Should we get married?

Question

We have 2 kids already.....
It may look pretty stupid to wear a white dress,
and there are not real tax benefits to a marriage....I love him but is marriage necessary?? I mean It's not that big of a deal anymore...but we're considering...I don't know what to do i LOVE him and being married sounds nice but really I do well as a single mom on paper.....I already have the engagement ring

Answer 1

"when in doubt, DON'T"
- oprah

Answer 2

Why are you asking strangers if you should marry the man
you love (you wrote that twice, but each time it was followed
by a "but").....and is the father of your two children? That is such a monumental but personal question......
What does wearing a white dress have to do with this question?
Or the fact you already have an engagement ring?
Logically speaking, the fact that you love him and you apparently loved him enough to have two children with him,
should indicate something to you. If it does not, then it is very
odd that you are together and have two children together.

I married the man I love. I was only 18 years old and didn't
ask anyone else if I should or shouldn't. I didn't have
an engagement ring as he was in the Marine Corps and
he didn't have enough money. I still wanted to marry him.
I looked okay on paper as a single woman just out of
high school, but I still married him. I didn't give a hoot about
the color of my dress----and still married him. Our society
had already begun its downhill slide into anything goes.....
but I married him anyway.

I wanted to marry......it was 1969, the time of hippies and
Woodstock and "make love,not war....." But though I was
a teen, I didn't buy into that thinking. I thought for myself.
It didn't matter that free love was in and marriage on the
way out. So your statement, "I mean, it's not that big of a deal anymore...."
Who are you trying to please? The world at large? Our
society which is now raising more children with problems
than ever before due to our "who cares attitudes"? Sure, I would want to follow what our
society thinks is right regardless of what I knew was right in my own heart for my children or husband! I am being facetious.
What do you mean "I do well as a single mom on paper..."?

It is really difficult to understand if you are really contemplating marrying the man you love, the father of your
children.....or if you are ticking off the points for and against.....it is very strange.

If you do not love him enough to really want to marry him, if your heart isn't in it and you feel the need to ask about it
on a forum such as this.....I wonder why he would really
seriously consider marrying you.

White dress? Tax benefits? "....is marriage necessary?"
"....I mean, it's not that big of a deal anymore....."
"I don't know what to do...." "....but really I do well as a single
mom on paper." "I already have the engagement ring."

This is so convoluted. How sad for all of you!

Perhaps it would be a good idea to show him your
questions so he realizes a bit more about your inner
workings and how you think.....he may want to re-think
his wish to marry you and ask you to return that engagement
ring----why do you have it, anyway, when according to
your questions above, you don't even know if you want
to marry him? I thought an engagement ring was bestowed
upon a young lady who loved and wished to marry her
suitor.......
Or is that not a big deal anymore, either? By who's standards?
Doris
[e-mail]

Answer 3

Are you trying to make a business deal or are you trying to spend the rest of your life with someone that you love? Marriage never looks as good on paper as being single does. You're right about one thing, marriage isn't a big deal anymore. The divorce right is outrageous. And if you're looking for a business partner then remember this, more businesses fail than marriages. (not by very much) Sell the engagement ring and invest the money. You seem to be more concerned about that anyway.

Answer 4

Your children DESERVE married parents, for the security and stability. You don't have to wear a white dress. There are lots of tax benefits to be married with kids, if you are being practical.
Why did you accept the engagement ring if you were not planning on being married? If he were a man of good character, he would have married you after a few years of dating, and surely when he found out you were pregnant with the first child....
But time for you to stop being selfish, and do right by your kids...

Answer 5

I don't think anyone should marry, just because it 'sounds nice'. If it isn't a big deal to you, then why do it?
Marriage shouldn't be about whether or not there is a tax benefit to it - its about committing yourself to someone else for life, making that decision, and them committing themselves to you. It's about staying together through thick or thin, in sickness or in health etc..

Answer 6

Marriage is not necessarily the answer to any specific issue. If you really do want a civil contract between you, then get married. Personally, I have found it to be a great way to end a good relationship. But we all do as we must.

Answer 7

Well, if you have the engagement ring, that would imply that he has asked you to marry him and you have accepted. You should get married if both of you agree that it is what you want to do. I wouldn't waste the money on a big wedding though, just get the JP to do it, or if you want a religious one, get a preacher to do it. I got married in our apartment, and the preacher came over to do it.

Answer 8

yes being a single mother on paper is great... but it will also be better when your kids can say "my parents are married" people take married couples more serious than couples that have been together for a long time. if you wanted to marry him, there wouldn't be a doubt in ur mind!

Answer 9

Some do, some don't*.... Its a very personal decision and one you and only you must decide on*......What is the real reason and purpose of marriage*? Why get married? Why not get married*? Am I afraid of commitment*? Think about it seriously*....

Answer 10

i think if you really love him and you really want to marry him because you love him and want to have a special bond with him that no other person will have then i say go for it, but if you want to marry him just because tax benefits and it being nice then dont, why get married and not want to and put your kids through a divorce?, do wut ever feels right =)

Answer 11

its a great excuss to throw a big party for and with the one you love! Do it- it will be the best day of your life (wear white)