and if you do it by cleaning than cool. sometimes i do the angry cleaning thing myself and it not only makes you feel a bit better, but you get something done. you can't kick your fiance's *** but you sure can kick dirt and dust's asses. as long as you don't find yourself cleaning every single day then there isn't a problem and if you are, then maybe you guys are fighting WAY too much and either need to reevaluate your relationship or see a counselor. i wouldn't worry about it.

Answer 2

Try getting him out of the house and into a nice quiet restaurant, then sit and just talk to each other. All couples argue, but few really talk. If you can communicate openly in a peaceful environment you will learn to better deal with any problems, and both of you will have a better understanding of each other. It may be the only way to be sure if you are truly right for each other. Give it a try, and see what happens. Just 'cleaning up' does nothing be give you something to get rid of the nervous energy. Talking things out is the only true way to see if you fit well together. I wish you well.

Answer 3

I don't think its bad to clean after fighting. It is your way of expressing yourself and calming down. I don't think it will encourage the fighting unless you only clean when you two are fighting. As for the arguing, communication is the key. I know it seems kind of dumb but you really need to talk to each other without getting angry and tell each other how you really feel. Try the "I feel () when you ()" or something to that effect, just don't turn it into a blame game.

Answer 4

I wouldnt say its reinforcing bad behavior, but it sounds like a way to just blow off a problem without having to deal with it. If it would me, I would deal with the problem. Talk about whatever you were arguing about even if you agree to disagree. Better to have things out in the open.

Answer 5

Sweetheart , next time when u two ague again don't do anything, just leave the house. Going for a walk or call ur friends and talk to them. Rather than doing all that, let him know u r mad too. Get out of the house as soon as the urguement getiing bigger. Stay calm

Answer 6

That is a pretty good approach, but do not do it too often, or your fiance may start taking you for granted like he can argue with you then expect him to forgive him. Try other gestures or talking it out.

Answer 7

Well, it all depends if he starts arguments just to get you to clean. Unless that happens, I don't think it's an issue. Cleaning is not destructive to the relationship otherwise, so you're not creating new hurts.

If I argue with you, will you clean my place? :P

Answer 8

If you don't get along before Marriage than getting married will make it worse, & having childern will only lead to you being a single parent?????

Answer 9

if your fiance likes the place cleaned extra clean you are just inviting him to be disagreeable.
why don't you self indulge yourself instead of cleaning do something you enjoy.

Answer 10

There's no forgetting anything.

Why not try the opposite and see how that works?