do you think i am right?

Question

my husband has not been paying any of the bills,he spends all his money and says he doesn't know where it goes, he doesn't like to have sex ( he says he is at that age 48?)he does what he wants when he wants to and has no care about how I feel or what I need.
I have told him I want to go to therapy with him to work it out but he says it is me and I am depressed.
Heck yeah i am depressed why shouldn't I be.
But the question... I need some loving and someone who makes me feel like the woman I am, should I look outside the marrage for this, kicking him to the curb is easier said than done and he won't go willingly.
So what is a girl to do???
help me out.

Answer 1

Cheating is not the answer.
I am wondering about the part where he won't help with bills and does not want to make love w/you..how does he treat you otherwise? Do you suspect him of cheating?
He won't seek help with you then go on your own hun. Perhaps that will spur him on to go w/you eventually if not, you are getting the help you need.
Have you tried speaking w/him calmly over a quiet dinner?... If he won't talk to you about this and you feel unloved perhaps a separation will make him think....and liberate you to perhaps leaving him..he does not deserve you!

Answer 2

I would start by going to therapy without him......you may some things going on that you need to figure out separate from him. I DO think there are genuine problems w/ the marriage and he needs to make some major changes. But I think you getting individual therapy will help first. After you've gone through that for a month or so, ask him if he's willing to do couples therapy. If he's not, then I would consider divorce....but don't stoop to cheating. It will make you feel nothing but guilt and it's just the wrong thing to do. Also, if you DO end up getting a divorce, an affair will come back to bite you in the behind.

Answer 3

Sounds like he has his mind made up that he doesn't want to be a willing partner in your marriage. And maybe he has an outside love interest. Partners who care who cannot have sex will often continue other forms of intimacy. Anyway it sounds as if it is really over except that you are supporting him financially. The best solution is the legal way through divorce. Check with a lawyer. If not settle for a separation with papers filed through the courts saying you are not responsible for any new financial debt incurred by him etc. Move out if he won't move out and start socializing in general. Go see a counsellor if you like but you cannot get marriage counselling for one person, I know cause I tried that route. If you are truly depressed then solving your marital problems will not remove your depression. If you are truly depressed please seek help professionally.
Hope things work out for you.

Answer 4

GOING OUTSIDE THE MARRIAGE? well no matter how pretty it is worded, you still are basically cheating on him. i would say "NO" to that option. a battery can give you the physical "loving" you refered to - and you wont be lowering your standards due to his being selfish. now - i would confront the lack of respect thing head on - spell it out for him, MAKE him understand that his behavior is and will no longer be tolerated!! let him know that he has a few options - one of which is getting out and divorce will soon follow. it is not just that he wont have sex, or hasnt paid his bills.....it is that ugly need to think only of himself. i mean it is a marriage, a partnership between the TWO of you - not just himself. there is not time to have a onesided marriage - you deserve a PARTNER - although he may have faults, you should never have to doubt whether or not you are in this whole thing together.
as for the counselor - make the appointment for a counselor - give it to him, and tell him that he has a simple but definite choice. if he doesnt go, dont be home when he gets back - let him know his selfishness has consequences.
i wish you all the best

Answer 5

Oh, yes, kick that trash to the curb. How many ways does he have to tell you that there is somebody else (1) not paying bills (2) spends alot of money on ????? (3) Doesn't care about you and drum roll please..... (4) doesn't want sex

Gezzz Louise, he's telling you alot right there. What do you mean he won't go willingly???? Get a restraining order. Nobody is better than somebody like that because having "hope" for a better future is better than knowing there is no hope of this guy cleaning up his act.

Answer 6

Having an affair will only make things worse. For one... it will show you that there are much better men out there, which will feel good at the time, but it will make you feel even less content at home as time goes on. Also, eventually you'll feel really bad about yourself because cheating goes against most people's values and morals (if you have a conscience). In the end, you'll have to make this decision because you are the one who ulitmately has to live with the consequences... but I don't think that cheating is ever a good idea.

Answer 7

Sounds like he's trying (or is) going throuh that mid-life crisis thing! Talk to him again, and try a different approach about going to counseling together. Then even if he still won't go, GO to counseling yourself. It will be beneficial, and help you get through this tough time in your marriage. It will help you not only as a person, but can help you grow more within yourself. If he still is so adimant about not going, give yourself (and your marriage) a reasonable timeline to try and work it all out. If all fails, you may have to resort to the final option (which no one likes at all) of divorce. This is probably one of the worst times to go through in any one's married life, and I wish you all the luck for this journey through it. Keep happy thoughts in your mind, and do take the time to do something for you that you enjoy, such as a day trip somewhere or even spending a day with a couple girlfriends and doing something special with them even if it's out to lunch and a movie or window shopping.

Answer 8

well it sounds like that is exactly what he is doing...crepping outside of the marriage, but that doesn't mean that you should too. No where in your writing you stated the love you two share still being there, and i am sorry to say but no marriage should be complete without love. Sweeti, i am sorry to hear what you are going through, that is a though. If it was me though, i'd do some investigation of my own and see where this money is going to and why my husband doesnt want to have sex with me anymore. once i find out, i'd take him for what he's got. but that is me, and i am a meany who dont take crap from on one. lol

Answer 9

I dont buy the not knowing where the money goes line. I'm 50 and love sex,so i dont know what his problem is. He is in denial about the therapy too. If your not gonna feel guilty about cheating, then go ahead and do so. You have a right to have your needs met. Are you sure a divorce would not be better?

Answer 10

You're in a marriage slope. Work through you problems. Make sex fun and appealing-break out of the routine. Maybe he's having dysfunctional problems and is masking it? i don't know but it seems he's getting busy with his interest and taking you a little for granted- it happens don't push for divorce/cheating soooo fast.
I would organize my time better
a. get some time/friends/hobbies you like outside of him
b. give him time/ make time together- date
see each other in a different environment-dedicating full attention- no nagging no expectations- enjoy the attention - make an effort to look you best and smell great
c. work on making sex fun for both of you- i get bored it happens - so does he
work though it- you might not need therapy-try dating and relaxing and if he thinks you are depressed- try lowering you expectations and pressures on him- looking nice and being pleasant with your time together.
maybe try yogo or exercising - help relieve stress and release serotonin and you feel sexy and look sexy.

Answer 11

DO NOT HAVE AN AFFAIR ! Nothing but heartbreak and huge trouble down the road. Seek the therapy route, if you have to go alone then go, you have already indicated that you need to. If you cannot work out your marriage then move on but don't shame yourself the rest of your life by ending it in an affair.