I have lived with a wonderful man who has a weak personality for 20 years, We have a child in High School. He is a great father but there are many things about him that bothers me. For one thing we have not had sex in 5 years. We are in our late 40s. He refuses to see a doctor for his problem. I feel so left out sometimes. We sleep in separate beds. He is very generous and very kind. Do you think that I should have an affair and try to keep this marriage together or should I get a divorce? Pls do not tell me that I am ungrateful..I made him who he is today financially.
2007-07-08 03:01:06 · 21 answers · asked by crystal 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
When I meantion the idea of a divorce he starts crying. He says we can work things out but 5 years is a long time to just wait and wait. Thanks for all your answers
2007-07-08 03:42:08 · update #1
gee, hon, i'm sorry for your situation.
i can't tell you whether to get a divorce, or to stay and have an affair (do you have someone in mind?)
i think your best bet might be to talk with a professional/therapist about the situation. he or she will get to know you, your personality and help you to make your own decision, based on your life, feelings and what is going on with YOU at this time in life.
others can't tell us what we "should" do .... this is an individual choice.... perhaps talking with a therapist would help you to see the big picture more clearly, and even give advice about your sex life, and other things... might even suggest marriage counseling, if your husband is willing.
it takes two to tango, and marriages seem to become one-sided sometimes. give and take seems to get up and leave, i know.. been there done that.
sending hugs your way... i hope you will do what is best for YOU in the long run.
take good care
2007-07-08 04:01:47 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You could benefit from some counseling, and if he will not attend with you, you need to go for yourself.
The lack of sex may be due to medical causes or problems on his part, or he could be looking for sex outside of your relationship. You should have not started to sleep in seperate beds, that has not enhanced your feelings of togetherness and you may both feel abandoned.
Having an affair is not the answer, or you will be destroying your marriage, and someone else's life as well.
Do you treat him with love and respect? Do you hold it over his head that you "made him who he is financially?" This would wear on any mans feeling of security and love.
Do you think that he has a weak personality because he has allowed you to run the relationship in an unequal fashion?
There is much more to what is going on here than you are stating, and I bet if he were on here writing about your relationship, it would be a totally different story.
Please ask yourself some honest questions, get some professional help before giving up on a twenty year relationship and tear your family apart until you are positive that is the only solution.
I wish you and your family the best.
2007-07-08 03:19:58 · answer #2 · answered by Sue F 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
To put it bluntly, what you have is not a marriage but more so a friend and roommate. Only you can decide if that's enough for you....and it sounds like it isn't and wouldn't be for most women! It's not selfish of you to want passion, zest, interesting conversation....more of a partner in a marriage instead of a roommate. He seems satisfied with the status quo but he needs to know YOU ARE NOT. I wouldn't just outright divorce him. I would have a serious talk with him and tell him you'll leave if he's not willing to do couples counseling with you. There are also week long retreats to help married couples but I suggest more of a weekly, ongoing therapy. If the therapy doesn't work, then I would seriously consider getting a divorce. Life is too short to live it with no passion or enthusiasm.
Oh and NO, I would not have an affair.
2007-07-08 03:24:35 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe start a conversation with him and let him know that your actually considering a divorce. Before you do this though, transfer whatever money you will need to a separate account so that you are taken care of financially. Late 40's is kind of young for sex problems. Does he drink? Maybe some type of drugs or drinking is his problem. My husband and I barely had sex for 6 years and the doctor told him, at 34, he had to quit drinking or he was going to die. He quit and ever since sex has been a very regular part of our lives. I just thought all that time he wasn't interested in me or sex, but it's just the alcohol killed it. Remember this though, no matter who you are with you are going to have to deal with problems. No one can tell you how much you can handle. When you are fed up, you will leave. I can't see how if he is such a wonderful man, if you talk to him, seriously, he will have to do something. Good luck.
2007-07-08 03:09:00 · answer #4 · answered by Corona 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This doesn't sound like a case for divorce. After all, he's a good guy. As for an affair, what a silly thing to do. What you need to do is find a way to give him a wake up call. He is in denial about how unhappy you are and you need to find a way to shock him out of it. Of course, only you know what that would take. He will come around when he sees what he has caused to happen. Also, it is ridiculous that he refuses to see a doctor. That is just being selfish on his part. Men of course hate to see a dr. about anything personal, but he is copping out of it at your expense. Good luck.
2007-07-08 05:35:27 · answer #5 · answered by I39 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do you think that I should have an affair and try to keep this marriage together....That's not quite worded right....how many people who have affairs keep their marrage together?? If you really want to keep you marrage, I would give him an ultimatum....either see a dr or divorce. If you are already to the point where you think divorce is good, do it. You shouldn't have to live like that. You are still young enough to have a life with someone else. Genderally by the time you are thinking divorce, the marrage is past the point of saving anyway... I know it was for me! Good luck in whichever you choose!
2007-07-08 03:07:05 · answer #6 · answered by str8talker 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No you're not ungrateful. Things like this happen. I think before you consider divorce you should go see a marriage consoler to see if there is any salvaging your marriage. I say this because divorce should always be the last resort.
Do you think there is still a small chance you and him can be happy together? If so, you should do whatever you can to make it work first.
2007-07-08 03:06:27 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
A freedom or a perfect is a state granted permission to do something interior of a undeniable means that they later set with courtroom situations. that's a humorous tale. All of politics is a humorous tale. Telling somebody they're allowed to be loose isn't actual freedom and is even worse being an entire perversion of what a perfect or freedom truly is.
2016-10-20 06:55:37 · answer #8 · answered by deralin 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Having an affair will only complicate things. You think you will be able to keep it seperate but you won't I(trust me I know this!). If you end up having feelings for the person you have the affair with, you will have even more to deal with than you already do.
2007-07-08 03:10:35 · answer #9 · answered by Twinkle 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First, get him to a doctor for a complete physical. If all checks out good in that department, seek out some marriage counseling. Have you tried ASKING him what the problem is?
2007-07-08 03:04:21 · answer #10 · answered by janice 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋