or am i super hormonal and crazy?
here's the situation. tonight he and his friends go out to a concert. they all have beers at the apartment, then head out. i say i don't want to go because i can't drink and i'm super tired from being pregnant. Before he leaves I tell him how sucky i feel that i can't go out and have fun like him and his friends.
he leaves at 9 and i take care of things at home. i wait and wait and wait and then he doesn't come home until 3:30 in the morning! He says after the concert he went out and had more beers with his friends, and then went and got a slice of pizza because he was hungry.
I flipped. He says I'm selfish. What do you think?
2007-07-07 23:26:13 · 19 answers · asked by J W 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
i should also say that i have no problem with him hanging out with his friends and going to concerts. it was just the fact that he was gone for 2 and a half hours longer than he said he would be.
And also that he didn't bring any pizza home.
2007-07-07 23:56:27 · update #1
I think you're both being a bit selfish, but that isn't necessarily something to feel terrible about. Everyone is selfish sometimes.
The real problem I see here is one of communication, not selfishness. The two of you need to sit down with each other and talk about your expectations. Clearly he expects to be able to do this sort of thing without a problem, and clearly you expect him to do otherwise. The fact is, neither one of you has a right to get upset with the other one if that person has not lived up to expectations that were never clearly defined.
Misaligned expectations, whether they're about time, money, chores, or anything else, can and will cause a great deal of conflict in any relationship. You both need to discuss your expectations with each other in a respectful and loving way. And you need to do this a lot, about all the aspects of life that will change when the baby comes. Like most people, you both probably have a lot of subconscious ideas and assumptions about how couples ought to behave with each other, but if you don't talk with each other about these preconceptions, you will find yourselves quite shocked and dismayed when one or the other doesn't live up to them. Throwing a baby into the mix is just going to make it ten times worse, in addition to turning your world upside down, so take the time NOW to talk about all these things in depth before you're so exhausted you can't see straight.
If need be, you may be best served by having these discussions with the assistance of a therapist. Best of luck to you both...
2007-07-07 23:40:10 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Knowing myslef, I'm sure I'd do the same thing.
You don't sound crazy but we are all hormonal, yup. This outburst of feelings were brewing before he even left, and in fairness you did tell him how you felt before he left.
Flipping out was probably a little OTT, but like I said, I'm sure I'd do the exact same thing in your place.
You don't feel well, you want to have fun, and you waited. Don't wait up, it makes you more and more angry, which isn't good for you or the baby. Next time he goes out and you don't feel like you can go to such an event, invite your friends over, and have your own fun at home, so when you are tired they can all go home and you can curl into bed and keep it warm for him.
There isn't anything wrong with him going out, he isn't going to have much time to do this once the baby is born, but you do need to talk to him once you've calmed down and tell him why you were so upset. Maybe ask him to come home after the concert or event next time. A little comprimise is good right now. Try not to make him feel too gulty, just tell him how you feel and how you really wanted him home.
Take it easy momma, he is dealing with alot of stress right now aswell, and he has emotions running wild, he might have just needed to get it out of his system.
Good luck and congrats
2007-07-07 23:45:07 · answer #2 · answered by vegface 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you may be overreacting just a bit. Would you rather have a houseful of noisy rambunctious guys or a nice quite evening to yourself? Does he do things that a just for you? Once the baby is born he won't have as many options of going out with the guys and maybe this was kinda like a bachelor party, except it's before the baby, not a wedding? If he is there for you most of the time cut him a little slack and know once your child is born he will stay home with you and always be there.
2007-07-08 03:13:47 · answer #3 · answered by Lostlove 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your not being selfish. It would have been nice to at least recieve a phone call from him saying what was going on. Because I know that I can't go to sleep unless my husband is right there beside me now that I'm 36 weeks pregnant because I'm always afraid something is going to happen.
Just tell him that you would have liked to have been informed of the change of plans so you could have had a say about some of it. Heck if anything they should have came back to the apartment to have a few more beers at least it would have been safer and he could have eaten there.
2007-07-07 23:34:01 · answer #4 · answered by Torey♥ 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
When I was pregnant, I MADE my husband go out with his friends. Why should he have missed out on all the fun because I was pregnant?!
As long as he's attentive to you when you've made plans together, then stop sweating the guy. At least he came home to you, right?
You should have gone to sleep, not bothered him when he got home, then let him know in the morning that you were a tad worried about him since he was home so late. Then ask him to please call if he's going to be out that late again. Don't flip out over it. He's still human and wants to be with his friends. Just because he's going to be a dad doesn't mean his life is over otherwise.
2007-07-07 23:46:30 · answer #5 · answered by 1M9 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I guess he was a little selfish not to call. If my husband was 2 hours later than he said he would be with no phone call then I would be upset but I would get over it pretty quickly as it's not that big a deal - as long as he doesn't do things like this all the time.
2007-07-08 00:32:54 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
we are in the same situation!! at least ur bf comes home! lol.. i think he is being somewhat selfish.. mainly bcuz hes pry not ready to be a father yet.. but he should be able to go out sometimes. He should at least call u couple times throughout the night to see how u r.. becuz of my bf did that i wouldnt feel like he was ignoring me or being so selfish.. hope this helps
2007-07-08 14:14:51 · answer #7 · answered by fosho22 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He will so long as he will get away with it. Sounds like he continuously has. This is a bit of past egocentric this man is an entire fledged ***. If he does not care approximately any individual however himself by means of the age of 25 it is not going to difference.
2016-09-05 19:10:54 · answer #8 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is selfish, he should be home at a reasonable hour especially when your expecting, Males don't know what they are forgetting when it comes to us girls going through a pregnancy, it's the best life experience you could ever wish for,
good luck and CONGRATS.
2007-07-08 02:59:00 · answer #9 · answered by Tigers_Forever29 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, I don't think you're wrong here. You are pregnant and he leaves you all night! Couldn't he have even had the decency to bring you some food back? At any point did he ask you how you were feeling or if you were ok with him going out?
2007-07-07 23:33:58 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋