I have been with my husband for 5 yrs. In this time he has yelled at me, thrown things at me, hit things across the room, cursed at me, driven receklessly, he has told me to shut up, and has said "F*** You.". He even said that based on sex alone he doesn't know if he would ask me to marry him again (my sex drive is much lower than his). He has acted out in such abusive ways to me and behaves this way in arguements or disagreements, and i asked him why does he stay with me? He said becuase he loves me. I don't think he loves me. How can a man treat a woman like this and feel he loves her? If he does not love me i just wish he would leave. Can someone please tell me why doesn't he leave? How can he tell me loves me treating me like this? Is this relationship just about power and control? I need some advise here....
2007-07-08 05:13:28 · 29 answers · asked by ilih2006 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
My husband is in the Marine Corp.
2007-07-08 05:13:54 · update #1
It is about control and power.
perhaps you should leave
2007-07-08 05:18:33 · answer #1 · answered by Experto Credo 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Why don't you just leave him? I know, it's easier said than done. Your husband is abusive and he's hurting you. I know it's hard to leave a relationship that you've put so much effort and time into but sometimes it just isn't worth it to stay. Yes, it is about power and control and it's not healthy for either of you. Do you have access to marriage counseling? You might want to try that, if he's not open to it then go by yourself. I feel for you, I was in an abusive relationship and struggled to get out because I felt sorry for him and I thought I loved him. I finally left and I thank God I did. It was hard but worth it. Honey, you don't deserve what he's putting you through, no matter what he says. Don't get suck on thinking you can help him change either, he has to want it too and work at it himself, not rely on you to do it. Please think about it. Even if you don't leave get some kind of help. Stay safe and I hope everything turns out well.
2007-07-08 05:24:35 · answer #2 · answered by Star 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Hi I am so soo sorry that this is happing to you I know this is not much comfort I was dating a USMC guy for 3 year's and he was the same way . It was os bad I left him and I found out that the USMC are like that they relationship on base are like that so they feel after so long of being yell at that just think it is the way of life. I am so so sorry again I no it not easy but I am telling you from from the bottom of my heart if he hit's you must leave and go to a safe place that he will not hurt you . It sounds like to me that it is already to the meatal abuse I am worried about your safety Please be care for . My thought and prayer are with you . P.S you need to find some place near you that is safe to just talk .
2007-07-08 06:03:15 · answer #3 · answered by mary357951 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You've hit the nail on the head. This is a control issue. Also are you pretty? He may just like the idea of showing the arm candy off to his buddies. He will stay as long as you put up with his arrogance and power trip. Wait till he is within a month of comming home (for the bennifits) then file for a divorce and let him come home to an empty house.
2007-07-08 05:20:37 · answer #4 · answered by pappysgotitgoinon 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The question is not, why doesn't he leave you, but why the hell don't you leave him?!! It's clear that his verbal and emotional abuse (which in and of itself should be a deal breaker), is escalating into violence. Your decision to stay could be a fatal one. And do you have any children? If so, you need to leave for their sake as well as your own. There are ways to leave that minimize the chance of his tracking you down and harming you further.
Any man who does this does not love his partner. The relationship IS about power and control, and that's what he loves, not you. He tells you he loves you to keep you hooked so you'll stick around to give him power and control.
Here's an excellent book to give you insight into what's going on on his end:
2007-07-08 05:24:15 · answer #5 · answered by Ms. X 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
He's a control freak - and a violent and abusive one at that. my ex husband used to do the same to me and I ended up doing everything to try to please him all of the time. he doesn't deserve to be with anyone. He's a bully. If he really loved you he wouldn't behave like this.
Don't waste any more time on this man. He will continue to behave like this and his behaviour will get worse. You don't stand a chance against someone like this. you need to get yourself out of this situation/marriage as soon as you possibly can. He won't change. Don't waste any more of your life on him. Start making plans for a new, happier life. It won't be easy but you know deep down inside you have to do it. Don't wait for him to leave - you leave instead. That'll shock him as he prbably has beaten you down so much he'll think you're too scared to do anything about it. Pack your bags girl and once you've gone - DO NOT GO BACK no matter what promises he makes. Remember - control freaks will say and do anything to get their own way! Good luck! You deserve it - and be strong!
2007-07-08 05:22:51 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 5⤊ 0⤋
I agree with other people's answers....He sounds like he has SEVERE issues he cannot deal with, and you are the one he has around so he pours all his anger and bitterness on you.
The question is : WHY are you still there?
It takes "two to tango"...and in this case, he is the abuser and you are the victim!
LEAVE HIM.....People like this don't change! And yes, it's all about power and control...He doesn't love or respect you.
I'd say call your family and good friends, ask for support, pack your things and leave. DO NOT believe him if he comes begging for forgiveness....He is a manipulative man and a violent one as well.
LOOK at his ACTIONS...NOT his WORDS.
Talk is cheap.....and life is too short to waste it on someone who doesn't deserve it.
Good luck......You deserve to be happy and to have peace in your life.
2007-07-08 05:49:07 · answer #7 · answered by Nena S 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why would you wait for him to leave you? Why would you let someone else treat you like that? You have to see a counselor and get some self-respect and self-esteem. I don't care WHAT he says, what he DOES is treat you like garbage because he can and you stay there and take it. Get out and get a happy life. Don't ever allow someone to mistreat you again. Period. If you don't have kids, get on very good birth control. If you do have kids, don't have any more and file for child support. A kid is better off coming from a broken home than living in one. So are you. Would you EVER treat someone like that? Of course not, so why would you allow it? Get out and good luck.
2007-07-08 05:23:20 · answer #8 · answered by whereRyou? 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He probably really do love you. He just doesn't know how to love you or express his love for you.
Being in an mostly-male environment could have contributed to his aggresive attitude.
Before you decide if you want to leave him, ask yourself if you love him and why. Why are you staying with him? Is he a nice person most of the time, but becomes cruel at times when he is angry?
If the reason you choose to stay with him, is because you love him, then maybe he should get help. The person you fell in love with could still be there. Give him a chance by convincing him to see therapist. If he refuses, don't hesitate to leave him. No one deserves to be treated cruelly. Not you, or any other person on earth.
You deserve to be happy and treasured.
2007-07-08 05:24:51 · answer #9 · answered by genn_silver 2 · 1⤊ 2⤋
I dont think it matters that he is in the Marines (i was Navy) you are with a abusive man and YOU should leave. Do not waste your life on someone that doesnt treat you with respect remember YOU CAN DO BETTER! When you are ready to leave talk to family advocacy on base they deal with issues like this and get your life straight.
2007-07-08 05:19:13 · answer #10 · answered by tmj4477 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am really sorry for what all, your husband has been doing to you.From what you narrate, it appears that he isnt concerned about your feelings.And so it boils down that he is also not in luv with you.There's no point in continueing like this.Explain to him when he is cool.Express your feelings towards him and what you expect in return.In case he is stubborn,better have a frank talk and let him know you want to separate,since you do not intend to make his life miserable any more.Maybe he'll come to his senses,if not better hit the road.
2007-07-08 05:24:44 · answer #11 · answered by MrKnow_All 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋