It seems that I'm always entertaining her friends, they're not my friends, I dont get to see my friends often...I work so much; and there's nothing in the house that indicates that I live here, I wear my hair the way my partner likes it, only to find myself to defend myself if I want to change my hair; and it seems that I'm suffocating more and more into my partner. I want to be in but I dont want to forget who I am?
2007-07-08 08:20:58 · 13 answers · asked by The Starr Company 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
As everyone else has said, this is not a good relationship. However what you need ot be able to do is understand where your partner is at and then decide whether to continue, because this is potentially going to destroy you.
You should read this:
http://www.scientologyhandbook.org/SH4.HTM
Which will explain how to judge people's behaviour, and this:
http://www.scientologyhandbook.org/SH9.HTM
About risks in relationships -- although it's about people in general.
.
2007-07-08 08:36:28 · answer #1 · answered by replybysteve 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to tell her that she married you for you, not what she could turn you into. Women do tend to take over the nest, but I've handed over everything else to him if he wants it, he just doesn't seem to care. Basically speaking, I'm the one that does all the cooking so the kitchen is mine as well as the living room but he does have his corner of it with his shelves filled with his things. Since the hair grows on your head, you have every right to wear it the way you want and you should tell her that. If she gets the say on that, you get to tell her how to wear hers and I'm guessing she'll say NO Thanks to that. Let her socialize with her friends, sometimes with you sometimes without you. Tell her you'd like to have a cookout and invite your friends to, then you can introduce all of them. Find out which ones work together and set up a group of friends from each that you can socialize with together and have a good time. Marriage is compromise but it should also be acceptance of our appearance and our friends. Good luck.
2007-07-08 15:29:42 · answer #2 · answered by foodieNY 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
WoW, you have trouble. I only wonder how long you have been in this relationship,not too long I hope. See the longer you let her dictate your life the harder it will be to try and break her from doing this. If she means the world to you you will need to sit her down and tell her how you feel. Start making the stand for who you are in baby steps in a non-treatening manner. But, I must say that in all the girls I have known like this, they are not easy to break and the relationship usually breaks before the girls change. Good luck and just be open and firm.
2007-07-08 15:30:53 · answer #3 · answered by Doll_Partz 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell your partner this. Sit down and have a conversation about how the two of you need to set one night a week, or every two weeks, to hang out away from one another. This way you do not lose sight of who you are. Many relationships fail because one partner is EXTREMELY domineering over the other, and the minority loses themself in their partner. When this happens, you begin to forget why you loved them in the first place. Tell her you need your indviduality before you begin to resent her for the person you have become, which is far off of the person you want to be.
Its fantastic that you entertain her friends and hang out with her alot, but don't lose sight of you time. Go hang out with the buddies occassionally. Just remember to set some ground rules with these "boys/girls nights out", IE: no strip clubs, and always make sure you come home to each other. Hopefully these ground rules/boundaries will help to reduce trust issues that often come when partners decided to become 2 again instead of 1.
My fiance and I always spend at least 1 night a month with out each other. He goes out with the guys and they play poker, and the girls go to a local vineyard and do wine tasting. We always come home to each other though. The next morning we talk about the fun, and spend time together again.
As far as the decorating in the home goes- some girls have a nack for those things, (me!) and its hard to remember that someone else lives there too. Maybe ask her the next time she goes to purchase a home item, that you be included. I made a promise to my fiance that I would not go too modern (as he is somewhat of a country boy) and would stay away from overly girly items/colors (like a pink and purple polka dot comforter). We always have one wall dedicated to pictures of our friends and family, and we both sit down and chose these photos together. Its in area in the home that reflects both of our lives as individuals and still represents our life that we have begun together.
Hope this helps! Good luck!
2007-07-08 15:34:29 · answer #4 · answered by Andi 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is it selfish to wear YOUR hair how YOU want to? Hell no! if youare contributing to the household bills and rent and such,then you are ENTITLED to make the house look as though you live there as well.
Invite your friends round, or go and see them. Do not let your life be dictated to by your partner. And if she complains, explain to her that you love her, but you are your own person and she needs to appreciate you as that
2007-07-08 15:25:44 · answer #5 · answered by Victoria H 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
A book that helped me out quite a bit in this area is the book Boundaries, I have provided a link to it below if you want to look into it some more.
2007-07-08 15:32:37 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh my goodness, you are in a very controlling relationship and I guarantee you it will only get worse.
You are an individual and you shouldn't sacrifice yourself and how you want to be for anyone. Sounds like you slowing got suckered into her web of control.
What you see and what is happening to you will only continue. Is this what you want for the rest of your life? Are you tired of being a doormat? (sorry) If so, then please move out of this relationship and get yourself back again.
2007-07-08 15:25:29 · answer #7 · answered by Patty G 5 · 4⤊ 0⤋
You sound very young. Never lose yourself to anyone! If she fell for you the way you were, then that should be good enough! It looks like she's making you into her doll, not her boyfriend. Talk to her, if she persists...get out, and find someone who likes you just the way you are!!!
2007-07-08 15:26:18 · answer #8 · answered by M. Rod 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you need to talk to her, and let her know that you feel like she is controlling you and you want it to stop now. She probably does it because she is unaware that you do not like it. SO LET HER KNOW....if you have or if you do and she continues then she does not respect you as a man and you need to end the relationship...
She is a controlling woman and needs a man who doesnt mind being controlled.
2007-07-08 15:26:13 · answer #9 · answered by Bored Much 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You need to sit down and talk with her and explain how you feel. the two of you should be able to come to a compromise. It sounds like you let her run you, your the man stand up for yourself.
2007-07-08 15:25:28 · answer #10 · answered by Sha Sha 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋