How do you take control away from an abuser?

Question

Many of you have told me my husband is abusive..he has yelled at me, thrown things at me,cursed at me, thrown things across the room, told me to shut up,etc.....many people say that abusers feed off of power. I want to take this away or back from my husband. He can be degrading with me and sacrastic with me as well. I want to make changes while i'm here in the home...How can i keep him from feeling power over me? I have thought of ignoring him, working out, getting a second job, finishing my degree. What can I do? What fuels abusers and how can I take it away from him? I really appreaciate so much all your help and advise.

Answer 1

You need to protect yourself from this individual. I'm surprised that you are still with him. I would document this abuse and consult a lawyer.

Answer 2

Insecurities, lack of good parenting as a child, lack of compassion, are all responsible. To ask an abuser to change is to ask someone who is 6'5", "Hey, don't be tall." In your place, hon, go back to school, get those degrees, study your a.... off, and get a good job. As soon as you can, get out. If it become really physical, have a plan to leave. The below little things are what my mama told me when I was 16, and I turned out just fine, and probably didn't make huge, life altering errors... read them sweetie. If you had been raised by my mom, she would have had these taped to the inside of your bedroom door...
1. the most important decision you will EVER make is who you marry... choose with your head as well as your heart.
2. Don't have any children until your bond is strong. Kids and destroy anything. And have no more than you yourself can support... you just may have to.
3. Finish your education... the more the better. Kids and your education are forever.... husband, lovers and promises are not!!!!!!!
4. Have a stash of cash that no one knows about even if you absolutely know you will never need it.... you will, and the more the better....

OHHHH thank you mama... I will always love you for this...
Write it you want to talk.

Answer 3

Have a little self respect for your self and leave the fukcin Bastred . Leave no clue where your going to and do not caving hon he will not change in a week or even in a month unless he starts going to counseling ok . GOOD LUCK your in my thought and prayer. P.S even if you do not have a place to go there are place to go you can go like safe house if you livin the states I am not sure any where out of the states . Call like a WMCA and ask for help but then when your done with the phone call pick the phone up and hit a few new numbers so he will not find out what you called last . ok

Answer 4

Speaking from my own experience you have to take control away from him,leave.He won't control,abuse,degrade if you are not there.You won't feel like you are losing your mind anymore...it will all seem like a bad dream later on and believe me its better for you in the long run.Who is else is gonna take care of you BUT YOU!!!!Please,please leave and don't go back! If you need help ask family and friends...get as much support as you can from people you can trust and people that believe you and not him...been there done that...don't go back its worse than before and you or him WILL do something you regret...if you have to get some law involved not much help though they can only do what they can do!!!

Answer 5

get out NOW i have been through that too the only way it will stop is to leave eventually he will become worse the pattern is if he leaves and knows where you are he will come back make it look like he is calm if you let him in he will be good for a short ti me and then it will start again he will come back acting like a lost puppy maybe he will m uster up a few tears make hi mself look pitiful so youll feel sorry for him but BE STRONG NEVER UNLOCK THE DOOR WHEN THEY COME BACK NO MATTER WHAT THEY SAY at night keep it dark so they cant see in and GET OUT start setting up an account so you can leave hide leagle papers the lease or mortage papers ids for you a nd any children set up a place that he doesnt know about and be safe ok take care

Answer 6

What worries me is that you can SEE his behaviour is NOT a healthy one...YET you still want to see if he will change....

The fact you are asking "what fuels abusers and how can I take control away" is good in part- but you need to actually DO something about this!

Going back to school, finishing your degree and earning your own money will definitively help you feel better about yourself and will empower you so you can finally leave him.
Start today!!!

Answer 7

once an abuser - always an abuser!! taking the power away from him will only be temporary and may not happen as well as you would hope for. what is to gain from taking away his so-called power other than a risk that he may snap and do alot more/worse than telling you to shut up. playing games with a guy like this is tempting fate - tempting him to maybe take it to the next level, which could be seriously dangerous for you. i wouldnt play any game other than "pack your **** and get out of there". seriously, do you want to take the risk and the "what-ifs"?? it isnt worth lowering your standards to beat him at his own game - just get away and go out to enjoy people who would never make you have to even ask such a question. NEVER SETTLE FOR SECOND BEST - MAKE IT WORK FOR YOU , AND ONLY YOU.

Answer 8

You do not deseve to be treated that way. He is slowly destroying your self worth and self esteem. It sounds as if he's been doing this for a long and will probably never change. You can't take back control because he sounds like a person who needs it in order to feel important. If it were my decision, I would get out of the realtionship and let him know you are better than how he is treating you. it's evident he doesn't respect you or he wouldn't treat you this way. He is lost in his own world and is acting like a child throwing a tantrum.
Good luck in whatever you decide and think of yourself first, you can't change him and that's where alot of women make the mistake of thinking they can change a man. Take it from one who knows.

Answer 9

I would certainly hope your family would intervene in this situation! If I found out that my sister was being verbally abused her husband would be bleeding for a while. The only thing you can do if you don't have family support is leave his sorry ****. Life is too short to live in fear and being abused. Have you tried to clock him with a frying pan, sometimes men that are sissy's love to abuse women. If you stand up to him and knock him out he may change, but is it really worth it? There are too many good men out there, I say move on.

Answer 10

you elect OUT. I have been given out with the help of packing slightly backpack and arranged til my abuser became asleep from an all night inebriated after kicking me around slightly. I walked down the line and by no ability became back. He had me thoroughly remoted, so there became no telephone, and so on., and he had the keys. I walked various miles to city on a back highway, and then talked approximately as for a experience from a chum, have been given dropped off at a mall 2 hours away, talked approximately as a chum there, have been given dropped off at a hotel, caught a bus to the airport in SF, and flew 500 miles to my relatives he had remoted me from. Did he take place? YEP! some week later. yet we've been waiting for him. All my enormous burly nephews have been status with the help of me, and he left. i became finally at peace whilst he kicked the bucket 2 years in the past. it incredibly is different for every person, and you will would desire to do it your person way...yet do it.

Answer 11

Your going to have to do somthing that you never immagined you would do ! Get out now and get that degree . He will lose all control of you when you are away often . Im sure hes going to stalk you though check on where you are just drive you crazy . He might turn dangerous . I suggest a womans shelter then get your degree . I hope there are no kids involved .