How do you deal when a person close to you commits suicide? How do you not feel guilty at all?

Question

A close guy friend of mine just hung himself because his wife was cheating on him and he was just getting ready to leave her for it and said he felt a closeness to me and wanted to see where we could go eventually after they were over, what could I have done to help?

Answer 1

From the information that you gave us, you couldn't really tell whether that person was going to that to himself. One thing that i can recommend is that you have to remember that you had nothing to do with his suicide. For him to commit that, he might of had some great issue going far beyond his wife cheating.

Answer 2

awww , i'm sorry to hear this, but you should not feel any pity for yourself or the person that hung themself. If this person "felt a closeness to you and wanted to see where you could go after his/hers marriage was over", he would of proved it to you rather than to kill himself. Clearly he just said those things, but deep down inside he was hurting because of the situation he was going through. With words, you should always show it, but in this case, he took his life away, which is out of boundries. So don't overthink this, and think what you could of done better, because you'll feel more and more pity for yourself each day, and you shouldn't have to because you did nothing wrong, and there was probably nothing you could of done to help this person avoid suicide. Just take a deep breathe, and talk to friends. It's the way to go.

Answer 3

I'm sure that you were already being sympathetic and a shoulder to cry on. But when he was alone, the darkness of the situation made him so depressed he made that decision to take his life, and I'm sorry he did, because he could have had a wonderful life without her.
I suggest that you see a counselor for this, or read books on people who commit suicide. You will learn that you had no part in his decision and that you aren't responsible for it either in anyway.
Realize that he made this decision after living a life for at least 20 years and that many many things that have happened to him contributed to this decision to take his own life. People are not just the result of one relationship, other factors in his growing up contributed to this. He probably suffered from depression more than once, for example.

Answer 4

People who tell someone that they want to do it are the ones asking for help. Those who don't say anything have their minds made up and are going to do it no matter what. There was nothing different you could have done, you didn't know his plans. You will feel guilty for a while, it is one of the steps of grief, it is a natural feeling. Keep in mind that it was his decision and there was nothing anyone could have done to make him change his mind. Don't blame the wife, she feels bad enough, I am sure. He was talking to you about the future to throw you off track on his plans. I am really sorry for your loss, don't beat yourself up, if he would have talked to you first, maybe you could have said the right thing, but he didn't.

Answer 5

My family has a history of suicides. My Grandma told me when I was a little kid that we have to think of the future. You can't second guess what that person was thinking at the time and you need to think of it this way.....he didn't want to live anymore. That's it. He's in heaven now. You can't really change someone's mind if they want to die. You can stop them maybe once or twice but eventually they will get the job done. You can't always be there and you don't know what they are really thinking. Say a little prayer for him today that he is at peace. He just didn't want to live anymore and we do all have that choice.

Answer 6

Read a couple of books on suicide and depression to get an understanding of the way his mind was probably working. It sounds like you were a person that helped him see a brighter future, so I'm thinking you might take some comfort in that, rather than feel guilty.

Answer 7

I agree with the other answers you have recieved..Sorry to hear about your friend ending his life.

But please don't feel guilty about this...HE was an adult and HE chose to do what he did for reasons only he knew about.
There was nothing you could have done to prevent this, so don't let this feeling grow, because it's unfair and untrue.

I guess you should seek help...counseling or therapy might help you deal with your feelings...and I would also say go to church or have your pastor or priest talk to you. (Trained professionals are a good choice when we feel overwhelmed and cannot deal with things that happen to us.) You could even take antidepressants for a while if your doctor says you need them now....God is the Best Doctor around, though, so I'd say talk to Him and ask Him to heal you and guide you through this....He will listen to you if you really ask Him from the bottom of your heart! God is love and only He can give us peace and free us from what hurts us.
You will be in my prayers...Take care of yourself!

Answer 8

That's awful. Friends and family of ours have killed themselves too. Years later I still wonder how I could've fixed it, but reality is we have little control over what other people do, even when it means they chose to end their lives. I think we all feel guilty and sad and that it is normal and expected, but I don't think you could've saved him short of being with him 24/7. We put our sister-in-law in the hospital to protect her and hopefully get her the professional help she needed and she turned right around and did it again. I am not sure that there is a magic wand to put it out of your mind, but you can go through the normal grieving process that you should. Cry, get mad, and just go on day by day with your life. Sometimes going to the grave and talking with them helps you gain some closure. Gradually the pain and guilt lessens. Know it is not your fault and know that you can't control what people do or do not do. Sorry this horrible thing happened. It is heart-breaking.

Answer 9

You could not have done anything. People who commit suicide aren't interested in getting help. Those who 'threaten' are seeking help. Your friend did a very selfish thing, and has caused a lot of pain with the aftermath for those he left behind that cared about him. You cannot blame yourself for this. You can't stop someone who is serious about taking their own lives.

Answer 10

I really dont think you could have prevented it. Suicide is a selfish act. It leaves everyone involved blaming themselves. My bestfriend commited suicide 6 years ago.