Not interested anymore!!?

Question

I have been married for 12 year now and we have 2 kids....
i havent had sex with my hubby in like a month. I just dont feel like i am in the *mood*. he does everything for us financially, but emotinally its a different story.
When he comes home from work, he either goes to bed or on the computer. i have told him many times that he needs to spend more time with the kids...anyways. I know he loves us, but i just dont want to sleep with him. He is very sweet if he wants sex, but that'll go away after we do it. To me its like another chore i have to do. I could honestly live without sex...dont need it.
Am i the only one with this problem? What can i do?

Answer 1

I had the same situation for many years. I discovered the vibrator(thanks to a counselor)and learned how to have orgasms, by myself. Once I opened up to my own body, I could let him in. Most men will be all sweetness and light when they want sex. But, in my case, his timing was usually lousy, and sex made me feel used. About 12 years into our marriage, I suggested that he stop making the moves and leave it up to me. He thought he would never have sex again, if I were in charge. He was VERY wrong! I would have some alcohol, and get my self in the mood, before I approached him. Since men are generally ALWAYS in the mood, it was never a problem for him. It's been working every since(34 years of marriage). You might have to take charge if you want more from him. Might try some role playing. Do that goofy stuff, like meet him at the door in nothing but and apron. Depending on the age of your children, you might still have the "responsible adult" thing going on. It will subside as they get older. Give yourself some time...If it helps, do some flirting next time you go to the grocery store!

Answer 2

You would probably want to have sex with him if he helped out around the house and paid attention to the kids. I had this same situation with my ex husband for many years and I totally lost interest in him. Many things in daily life can affect whether or not you want to be intimate with your spouse. You need to talk to him about this when the tv and computer are off and he is really listening. Maybe also things for him at work are stressful and he needs some emotional support. You will both have to work on this to make things better.

Answer 3

Guys if you want more sex from you wife just tell her you love her and appreciate her.A woman( Unless she is a slut )needs to have an emotional tie to her husband . It is great that he takes care of you financially but I personally have got to feel loved and it is all the little things they do to make you feel loved.Like how was your day lets go get some ice cream spending time together. To me if I don't get that kind of attention I don't want the sex either. Because really it just is no different than somebody using my body to get off even if it it my husband.

Answer 4

For many women sex is something they do to obtain financial security, once that is achieved they no longer feel the need to make the effort (even no longer making the effort to remain physically attractive.). Assuming you aren't in that group communication is the key to re-establishing your relationship. Spend time alone with your husband letting someone else care for the kids. Intimacy is something that both of you must participate in.

Answer 5

People grow apart after being together for a longer period of time. The best possible way to remedy this is to open up. Perhaps a Marriage Councelor can give you the insight. He obviously feels the same way; not showing physical interest, secluding himself. I can't understand why he doesn't want to spend time with your kids though, that's a real shame....

Answer 6

There are a lot of people who goes through that, especially when you have a problem with money matters or emotions. Sometimes having sex is just one of the chores you need to attend to. It is very important to couples to polished their love life and romance is always on the air so you won't get bored with each other. Talk to your husband, communication is very important to bond a relationship.

Answer 7

i know exactly what your going thru. my husband and i have one child and we went thru the same thing. we havent been together for 12 but i guess time isnt the issue here. he use to be in the navy, right after we got together he left for a 6 month tour, when he returned home, he got out of active duty and joined the navy reserves. we were experiencing "lack of love" in the bedroom but neither of us said anything to the other. well he had to leave for his 2 week training exercise for the reserves. while he was gone, i started to miss him being in the bed, and 'things like that'. so my suggestion to you would be, if it is possible, you may want to take a little

Answer 8

You under stress. Get rid of the stress and you will feel more like it more often. But he seems to have the same problem. You both need to cut some things out of your life and smell the roses.

Answer 9

okay......this is your husband....have sex with him even if you dont feel like it...im sure he doesnt "feel" like going to work everyday but he does it for his family.....just cuz you dont feel like it doesnt mean you wont get into it once it gets going...he has needs as we all do...but just cuz you dont "feel" like it doesnt mean you dont do it anyway....please read a reall good book called "proper care and feeding of husbands" its by Dr. laura ..its a great book and an easy read

Answer 10

SEEK marriage counselling.