I'm scared of him.?

Question

This is no joke. I'm stuck. I'm scared.. one time me and hub were alone and he said if I ever leave him he'd get a hit man instead of a divorce b/c it's cheaper. We don't get along at all. He's psycho, but I'm scared. I'm stuck. It's like those stories you hear in the news. He hit me before while I was pregnant. I told his mom and his mom said I deserved it. I don't know who deserves that. I never left b/c of what he said. My family all lives in the same town as him and he's so irresponsible that I wouldn't want him to have joint custody of our child. What should I do.. seriously...

I not only have to think about myself my main priority is my child. being that he hurt me while she was in my belly and him knowing that I was pregnant when he did that.. Wouldn't you think judges would see that as an unfit father?

And yes one time I called police. The other times I was big and pregnant couldn't run and couldn't call anyone.

Answer 1

get into a womens shelter and collect ur thoughts...if he hit u did u turn him in to the police for domestic violence??

Answer 2

Listen to me carefully. He has complete power and control over you with just words! Get your power back. Start seeing a counsellor without his knowledge. Second, get a plan togther that allows you to leave him and make sure you have filed a restraining order. Then start paying attention to what is going on around you. Don't let your guard down. If you see him somewhere close, call the police. And what ever you do, don't fall for the "can we just talk" stuff. He's just trying to get his power back. When you go to court, you may not get full custody (unless you can prove that he will be violent towards your child) You must accept the fact that he will get joint custody. You use a third party to give him the child and get the child back. You have no contact with him. Simple. If he tries to debate something about the child care arrangements, stop him in his tracks. The courts will award you a mediator or 3rd party. He knows the stakes if he were to hire someone to take you out. He knows they will come directly to him. He's a wimpy, scared little man, and the last thing he wants to do is go to jail. Get your power back. Stop playing the victim or you will never get free from him.

p.s. I somewhat agree that calling the police may not stop him if he is that psycho where he wants to hurt/kill you....but in 98% of the cases, it is all threats and they know enough not to go through with it. We hear about those terrible 2% cases....and that's what your husband is banking on too. He's hoping that you will be so scared that you will never leave. ALSO, unfortunately not everyone can just pick up and disappear and start over in a new town. Yes, women's centers are a great option for those who are in dire danger immediately, but are not long term solutions. You need to work on your self esteem and get your power back, bottom line. If you don't know how to do this, then get professional help.

Answer 3

You should gather your important papers and pictures you want to keep and put them where you can grab them quickly.
Everything else can be replaced. Start saving all the money you can hide and ask your family if they can give you some too. Go on line and find another city far away and locate a battered women's shelter call them and find out if they will take you and the child. Have someone you can trust in your family take you to the new city while he is at work. Tell the person that takes you not to tell anyone where you have gone or your life could be in danger. For no reason tell him where you are, no matter what. Start a new life. Also report what he threatened you with to the local police or sheriff office. You should seek legal council before you do anything though. Make sure you can protect yourself and the child.

Answer 4

I'm sorry that you have had to put up with the abuse of your husband. It is very common for abuse to happen while the woman is pregnant because the man feels as if he is losing control of the woman. Thankfully, your child was not injured seriously while you were carrying your child.
Abusive men say lots of things that are untrue. They brainwash the woman into believing things that are untrue. We feel so stuck, like a caged animal, and it is hard to think striaght when you are in this frame of mind and under such pressures in daily life....like walking on egg shells all day long, never knowing when the next abusive situation will occur and how badly you will be hurt. It's a hard life but, woman who are abused are very strong women. They handle so much stress and still go on with daily life.
I am proud of you for realizing that you can't have your child in this relationship. It's unhealthy for your child and if you stay, your child will think that abusive relationships are normal. I can tell you want what is best for your child and that you know you need to get out.
Stop and think a minute. How many times has your husband said something that wasn't true...or he didn't fulfill what he said he was going to do.
I was abused many years ago and my husband would always tell me if he couldn't have me nobody would. The threats are scary and that is why many women stay. They know how violent the men are when they stay and can't imagine how much worse it will be if they leave.
You need to leave for the safety of your child and yourself. You know that. Now you need a plan.
There are two choices. The first is a Domestic Crisis Center. The second, is to tell your family and get help from them. Abusers try to distance you from your family members and make you think that they won't help. The hardest thing I did was to tell my parents what was happening in my marriage, but, it was also the smartest. They already knew ofcourse. You can't hide it that well. And they all wanted to help me and my child because they truly loved me. If you tell your family I am sure they will want to help you too. Stay with some of them for safety reasons. Abusers only abuse the people that they know they can control. If you are in another home....he won't be in control of those people so he won't be abusive and you will be safe.
You still need to:
get a restraining order for you and your child
document everything in a journal that happened, the threats that he made, how he hurt you, write down everything so that it can be used in court or by your lawyer when the time comes.
This will be helpful in proving that he should not have any custody of your child. Maybe supervised visitation by the courts but with the threats that he made I doubt that they would give him any other kind of custody unless he went through counseling. Call your local domestic crisis center and ask about victim protection orders...this is a form of restraining order that does not cost anything or is very cheap.
Wear a whistle. Put it on a fancy chain and make it out to be a necklace. If he ever does approach you, blow the whistle loud. Same with phone calls. If he calls, blow the whistle. You don't need harrassing phone calls in your life.
There are also new laws. If a person makes more than three phone calls that are harrassing in nature, you can press charges. (under the stalking laws)
You do have rights. YOu are strong. And I believe in you. You can do this. And you can do it for your child. Find strength in your little one and go to your family and ask for help. If they can't help you, go to the local Domestic Crisis Center and they will help you. They will give you a place to stay, offer support, and show you the legal steps you need to take to give you and your child a happy life.
And don't forget to pray. For a very long time, I didn't. Once I started praying and talking to God........I found that I had more strength and God protected my son and myself.

Answer 5

Never stay with womeone for fear. 90% are talk or may try other ways, but use the system.

Get protection order and talk to the closes womens abuse center and they can give you help and guidance. Report any and all threats after you serve him with papers.

As for the child, the father has rights and it will be very hard to keep him from the child. If he goes nuts when you split, you may have a better chance. But always document everything he says, does. A journal goes a long way in court. Always have someone with you for joint meetings. Keep witnesses around.

Good luck, & leave him.

Plan this out and pick a right time. Save money and get ready. Watch movie, Sleeping with the enemy

Answer 6

See if you can file for a restraining order. Tell them what you told us, the courts that is, and I am sure there is a lot more you can add. Unfortuantly, that may not stop him from seeing your child, but you can fight for the best custody you feel fit for your childs safty. You are the one who see's him for all he is so it is up to you to present the court with this information threw the help with the legal services out there. Try legal aide. And if you are in California, try calling 211 for a phone number to a womens shelter because they can help you and totally will be a great support for you for you are in a serious dv relationship. Those threats are breaking the law and have you in the category of being abused. Good luck and email if you need to talk.

Answer 7

There are places that offer all types of help for abused women. The guy is a bully and so is his mom. You can tell where he got his tactics from. Check out the yellow pages and call the more discreet women's help places . They can offer you professional help and give you choices. Be very careful. The most dangerous time is when you leave but you need to get out. These places will help you. Do not look them up on the internet. Where you go can be traced. Land phone only-not traceable. They will get you in a position to take care of yourself and your child. Lots of luck!

Answer 8

I know what your going through. I was with a jerk for three years that just used me as a punching bag the whole time. I don't believe in breaking vows, and I thought he would change, instead he got on meth and started raping me along with the beatings. Than god answered my prayers and got me out. In other words I got pregnant. Once I had a child, I realized that while my ex was beating and raping me, Our son was on the other side of the bed screaming, and that's when I left. My ex is phsyco also. In fact I had to hide for three months after I left him because he was so mad he was trying to get people to kill me. It was crazy and still is, but the hard part is over. I believe you can get out if you really want to. Think of your kid, that's what I did. After the first blow up is finally over, things will get easier for you. Never easy, but easier. Good luck.

Answer 9

Get your daughter and move out of town. I don't trust the typical "call the police" answer. Too many times women "call the police" and file an "order of protection" only to be found dead later. A piece of paper will not stop any angry man!!!!

Answer 10

go to an abused womens shelter and tell them what you just told us and make sure he knows everyone knows about his plans to get a hitman and if he does anything to you or has anyone else do it his butt will be in jail so fast his head will spin tell your parents the situation you are in and go home make sure to file a report about what he said about the hit man with the police no man shouls ever lay a hand on you EVER! there is no excuse for that and his mom is just as bad as he is if she supports him in this kind of thing. i tell you if you stay with him the odds of something happening to you are better than if you leave him if your dad is anything like mine he would kill someone if they hurt me and any man who would hit a pregnant woman is a coward who is just trying to scare you into staying with him his bark is probably bigger than his bite but just to be sure get a restraining order and get the hell out of there

Answer 11

This guy is using intimidation to keep you there. I say, wait till he leaves for work, pack your sh*t and get out of there. Then get an attorney and have a protective order served on his a*s. Tell the attorney everything that was said here and let him handle this guy. Chances are that he is headed for prison anyway, so at least then you won't have to worry about him. Sounds like some great guy you have there.