tell me ..?

Question

i have been in love with this girl, who has been married when she was 20, but that marriage was not successful. i met her 2 years bak and ever since we have been in love.but trouble is we still could not work out the divorce as we lost her father to cancer last december, we spent all what we earned and life was hard and to add to all this my family came to know that she was married once and that the divorce is still not done.i hav been away from her working abroad for a year now and i am a single son to a widow.i lost my father at the age of 3 and my family s very protective about my mum and her needs.i am stuck in life now coz i work for my uncle and even my salary is controlled by the words of my mum.my mum works elsewhere and it is a one hour flight from where i am.when i approach her to talk about this issue, she avoids me and jus says "leave it in god's hands".i do not hav freedom anymore and i am made to work 13 hours a day since i work for my uncle.

i know this sounds funny but i was not allowed to hav a mobile connection coz they wer scared i would communicate with the girl who is 3500kms from where i am. they do all this to me and still my mum tells me that she will lose me and that i will waste my life. the girl and i r working on the divorce and we r trying our best to make ends meet.but i feel so cornered and my passport is in the hands of the company, i can;t even apply for another job coz they will not make it happen.it is time i do sumthing or else i will lose out on things i built all this time.i never wanted to make things go wrong and everything would hav gone well but my own pple dug out her past and made put me in chains.i don want to lose this girl, she must hav had a bad past but she is sumthing i can't find again.i am in love and if i don't do sumthing soon i will lose out.is it wrong i go bak to her? i hav tried to talk to my mum but she jus does'nt listen.other pple words ring louder in her ears now.

Answer 1

Your problem does appear somewhat confusing. What your family is doing to prevent your marriage with the girl you love, is usually the favourite course of action of an Indian girl's family when the girl wants to marry outside her parents' choice.
It isn't unusual for your mother to behave in the way that she is doing, because she has practically brought you up on her own since you were 3 years old. Most mothers become somewhat overprotective about their children in such instances. Hence she not only wants to prevent your marriage with a girl who has been married already, she also possibly wants you to marry someone of her own choice.
It isn't clear in which country you live and work, but what I understand is that your mother, uncle and you, all live and work in the same country. And you probably work in some family business or industry owned by your uncle. But the way he has kept your passport in his possession reminds me of news reports of Indians working in menial jobs in the Gulf. The owners of the enterprises where these people work in, take possession of their passports straightaway, so that they can not leave the job and the country when they discover that they have to work under inhuman conditions and for a pittance. Their job is akin to slavery. And their condition is somewhat similar to yours when you say that you are made to slog for 13 hours a day on a regular basis. This is not only against basic labour laws but contravenes human rights as well.
Your mother might well be against your marriage, but she can not overlook the inhuman working conditions which you are subject to. It is highly unfortunate that your mother is unwittingly abetting the misery that you are undergoing at your work place while your uncle is profiting by making the optimal use of the situation and your disadvantage.
Finally, since you have more or less decided that you will marry the girl you love, you have to take certain decisions coolly and work out some arrangements in a planned manner.
The girl has to get a divorce first. A case of unilateral divorce can be a time consuming affair. A mutual divorce takes lesser time. And such things get a lot quicker and smoother when a good lawyer handles the case which means higher legal expenses. So be prepared to fork out a substantial amount as legal expenses, if you intend to help her financially towards her divorce.
After she gets a divorce and you marry her, you will need a new job as your family wouldn't possibly be inclined to have a wayward child in the family business. The new job might be in the country where you live at present or in India. But it will be advantageous for you to start looking for one straight away. With a job of your own, your life will be in your own hands and not at the mercy of others not to forget about getting back your self respect.
And you would of course need to get back your passport from your uncle. Go about with it in right earnest. Demand it back as a matter of right. Threaten to take your case to the appropriate authority if your request is denied. There can be no compromise in this regard.
Take your mother into confidence to the maximum possible extent and try to convince her to see the virtues of your marrying the girl you love. If you persist patiently, I think you can win her over to your side sooner or later. She is your own mother after all. The best interests and well being of her son will always be uppermost in her mind.
Best of luck.

Answer 2

Hunt for a different job!! Your'e Uncle cannot stop you, if he does you could approach the Labour Commission for help.

Secondly Dude don't you think you are wasting your life trying to get along with a Lady who is on the path of a Divorce - How sure are you that the Lady was not the cause of her earlier marriage breaking, you probably have heard only one side of the story - if its the lady's problem what is the gaurantee that your married life will not be destoryed? The 2nd issue is that the STUPID IDIOTIC, SNAIL-PHASED & the HIGHLY CURROPT Judicary of India would drag the issue to even more than 10-12years, do you think you would be able to wait till then?

Answer 3

There should be some way or the other to break ur mom so try and find it. If she still doesnt listen, then I think u should go away and make ur life with that girl. If ur passport is in hold then u can always apply for a duplicate passport ask a travel agent about this. Ok good luck.

Answer 4

Are you man or something? Just resign your job, take your passport back & return back to India so from here you can workout the divorce for her & then marry her after all those formalities. Why you depend on your mother or your uncle for job? Are you not capable enough to get job back home in India? Just be a man & do as told to you here. As far her getting divorce she can go ahead for divorce by mutual consent as that is the easiest ,most economical & lest time consuming way to dissolve any marriage. She should not indulge in all those frivolous cases which usually are advised by Lawyers & other family members & even friends as those cases only delay the real issue of dissolution of marriage & one should only workout the divorce by mutual consent (a no blame divorce) between both the parties & move a joint petition for it in the family court . Such divorce are finalized within a years period were as by other ways it can take 5 to 7 years or even more to get finalized.

Answer 5

dear ur prob is really serious. but the solution is in ur hands only.it is really funny that u r not having ur own mobile. they (ur gardians)dont know about internet which u r using ,u may b contacted thru net.right. anyways..u r adult n enough to take ur decision with rigidity, u r not a poor girl who is tortured by her in laws,if u r serious for that girl,it is appreciable. make ur mom undst ur feelings.let the divorse happen.till then dont make the scene worst.after that u can take ur step with rigidity.then no law can prove u wrong.remember this -har kisi ko mukammal jaha nahi milta.... but it is only you who can make the situation better.ur mother will definitly accept her after ur marriage n so ur happiness.every mother only wants his child to b happy.she is only in afraid to loose you.take her in ur confidence... all the best. :)

Answer 6

In England we'd say be a man not a mouse.Basically take charge of your own destiny.If you really love the girl it doesn't matter what your mother or anyone else thinks.You are responsible for yourself.

Answer 7

Sounds to me like slavery if you family makes you work for them with no money of your own. Get another job, and then make your own life. I know you need to help your mom, but nt with everything you have. You are entitled to make a life and family for yourself, if you can afford it.

Answer 8

Get a real job, Get a back bone and Get a life, wimps will not make it in this world. Whining does not solve anything.

Good Luck

Answer 9

Your MOM is Possesive

Answer 10

if he allows your mother to control your salary maybe it is time to look for other employment