Can you read this short chapter I wrote and help me improve my writing?

Question

I want to become a writer can you please read this short chapter I wrote and point out the errors and how I can improve my writing?

Here is the link

http://blog.360.yahoo.com/blog-4YSTE240f7H1QyGZbZ_GDImc

Answer 1

I thought it was pretty good. I saw a few places where you maybe could have used contractions to make the dialog flow more smoothly. I like the "voice" you gave your character. He had a distinct style about him. Reading the chapter you posted made me curious to learn what was going on, why everyone was leaving.

Answer 2

Pretty good actually, I would've voted excellent, except there were some grammatical and spelling errors that needed to be fixed. But that's nitpicking on my part. Overall, you have a very good feel for plot and atmosphere. The way you set the scene up made me think backwards and forwards beyond both ends of the chapter. I would love to read the finished product. Do keep writing and good luck.

Answer 3

Best help is an affordable editor, at least if you are looking to be a serious writer. No worries, though, almost everyone who is published uses -- and needs -- an editor. I use WordTechs, www.wordtechs.com.

Answer 4

I rated it as good you put a lot of hard work in to that and you deserved it. Good luck.