why do most women that have multiple marriages always blame the man for their past failed relationships?

Question

what i'm trying to say is that when asked it's never their fault!

listen up and this is only for the women, i knew that most women where going to start blaming the men....but example 1 woman that has been married to let say 6 different men...then would you still say that it's still the six different mens fault....please ladies keep it real.

Answer 1

I'm divorced and I definitely blame my ex-husband for it.

Why? It was his fault. He couldn't keep it in his pants, was a habitual liar (even about the stupidest things), was addicted to strip-clubs, though having affairs was the norm and 'everybody does it', etc..

Don't get me wrong, he was a great guy when I married him, but it ended up that he was weak; got into the wrong group of friends at work, and the old saying "you are the company you keep" came true.

I tried for over 2 years to fix things, he just couldn't change his ways. I believe towards the end, he was getting into drugs as well, although I could never confirm it for sure.

I did LEARN from it though. I know more of what to watch out for and avoid for the next time I choose to marry. I refuse to make the same mistakes again.

*** It took me several years of counseling to learn to NOT blame myself for his actions. I DID put all the blame on myself initially and strangely enough, I didn't hardly blame him at all, thinking "if only I had done this or that, then things would be different". ***

Those that say "it takes 2 to make a marriage work, and 2 to make it fail" are only partially right. Marriage is a partnership, it does take 2 to make it work. However, if only 1 person is trying, they cannot control what the other person does. I believe it takes 2 to make a marriage work, but only 1 to royally mess it up. Try as you might, you can only do so much if your spouse has no interest in making things work.

Answer 2

Good point. You choose how you are treated. If they put up with it and kept making the same mistake, then it is their fault. You teach people how to treat you (quote from Dr. Phil that I like). So...you raise a good point. But honestly, isn't it easier to blame everyone else for our mistakes? We can't control what other people do, but we can control what we plan to put up with. I would say after 6 failed relationships, it might be time to see why we keep picking losers. Hmmmmm.

When I was dating, if a guy blamed the breakups before me all on the women, it was an immediate red flag that he wasn't mature enough to bother dating. I think the same goes for women. Adults need to control what the can and stop blaming their failed lives on the opposite sex. It gets nauseating.

Answer 3

I am on my second marriage and I will say that while the reason I filed for divorce from my first husband WAS his fault, I do own up to my responsibilities in the failures of my marriage. With my first husband, he was emotionally abusive to me, physically and emotionally abusive to our children, he was extremely controlling, domineering and manipulative and he was cruel. He kidnapped our daughter from me shortly after surgery & kept her from me for a year, all while telling the court that I abandoned her and I was an unfit mother. He did everything he could to smear my reputation, all while telling others he loved me & he couldn't understand why I wouldn't reconcile with him. Oh - when he kidnapped my daughter, it was the day before my father died (he KNEW he was going to die any moment) and he did so to prevent me from taking my daughter to see him before he died. When my dad died, he died on my birthday & my ex told my daughter it was God's punishment to me for trying to take her to see my father. My ex was very selfish & cruel. We lived in poverty because he could not keep a job. When he got fired from every job, it was always someone else's fault. Every fight we got in was always MY fault & he would tell others when we argued & say I was going off the deep end again. I could go on & on, but I'll spare you. Just suffice it to say that if he wasn't worthy of blame in this failed marriage, the judge would not have awarded me FULL custody of both our kids, allowing me to take them out of state to my home state, would not have required my ex to take anger management & parenting classes & would not have allowed the restraining order for the garbage my ex has tried to do since then when he threatened to kill me & a host of other stuff. Sometimes it IS the guy's fault. Sometimes it is the woman's fault.

As to your question though, I can look back & despite the horrible things my ex-husband did, I can see how I was not as supportive a wife as I could have been. I did not make enough of an attempt to understand him better & I read into his words & actions things that sometimes were not there. For this, I take full responsibility & I have applied those lessons to my new marriage. I am very happily married the second time around. Yes, there are many women who are married multiple times. Maybe the men were not jerks. I mean, c'mon - ALL of the husbands? Still, perhaps they WERE jerks and the women are right about that. What the women need to accept responsibility for however, is the fact that they are not using good judgment in the men they are choosing & they are not taking the time to get to know them well enough & find out how compatible they will be with the man before they marry them. Perhaps these women have a habit of choosing a particular "type" of man who just so happens to be bad for them or a poor match. These women need to stop blaming the men for just being who they are and start taking responsibility for being foolish enough to not make better choices in husbands.

Answer 4

I'm a woman and I was married three times.
The first ended because he was celibate and wanted to stay that way, while I wanted a family. Both our faults.
The second ended when he found someone else. Both our faults.
The third ended when he died in a car crash. Whose fault?
I have never laid the blame on my men and won't do it now. It took two to make a marriage and two to unmake it. You have never talked with me so please don't generalize that woman always blame the men.

Answer 5

the same reason men blame the woman for their failed relationships....it goes both ways. unfortunately its hard for people to admit to their own faults, its always easier to blame the other person....you listen up I'm not blaming men I'm simply stating that its not just women that pass the blame.....someone sure put you through the wringer....

Answer 6

Anyone who can't accept responsibility for their part in a failed marriage (or three) has some serious growing up to do. It takes two to succeed in a marriage AND two to fail. Think twice about getting involved with some who refuses to be held accountable.

Answer 7

Men do the exact same thing. People in general don't like to blame themsevles.

Don't blame everything on women. By doing that, you're just as bad.

Answer 8

Why do men with multiple marriages behind them blame the woman??

Answer 9

You know, I was going to answer this question. But as I read down through the previous answers I see that one in particular has said the same as I was going to. I vote for KMP.

Answer 10

I agree with Cassie. It's always easier to blame others for our unhappiness, because change is hard and not everyone is willing to admit their share of the blame.

Mature people will seek help and try to learn from their mistakes.