I want to know Men why would you keep your wife around?

Question

My husband has yelled at me, cursed at me, thrown things at me and around the house. He has told me to shut up, and F*** in anger. (I understand that I should leave him pleae don't remind me of this.) But I ask him why is he still here (he seems un happy, doesn't he?). He says to me nonchalantly "because I love you.". I want to know WHY is he staying here, or keeping me around? Is is becausae of sex, control, power, or is he waiting for another girl to come along first? I have noticed lately that he is working out taking muscle miland pills. He tells me he needs to be a role model for those at work USMC. He is fixing his credit report, finishing up his college classes....but he he talks down to me, yells at me, tells me to shut up in agruements, he does not try to be romantic with me anymore.. I want to know from guys out there, why is he keeping me around? Any ideas? He says he loves me, I think after he fixes things with himself he will drop me. Am i right?

I want to make a point, he acts out in these bad ways during arguements.

When i ask himwhy he loves me he simply says "because of you." He does not say anything specific.

Answer 1

Because he is use to you. You are convenient! You probably cook his food, clean his clothes, service him sexually, and all the other things that a wife does. He does not want to lose you because he would have to do those things! If I were you, I'd leave him now. It's obvious that there is no love and who needs a relationship or marriage when there is no love. Hit the Highway while you still have a chance.

Answer 2

Well having been married to some one in another branch of the military and knowing spouses married to marines, his outbursts could be because of work. Marines are especially pressured about their jobs. That still doesn't excuse his lack of respect toward you. They seem to be pressured more than any other branch of the military.

Marines also seem to be the most violent. If you think about it they are trained to be killers and taught to be very controlling in combat situations. It's drilled into their heads the most important 3 things are, God, Country, Corps. No where is family mentioned or important to the Corps.

A lot of servicemembers are very controlling and abusive at home, due to being constantly controlled and abused at work. They aren't able to do anything to a controlling and abusive superior, so they take out their frustrations at home.

I knew many wives that dealt with this. In the Navy, even when the ship was on a long cruise, the spouses would control and belittle them from sea via phone and mail. The wives couldn't make any kind of decision, even simple decisions, with out the other's approval.

Also, are the muscle miland pills steroids? If so that could be a catalyst for his rage. Research the side effects.

If the changes he's making are recent, (eg. working out, improving credit and finishing college classes), watch out, they could be possible signs he's having an affair or when he completes these goals, he might leave you. If I were you, I'd take measures to protect yourself incase he's planning to leave you. If you want to know if he's being unfaithful, there's a web site you can get advice from. It's called "catchspousecheating.com". It's a site by Sarah Paul, sign up and get informed.

Be on the offense and not the defense. You don't have to take that crap. You are a person of worth and value. In a marriage there has to be respect between partners. Get your courage up, take measures to save yourself or else you'll always be a door mat and one in future relationships.

Good Luck!

Answer 3

i'm not a guy but you do seem to have the right idea of why he is keeping you around... he seems to have some control issues as well. It sounds like he wants to keep you on the backburner, he may already be cheating on you but wants to keep you around too. It doesn't sound like he is happy with you. Either that or he has some serious anger issues. My suggestion if you don't want to leave is to seek some counseling. He isn't going to change or get any better without it. My sister in law went through a lot of the same thing when she was with her ex husband. He treated her exactly the same.

Answer 4

He's doing a lot of things to improve himself. That's really good. Are you similarly doing things to better yourself? That's what I would suggest if you aren't, that will help with your insecurities.

More than anything he has a nasty temper, one that he needs to learn to control. If he's behaving this way with you, then he would do the same with any other woman. He sounds stressed. Not that it's your fault, he should be able to control his temper regardless of what you are doing. But, perhaps your way of dealing with arguments sets his fuse off. What do you do during an argument? Are you passive or do you start crying? If he only goes off during arguments, try to notice your own behavior and try different things like validating his frustration. "I can hear how frustrated you are, do you want to talk about it?" and let him vent. If he's being very abusive, then maybe leave the room.

I'm not saying this is a good situation or in any way your fault. You can only control your behavior, try changing how you are and see if it affects his anger issues. If it doesn't at all, then he really needs help.

Answer 5

Most men would rather stay in a bad relationship/marriage than leave. It's not about you, it's about him.

You spend a lot of time on here telling the world what an awful husband he is and have done for some time now. When are you going to do something about the situation?

Answer 6

Speaking as a woman that has been there a time or two . I feel like no one can do no more to you than you allow them too. Don't get mad at the person get mad at yourself & set up some limits to what you will take from your spouse. Learning to love you is the key right now. After I figure out the rest from there I know that all will fall into place in my benefit cause if I don't love me no one else can.

Answer 7

He is an abuser. He is keeping you around because he wants someone he can control and treat badly. Not all women will put up with this type of treatment, and he has found someone who will, you. Why would he leave? This is the way he wants his life. He wants to continue to control & abuse you. You know the right thing to do. Just get yourself some help & counseling so you'll have the strength and self esteem to do it.

Answer 8

You are probably right. He dogs you cuz you let him. He disrespects you because you have no respect for yourself. Odds are you'll end up with another guy that's like him unless you break this cycle of being with guys that totally dis you. He keeps you around because you won't leave. You sound as if you're waiting for him to dump you. Why can't you leave? Why do you keep him around? You sound needy and clingy...two things that no woman should ever be.

Answer 9

If I'm understanding you correctly, you are married to a Marine. Being a Marine is a very noble but very taxing profession; it requires a person to behave in a very linear and driven manner to accomplish their various objectives. I understand this intimately because I lived this life in this way for a number of years; there's little room or freedom to examine the softer side of one's personality. But married Marines have the added obligation to do just that; find a balance that allows their family members to feel valued, loved and respected because ultimately, they are why we do what we do. Just like police officers and others in high-stress occupations, Marines have a tendency to carry work home with them, and that manifests itself in the ways you've described in your statement. But wives and children are not recruits and they're not troops, so they must not be treated as such. It is definitely a difficult transition trying to switch this behavior off and on at will, but that's a duty and a challenge he took on when he decided to marry so he must follow through and find a way to make it work properly. There is a great deal of assistance available to you both in this regard through Base Special Services or through any of the many chaplains stationed near you; seek them out and use their help, even if you have to initiate the process yourself....he can be compelled to participate (ordered) through his command once the chaplain's recommendation is filed. He'll be pissed off at first, but ultimately this will benefit your entire family so stick to that conviction. (How do I know this so certainly? Because many years ago someone had the wisdom to do this for me!) One thing that will make this situation worse is this disturbing habit of taking muscle-enhancing pills. These things produce violent mood swings and can severely damage one's liver function and diminish one's sexual drive, so that needs to stop yesterday. Once he is seeing things with clarity, I have every confidence things will improve for you both. We Marines take care of our own, and that extends to Marine families. Just make sure you use the help that's out there. Good luck to you both, and stay strong!

Answer 10

Guess your eyes are wide open but shut at the same time!!

Come on!! It's reality check this time.....

Assess your situation and see if it this what u need, want and deserve. If not, do something for yourself. Who else loves you but you.

No man, i repeat, no man has the right to treat u the way he is treating u. Get it fixed or be that battered bone he is clinging on to.

Good luck... (",)